And that’s a wrap! (No, really this time)

It’s hard to let go because we cling to what was. A point in time when everything felt like that is how it was going to be forever. But nothing is forever except change. Contrary to what we might think, as the things around us evolve, so do [...]

2015-06-19 // 3 Comments

The problem with…

The problem with articles that begin with ‘the problem with’ is that all it does is bring to light someone’s illusion of reality. The problem with ‘the problem with’ is that it incites a problem that may have never been [...]

2015-04-13 // 1 Comment

Read the Signs

I had a real punch in the gut last Friday afternoon. I came out from an appointment and walked towards my car except when I got to where I left her, she was not there. But as I live here in Australia, the punch in the gut was not from the violation [...]

2015-03-15 // 1 Comment


It’s always a tricky one talking religion and/or politics because the chances are there will be someone present who is not only ignorant but also a robot. Ignorant robots are the worst of the worst because they just absorb popular opinion and [...]

2014-10-05 // 0 Comments

All talk and No action

One of the strangest things about being a person from another country is overcoming that niggly feeling of always feeling a little discontent and the only way you can really overcome it is to just accept that it is always going to be there, nagging [...]

2014-01-17 // 9 Comments

OO’s top 8 fashion flicks of all time

ONE   I’ll start with the mothership, shall I? Madonna in Desperately Seeking Susan. This movie was everything to me then, and has consistently remained everything to me now. She wore like three outfits throughout the entire movie. [...]

2013-11-19 // 1 Comment

MONTE MORGAN from Client Liaison

Self Portrait I love interesting people. There is nothing I love more than not feeling bored when someone speaks to me. You’ll be surprised at how likely it is that the lady selling you your coriander at the market could more than likely hold [...]

2013-11-18 // 0 Comments


FOR BOYS ONLY   SAY NO TO HEAD AND SHOULDER SELFIES  With every instagram, a little self photography must come and that is just fine if you are doing an outfit capture in the mirror or if a girl asks you to flip her something but no self [...]

2013-09-02 // 1 Comment


    When it is your friend’s birthday so you post a picture on instagram of you and her in order to wish her happy birthday except you blatantly look way better than she does in said picture. That.  You don’t always need to rsvp [...]

2013-08-28 // 1 Comment


The ‘moustache on a stick’ thing and other ‘Movember novelties’ are so tired it has slipped into a coma. Do not even get me started about having them involved in your wedding photos and as for the dress ups in a photo booth [...]

2013-08-19 // 0 Comments


  If you don’t have special knickers reserved for the days leading up to your period then you are doing it wrong.  It’s easy to ignore the elderly…I get it. We are all a little scared and uncertain of growing old but how can you [...]

2013-08-07 // 0 Comments

TRUE BLUE – The right denim for you

Last summer my friend Elesha made us this wagyu steak. She talked it up so much to the point where I was like, ‘Chill, it’s just a steak’ – well, was it fuck. This was the most incredible piece of meat I had ever had in my [...]

2013-07-27 // 9 Comments


William Morris once said that you should have nothing in your home that you did not know to be beautiful or useful. We are 5 weeks away from that spring clean people. To be quietly confident leaves less room for having egg on your face. Less talk, [...]

2013-07-23 // 3 Comments


Your feelings are not good or bad, they just are. Just go with it and then move on. People can tell you how to act, they can even tell you how to think! But not even you can control how you feel. If you need somewhere to escape for like an hour or [...]

2013-07-16 // 0 Comments


How much of your ‘reality’ is actually perception? There is everyone’s opinion and then there is the truth. Funny thing is, we already know the truth if we are just honest with ourselves for one second. Australian hip hop. No dice. [...]

2013-07-09 // 1 Comment


There is a saying that goes, ‘a rose won’t become a rose until it passes through some dirt to see the sun’ – makes sense kinda except for the fact that roses grow off a branch. But despite the flaw, I like the saying.  Some [...]

