WE KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT M.I.A…BUT IS THIS JUST A NOISE?
TAKE MY ADVICE: BEAUTY ESSENTIALS
I have been posting this beauty posts for a few years now and they have taken different shapes over time. While I try to keep Obnoxious Owl about real life issues and personal development (lol) I also like a bit of superficiality from time to time. Why? Because it's fun. And while I am not about to start fashion blogging because I find it to be incredibly vapid (new fave word) I do love make-up and skincare. I am more likely to blow $$ on lipstick than I am clothes and even food sometimes. I laugh at myself when I go to toast a bagel for dinner but I am doused in $70 bronzer. Oh the irony! But the truth is, the bronzer feeds me more.
Also, think back to what your make-up bag looked like when you were 16 compared to what it does now! A ladies beauty products go through a similar evolution to the women herself. My make-up when I was 16 consisted of reddy brown lip pencil. black kohl eyeliner along my waterline and the thickest, gunkiest Revlon foundation you have ever seen. I also wore Exclamation! which I had nicked from the local chemist and now I'm all MAC this and Tom Ford that. The products have evolved, but the passion remains the same.
And these are my latest! Refer to the picture above...(I would have numbered them on the picture but that just shows my general blogging enthusiasm)
- HOPE IN A TUBE by PHILOSOPHY - I think the first ever advice I gave when I first started this blog nearly 4 years ago was that everyone, no matter your age, should be wearing eye cream and I still stick to it. My eye cream is very indicative of financial situation so sometimes its just the $10 roll on stick by Garnier which you can get from the supermarker or it will be this one by Philosophy. Hopefully I will have that new Lancome one by the end of the year
But my point is, I never neglect this area of my face. I LOVE Philosophy products. They are semi affordable, gimmick free and they work. Remember to put on eye cream before your moisturiser! - CLINIQUE BRUSH ON CREAM EYELINER - I wear eyeliner like I put on knickers. It is just what I do. Lately I have been going with more of a dramatic flick but that is all about the brush which I will get into later. I tried this Clinique number because I saw it on Pixiwoo and it's not bad. To be honest, I've had better. I have used MAC's fluid line which is great but can dry out but honestly? Maybelline is still champion for me. But again, this ain't shit! It just ain't all that wonderful either.
- REAL TECHNIQUES FINE LINER BRUSH - I could probably draw on the perfect flick with poo using this brush to be honest. It is hands down the best eyeliner brush I have ever used ever! Ever ever ever. And how cheap is it?! Use and you'll see what I mean.
- MAC RED LIPSTICK -RUBYWOO - The colour is gorgeous. A perfect red! Just like those London buses. But God damn it is drying! Seriously. This is a bit bittersweet because it is the dry texture that makes it stay put but at the same time, you will still need some lube in order for your lips not to feel drier than a nun's vagina.
- TOPSHOP LIP PAINT IN FOX - That is why I put a little of this over the top to give it a little moisture as well as a bit of shine. Sometimes, on my down days, I wear this on its own without the lippy underneath. I rate TopShop cosmetics a ten out of ten by the way. Especially for the price.
- NARS MATTE EYESHADOW IN BIARRITZ - I usually just put one flat colour on my eyes everyday and then get experimental when I'm going out. I use an eyeshadow primer, just a cheopo one by NYX cosmetics, and then I just put this all over my lid before applying eyeliner. Nars eyeshadows are pigmented and matte and wonderful. Nothing exciting about this product but it is a great, great staple.
- MAC LIPLINER IN CHERRY - If you wear red lips then you need a lipliner. No arguments. Unless you want to go for the smudged, rock 'n roll, Courtney Love look...which I am totally down with by the way. But if you're like me and want lipstick perfection then grab yourself a pencil and you will find that application becomes a million times easier. It is literally a case of drawing the shape and then colouring in. This one by MAC is good because it kind of blends with most shades of red. I wouldn't advise it if you have an orange-y red such as Lady Danger by MAC.
- CARMEX - My favourite lip balm. I have one in my bag, one next to my bed, one in my car, one in the bathroom, one in the kitchen and another that just gets thrown about. I have a lot. It's nourishing, its not greasy, I like the cute tin and I've used it for years. Like most girls, I am a lip balm addict.