2013-07-02 // 1 Comment


Why are you recording a video of an artist at a gig? You know you are never going to watch it. Put your phone away and enjoy the experience.  Sometimes, I wish I were a smoker. Only because it seems like something cool to do when you are waiting [...]

2013-06-23 // 2 Comments


I have been posting this beauty posts for a few years now and they have taken different shapes over time. While I try to keep Obnoxious Owl about real life issues and personal development (lol) I also like a bit of superficiality from time to time. [...]

2013-06-16 // 2 Comments


The strip is back! And it’s back because I’m saying it’s back. So now when you go for a Brazillian get a Brazillian which means leaving a tiny, wispy strip. The ‘all off’ is a ‘Hollywood’. They do sex way [...]

2013-06-08 // 0 Comments


  Often we will see beautiful things, things that will excite us! Dazzle us! Fill us with desire! Then we will get upset because we cannot afford these beautiful things and somehow, feel less validated because of this. The first world [...]

2013-05-28 // 0 Comments


Now listen up! When you like something like say um, cheese. That does not mean that you need to suck the fucking life out of it. You don’t have to go out and buy cheese clothes and only listen to cheese music and cop a cheese iPhone cover and [...]

2013-05-21 // 0 Comments


Sometimes (or even most times) it is probably in your best interest to remain silent. One often thinks you have to look at the world as though you are watching a movie. Everyone around you are actors telling you a story, and it is your job to be the [...]

2013-05-16 // 1 Comment


Conversation comes from a dialogue, not a monologue. Stop just waiting for the other person to finish talking just so you can hear the sound of your own voice.  You can’t change the way people perceive you. You can’t even get angry [...]

2013-05-11 // 1 Comment


Back in the day, one’s opinion used to be based on fact, not passion or emotion. Whatever happened to that? Instead of counting the things that you have loved and lost, try counting your blessings for instant gratification. Ladies, if a man is [...]

2013-04-20 // 0 Comments


Langridge Street, Collingwood I have a bit of a confession to make…I am not in love Melbourne. Alex calls me ungrateful and she is right. I don’t not like it but well, I don;t love it like I am supposed to. Maybe I have travelling [...]

2013-04-11 // 3 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway part 124

It’s ok to love social media. There is no point in berating yourself over using it because you are now part of something that is just modern life. It is how we communicate and consume information, it has even replaced the television for a lot [...]

2013-04-06 // 4 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway part 123

If you discover that someone has defriended you on facebook (yes, defriended) distract yourself from adding them as a friend again by looking for your dignity in the toilet. If you are ordering pasta then you don’t need the garlic bread. If [...]

2013-03-21 // 0 Comments

to the beach!

The end of summer has dawned upon us over here in the Southern Hemisphere and whilst the weather Gods reckon it ended on the 28th February, the actual Gods have turned up the volume on the sun and I sit here on March 10th looking out of my window at [...]

2013-03-10 // 2 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway part 122

Before getting dressed in the morning, do your hair and make-up first. That way the clothes will look better when you’re trying them on.  Other people’s personal life decisions are not a reflection of you. If a friend tells you he or [...]

2013-02-28 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway part 121

The art of being cool. It is innate and cannot be bought. To be cool is to have more character than you do shoes and more integrity than you do nice cars and more compassion than visits to the hairdresser.  There is something a little wrong with [...]

2013-02-12 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway part 120

  FML = Fuck My Life. Why would we say that? Let’s all agree to stop saying it. What you put out into the world via your mouth is usually what you get back and being all FML about everything makes you sound ungrateful. It’s not [...]

2013-01-31 // 4 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway part 119

When you go to describe something as ‘amazing’ stop! Rethink and come up with an alternative word. To be amazed is to be astonished, to be bewildered with wonderment to be stupefied even!  Perhaps a sunset could be amazing or Beyonce [...]

2013-01-18 // 0 Comments

The Obnoxious Owl experience: Perth for Christmas

Scarborough Beach I went to Perth for the holidays because my parents, sisters and dogs live there and also, my family from Cape Town came over for an Australian holiday and I haven’t seen them in years. I went from living alone to living with [...]