The bronzer is by Guerlain which I have spoken about before and I also carry an emery board in case my bastard nail gets hooked on something and I use that MAC stippling brush to apply bronzer which I know is not ideal but I have a Real Techniques one on the way to me in the mail.
I am also in the market for some new red lipsticks and would love suggestions besides the obvious ones by MAC and I have a few by NARS as well. Hit me!
SHOOTING FROM THE HIP: THE GIRL CODE
OK THEN!
CHOOSING TO BE HAPPY
TUUUUUUUUNE!
TAKE MY ADVICE…I DON’T USE IT ANYWAY PART CENT TRENTE-QUATRE
- The strip is back! And it's back because I'm saying it's back. So now when you go for a Brazillian get a Brazillian which means leaving a tiny, wispy strip. The 'all off' is a 'Hollywood'. They do sex way better in Brazil.
- I know its hard but try to swear less. I am not saying give it up entirely because sometimes a good 'fuck' sums up a situation, as does 'cunt'. But if you throw these things around willy nilly, prefixing it onto any old sentence and what not then it loses its strength. Wheel them out for getting your point across only, and try to remove them from your daily vocab which can be hard if you deal with a lot of cunts.
- Those who embrace change will grow in strength. Out with the old in with the new! Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened! etc etc etc
- When celebrities mean they sometimes eat ice cream and fries they mean like once a month and probably when they have their period, not everyday. So put the Ben & Jerrys down fatty.
- Ok listen babe, don't call me babe if we like only just met, ok babe? There is nothing more insincere than a long, drawn out 'I misssss your faaaace baaaabe' which is usually paired with a look that goes up and down. Just be cool!
- Sometimes your mind only tells you what you want to hear and not necessarily the truth. Listen carefully.
- The secret to getting along with people and avoiding drama is to reserve judgment. Again, hard if they're a c*nt.
- Egg, mayo and cress on a toasted poppyseed bagel is not only fabulously retro, it is also delicious.
- Feeling grumpy? Eat something. Feeling emotional? Get more sleep.
- When you know who you are then you can start accepting others for who they are. People are so transparent its frightening.
WHY I QUIT ONLINE DATING
TAKE MY ADVICE…I DON’T USE IT ANYWAY PART CENT TRENTE-TROIS
- Often we will see beautiful things, things that will excite us! Dazzle us! Fill us with desire! Then we will get upset because we cannot afford these beautiful things and somehow, feel less validated because of this. The first world especially struggle to understand that sometimes we can just appreciate beauty, we don't always have to own it.
- I don't want to harp on about appreciating your body because I know it is easier said than done. But what I will say is that comparing yourselves to other women will drive you fucking crazy. Happier girls are attractive girls. Fact.
- And you can just decide to be happy. Another fact.
- Sometimes all you will feel like doing is staying in with a pizza and a movie and that is perfectly fine. But every weekend will make you fat and also depressed.
- It's winter so lets talk hosiery! Bring it back, I say. Heels, stockings, lipstick and perfume are the key ingredients to feeling like a lady.
- Going on dates suck, especially first dates. But try to go into them like you are just meeting a friend for a drink. And if you like him, don't fuck him.
- Hey girls who are exceptional dancers! We all know you know how to dance/twerk/MTV your ass off. But sometimes on the dance floor, we just want to chill out and enjoy the song with our drink and not feel like we are trying to party at a Zumba class...ya get me?
- Kate Moss is 39 years old. Remember that.
- Food intolerances! Ok, ok I know some of you turn blue and throw up for 76 days if you so much as look at gluten or hear anyone talking about lactose but some of you are making shit up AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. Funny how none of you are booze intolerant, hey? Stop inventing eccentricities in order make yourself appear more interesting when YOU ALREADY ARE VERY INTERESTING. And while we're on the topic, if you are going to insist on having this little fantasy intolerance then maybe just remember that a cafe that has $6 burgers on the menu and normal pubs probably don't do GF or soy or anything like that so stop making a fuss. THERE! I said it.
- In life, there are those that will refuse to eat the pizza and go hungry and then there are those that will just pick the olives off.