2013-01-15 // 8 Comments

BEAUTY CUPBOARD – The Summer Edition

Owlies I love the ocean…like love it. Living in the middle of the city has its advantages but living near the sea ain’t it. I also adore summer and all it’s trimmings. The smell of coconut oil on the beach, people are happier than [...]

2013-01-10 // 2 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway part 118

With a new year comes resolutions and that is totally cool/normal. Don’t listen to all those lateral thinkers out there with all their ‘It’s just like any other normal day’ hoopla because it ain’t. It is definitely a [...]

2013-01-03 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 117

  Just because you have a presence on the interrrrrrnet does not mean you have to accept all criticism.  And when I say criticism I mean those mean little gremlins that like to call names and be anonymous keyboard warriors.  It’s quite [...]

2012-12-09 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 116

Don’t even think for a single second that you can buy a tub of salted pistachios or cashews and just eat some and out the rest away for later. It’s never gonna happen.  Someone said something wise yet obvious to me the other day and I [...]

2012-11-25 // 1 Comment

What is happening to Christina Aguilera?

I am utterly flabbergasted at the state of Mz Christina Aguilera.  I woke up this morning minding my own business, put the kettle on, switched my computer on and was utterly amazed at yet another breakdown dressed in a pseudo positive package was [...]

2012-11-21 // 10 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 115

SOMETIMES LIFE THROWS YOU A CURVE BALL Actually not sometimes…pretty regularly actually.  I reckon we all get the same amount of curve balls in a lifetime but the intervals are different. Like some of us have nice, sporadic curveballs over a [...]

2012-11-12 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 114

Don’t instagram the sunset, enjoy it. Familiarity breeds contempt and its upsetting. Go to the dentist. Don’t put it off because its better in the long run for both your smile and your bank account. People who are the most irritating are [...]

2012-10-15 // 3 Comments


I love make-up and skincare, I always have.  My last 50 bucks would probably go on a lipstick before a new dress.  I started doing these posts because I feel that there is so much in the media telling us to ‘buy this’ and ‘try [...]

2012-10-13 // 3 Comments

Beyonce’s little sister is cooler

I dunno hey, the sister of Beyonce is somehow a little cooler.  I mean, it helps this video is filmed in Cape Town which is pulling at my heart strings but her steeze in this video is so on point and effortless.  You know like how Prada and Miu [...]

2012-10-07 // 1 Comment

A little light reading for your Sunday night.

Love is a pretty selfish emotion when you think about it.  Romantic love anyway.  We only put it out there in the hope that it will be returned because as much as we all want ‘to love’ we all want to feel that love back.  Man, what an [...]

2012-09-30 // 4 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 113

Listen to Ella Fitzgerald on sunny days with all the windows open while you clean your house Passive aggressive social media behaviour is for assholes Wear less accessories than you did 2 years ago If you don’t have [...]

2012-09-24 // 1 Comment

My Homeland

Within my soul, within my mind, There lies a place I cannot find. Home of my heart. Land of my birth. Smoke-coloured stone and flame-coloured earth. Electric skies. Shivering heat. Blood-red clay beneath my feet. At night when finally alone, I close [...]

2012-09-19 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 112

If you do not have acne prone skin then do not purchase face wash for acne prone skin. It will dry the shit out of it.   So you thought you had a spot here or there and thought you’d take a blow torch to it?  Well good luck with that dry, [...]

2012-09-12 // 0 Comments

Satisfying our appetite.

The weather was so nice this evening that I decided to take a solo stroll around Melbourne City.  I went in and out a few stores and then sat on a bench on Bourke Street and watched the world go by for a bit.  A homeless man asked the person next [...]

2012-09-06 // 6 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 111

  YOU HAVE TWO OPTIONS… When you get home from work and the last thing you feel like doing is working out because you feel so shit you can either just couch it for the evening and continue to feel shit OR you could drag yourself onto the [...]

2012-08-06 // 3 Comments

31 Things I’ve learnt since 1981

You will never be able to make somebody love you, but you can make them hate you. Photographs of yourself always look better 5 years later. Broken hearts mend eventually.  It’s the inner peace that tends to stay unsettled. The place you will [...]

2012-07-26 // 2 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 110

WHEN YOU REALLY LIKE SOMEONE YOU’LL PROBABLY FUCK UP QUITE A BIT IN FRONT OF THEM. Yes it happens to all of us. Yes it sucks. Yes the object of your affection will think you’re a goose.  No there is not much you can do about it other [...]

2012-06-28 // 0 Comments


Do you guys ever feel like you’ve lost your zest for life? No seriously, I’m not going emo on you or anything I just kinda feel a bit ‘blah’ you know?  Not depressed or unmotivated just a little ‘meh’. [...]

2012-05-17 // 5 Comments

Choose your friends like you do your cheese. Wisely.

You never feel self concious around them. This stems from not being afraid of being judged…because let’s be honest, we all fear being judged. Even when people go, ‘I don’t give a fuck, I do what I want’ – they [...]

2012-05-06 // 2 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 37

FOR BOYS ONLY  WE DO NOT WAKE UP LOOKING LIKE THIS. I feel like you have this notion that Scarlett Johansson and Katie Perry wake up looking like they have no pores, have zero body hair and don’t indulge in the wonderment that is control [...]

2012-04-23 // 2 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 109

LIVE AND LET LIVE. I’m serious about this hey.  You’re on your path and folk are on theirs.  There is no accounting for taste and variety in the spice of life. Hmmm I wonder if I can fit in another cliche here….oh yeah, people in [...]

2012-04-16 // 0 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 108

SOMETIMES WHEN YOU THINK PEOPLE ARE BEING MEAN TO YOU, IT’S JUST ALL IN YOUR HEAD. Paranoia is such a cunt hey?  It’s like the absolute worst when you think one of your friends don’t like you because then you assume that [...]

2012-04-01 // 0 Comments


  Guys. I’m annoyed with myself .  Wanna know why?  Because I have only decided now to get my hands on YSL TOUCHE ECLAT.  I don’t know what the Hell I was thinking fucking with anything else.  It’s like a cult under eye [...]

2012-03-25 // 3 Comments

How to make friends and get under the influence with people

YOU DON’T KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING.  People bond with each other by sharing something new and interesting and then shutting up and learning.  Give and take.  Push and Pull.  Sometimes, like maybe, if you want, start a sentence [...]

2012-03-22 // 1 Comment

Things that will make you a little happier. I swear.

  EXERCISE. I thought everyone was talking shit. Turns out they weren’t.  There is not enough time to over think and feed paranoia when you are going ham on the cross trainer.  I recommend joining a gym, they actually aren’t THAT [...]

2012-03-15 // 3 Comments

My Little Kony

I just watched this video and then I vacuumed the house.  Then I sat down on my bed to write something about it, but instead I spent 15 minuted reblogging things we’ve all already seen on tumblr.  Truth is, I just don’t know what to [...]

2012-03-12 // 6 Comments

Plastic Dolls.

So I’m a bit annoyed.  I know that this is a topic that most people originally from other third world countries would have an opinion on about a different object, but me being from Africa…this is mine. The other day THIS popped up in my [...]

2012-02-27 // 9 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 107

COPY CAT’S ARE MORE TRANSPARENT THAN THEY SEEM. We were all blessed with an imagination…an ability to conjure up something great, something wonderful, something unique and relevant to our own personalities.  I know that it can sometimes [...]

2012-02-15 // 0 Comments

Beauty Cupboard – Part 8

Here we have it folks, the new things I love to use and then convince myself that they were worth every penny via the medium of the interwebz.     BARRY M  is no secret to our UK buddies who can cop this fantastic brand all over the [...]

2012-02-10 // 0 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 35

FOR BOYS ONLY   YOU ARE JUDGED BY YOUR SHOES. Different brogues for different hoe’s but we look at them.   TIP. Because being a tight ass won’t let you near our tight ass.   NEVER CANCEL OR POSTPONE BY TEXT MESSAGE. If [...]

2012-01-21 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 106

  STOP BEING SO PRECIOUS WHEN IT COMES TO FOOD. Try it! Ok maybe you had it when you were 9 or something and you hated it but what, you’re like 26 now?  Your tastes have changed! Go on, give it a go…I might be your new favourite [...]

2012-01-08 // 3 Comments

Dear O.W.L

I get loads of emails everyday from people asking me questions and for advice and then going ‘Please don’t post my name!’ well I won’t, but I will summarise your emails and letters and compile it into one big juicy [...]

2011-12-21 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 104

FRIENDS. Don’t pretend to be one.  The thing with friends over family is you get to choose them…so they’re almost better than family because they are hand picked and nurtured.  They don’t have to love you regardless and nor [...]

2011-12-14 // 0 Comments


It’s that time again! The time where I give unprofessional and probably misguided advice on products that I think are the bizz nizz.   Fuck those beauty ads  (Max Factor make lashes 6 times longer?  Max Factor should make condoms) listen to [...]

2011-12-09 // 3 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 103

Straight up, Imma get straight to it…anal sex. Nothing new as we have touched on this subject many times, but it seems to be cropping up in conversation a lot lately.   Gentleman of modern times have somehow come to the conclusion that this [...]

2011-11-28 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 102

GET OUT THE HOUSE. Staying in and refreshing your facebook page (I see you) ain’t gonna make you feel motivated, less likely to procrastinate or make you a better person.  Instead cabin fever will make you feel isolated, cause you to over [...]

2011-11-20 // 0 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 33

FOR BOYS ONLY   WEAR SUITS, BUT DON’T BE ALL ‘I WEAR SUITS’ ABOUT IT. I dunno why, but when men enjoy a good suit they like to scream about it. Suit wearing should be effortless…in my opinion, but then, who else’s [...]

2011-11-12 // 0 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 101

GET RID OF DELUSION. I’m telling you, getting rid of pre conceived idea’s and what you THINK is the truth is way easier than trying to figure out what is actually going on.  Delusion leads to failures and broken hearts and all the [...]

2011-11-07 // 0 Comments


I leave London this Tuesday and I have much to say about it, but that is for a different post. I just wanted to shout out the girls at WAH from the TopShop in Westfield, Stratford because they WELL looked after me on this trip.  I was a bit devo [...]

2011-10-31 // 0 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 100

NOBODY HAS SET THE SAME STANDARDS FOR YOU THAT YOU HAVE SET FOR YOURSELF IN YOUR HEAD. Seriously hey…the reasons why you think people like you or are your friend are usually the total opposite of the truth.  If someone is trying to be your [...]

2011-10-25 // 0 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 99

GO SOMEWHERE. In my experience, there is never a good time and you never have enough money to travel.  You just have to suck it up and book it and somehow…and I really am quite positive about this…it all kind of works out and comes [...]

2011-10-13 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 98

IF IN DOUBT, DON’T SEND THAT MESSAGE. You know that pang in your chest of self doubt when you go to drop the ‘hey’. With ‘pang’ is just a nice, short way of saying ‘put the phone down you desperate whore’. [...]

2011-10-01 // 0 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 32

FOR BOYS ONLY   THE SEXIEST THING IN A MAN IS HUMILTY WITH A PINCH OF ARROGANCE.  Words are whispers and actions are sirens.   It’s why Beyonce is having Jay’s baby and not Kanye’s.   LOVE THE ONE YOU’RE WITH. I [...]

2011-09-27 // 1 Comment


GIOGO Interview for Obnoxious Owl from GIOGO Girls on Vimeo. The GIOGO girls caught my eye on highsnobette a few months back and I instantly hit them up.  I just find them so engaging and genuine you know?  They make you feel like you want to be [...]

2011-09-16 // 3 Comments


I remember the first time I got waxed back in 2003. I went to this woman called Otylia Roberts who has a salon behind Selfridges in London. The reason why I went to this very stern no fucking around European was because they did a documentary on [...]

2011-09-15 // 10 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 97


2011-09-11 // 0 Comments


      It’s the skin edition! So for a while there I was a bit skint and I was using something I got at Woolies for a fiver to wash my skin.  Eurgh. I don’t even really want to talk about it in front of my pores because [...]

2011-09-07 // 4 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 31

FOR BOYS ONLY ALWAYS ASK It’s not OK to try and go for the er…other hole without asking first .  Neither is it OK to say you won’t cum in her mouth and then you do.   Don’t be such a sadistic bastard.  Half the thrill is [...]

2011-08-29 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 96

SOMETIMES CLOTHES THAT USED TO MAKE YOU FEEL SHIT HOT WILL JUST MAKE YOU FEEL SHIT. It seriously happens to everybody. Somedays you can look fondly at your wardrobe and think ‘fuck I have steeze’ and then other days you will hate every [...]

2011-08-27 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 95

TUMBLR USERS…  Please stop saying ‘mine is different ’cause all content is original’. Shut the fuck up. You don’t need to ANNOUNCE or advertise what you are. Just be it. Originality is always obvious.   DRY [...]

2011-07-27 // 2 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 94

BOOK A DENTIST APPOINTMENT Once a year is enough. Yeah I know it’s expensive but private health is surprisingly affordable so sort it out.  Getting old is hard on the body so preserve what you can and look after the teeth in your head!   [...]

2011-07-19 // 0 Comments

O.W.L’s Armchair Trend Predictions

A NEW POWER ANIMAL IS ON THE HORIZON. I’m not gonna be one of those irritating bitches that say, ‘I liked Owls for aaaages way before anyone else did’ blah blah blah. Truth is I actually don’t even dig Owls that much. Most [...]

2011-07-17 // 4 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 93

SPEND THAT LITTLE EXTRA  I know there is a saying that goes ‘Look after the pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves’ or some shit, but hey there are some things that are worth splashing on.  Save 400 bucks on a long haul [...]

2011-07-14 // 6 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 30

FOR BOYS ONLY AS THE PHILOSOPHER JANET JACKSON ONCE SAID, ‘YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU GOT TILL IT’S GONE’ In a relationship? You love her? She can cook, great in bed, holds your head when you’re sad and laughs at all your [...]

2011-07-11 // 0 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 92

FACE VALUE IS A BEAUTIFUL THING  There is something to be said about those that wear their heart on their sleeve.  Usually they are upfront and honest as well…two valuable qualities in a person.  Say what you mean and mean what you say. [...]

2011-07-05 // 4 Comments

The Vagina

Look after your box and she will look after you. CRANBERRY JUICE/CAPSULES/ETC Every single time you get your groove on you need to neck some of this red fruited wonder food in any shape or form.  I know I keep reiterating but I STILL get emails [...]

2011-06-28 // 4 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 91

DON’T BEAT YOURSELF UP IF YOU STRUGGLE TO HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND WITHOUT GETTING ‘ATTACHED’ Fuck hey. Girls are always giving themselves a hard time over this and it’s ridiculous. If you have a good time with a man and you [...]

2011-06-26 // 0 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 90

SENDING NUDES  Sure do it. But leave your head out and avoid any tattoo’s.  Also, if you send them to a bonehead expect said bonehead to let shit ‘leak’.  You can’t get angry with him though, it’s not his fault that [...]

2011-06-14 // 0 Comments

If you’re feeling shit then this will make it worse

EAT EVERYTHING IN SIGHT! This is a sure fire way in making sure that you hate yourself.  You may even consider sticking your finger down your throat after you have inhaled the family size instant mac and cheese followed by 2 mars bars and [...]

2011-06-12 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 29

FOR BOYS ONLY PLEASE! RATHER JUST SAY NOTHING INSTEAD OF ‘TAKE CARE’  This goes hand in hand with calling us ‘mate’.  It’s kind of the same feeling when you are into a girl and she tells you that you are like a [...]

2011-06-09 // 3 Comments


Lemme tell you, I love make-up. It’s soul purpose in it’s little perfectly packaged life is to make you look better!  Unlike fucking garms that make you look fat and get you all depressed when you can’t fit into a size 10 anymore! [...]

2011-06-06 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 89

USE THOSE EARTH BRAND PRODUCTS TO CLEAN YO CRIB  I never used to, but then that ad came on the telly where that bird is mopping the floor with an octopus and he looked so sad! I Google’d that shit, and it turns out that those super chemical [...]

2011-05-31 // 7 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 28

FOR BOYS ONLY WE ARE MORE MANIPULATIVE THAN YOU CAN EVER BEGIN TO IMAGINE  It all started when your mum told you that eating all your carrots will make you see in the dark. Or when she made ‘choo choo’ noises with your food and [...]

2011-05-24 // 7 Comments

Pete from ‘For the Homies’

Pete Le Chic is all in the name. Straight cut and sleek. Clothing with no mess and no fuss. Just like this post. IN MY DREAMS … I am a king. But there are no civilians in my castle just animals and we don’t speak the same language so [...]

2011-05-17 // 4 Comments

The Obnoxious Owl Experience: My first week in Melbourne

Relocation Relocation! I have been here for 7 days now…and I think I love it.  It’s almost as though the ‘everything is going to be OK’ fairy came down and sprinkled her magic dust on my ass. It has been FREEZING  which I [...]

2011-05-15 // 10 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 88

  DON’T START AN ARGUMENT JUST TO SEE HOW MUCH THEY CARE  There is this new thing where others just feel irritated by insecure people instead of feeling sorry for them. You see, we all have insecurities and we all have different ways in [...]

2011-05-11 // 0 Comments

On the road again…

I have seriously been relocating since I was 18. I have packed up everything and crossed international borders four times in my life. Not to mention the amount of apartments I’ve had in the last 4 years alone. I moved to Australia in 2007 and [...]

2011-05-07 // 5 Comments

Ding dong Osama’s dead.

So old mate Osama got shot in the head.  Did it happen?  Sure it did!  Is this good news?  It’s fucking great news! Will it end terrorism? Definitely not. I doubt I will see the end of terrorism in my life time. See the thing about [...]

2011-05-05 // 6 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 87

NOBODY CARES THAT YOU DON’T HAVE FACEBOOK Some will just think you are weird and others just get bored when you start to tell them that you ‘miss bumping into your friends on the street’ and over ‘being friends with [...]

2011-05-03 // 8 Comments

KARA – Y’OH designer

My home girl from London is probably biting her little fingernails as we speak.  Tonight is the long awaited launch of her label Y’OH along side KIDS OF GRIME.  Kara has one up on most mens street wear designers…as in she [...]

2011-04-28 // 0 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 86

OH THE TANGLED LIES WE WEAVE THAT WE ARE NAIVE ENOUGH TO BELIEVE  Sometimes…no actually MOST times we are indecisive so when we think we have made up our mind the need to over articulate and speak about it becomes unbearable. Almost as though [...]

2011-04-25 // 1 Comment

Great ways to make people want to punch you with a brick

FUCK THEIR BOYFRIEND / GIRLFRIEND / EX / PERSON THEY HAVE HAD A MAD CRUSH ON FOR AGES AND YOU KNEW ABOUT IT ETC ETC Do not underestimate jealousy and the monster effect it can have on people.  Dudes beat up women over it. Girls pretend they are [...]

2011-04-14 // 5 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 85

SHOUT OUT TO THE HATERS   ‘HATE’ IS SUCH A STRONG WORD  You know why? ’cause it’s the opposite of LOVE. The line is thin between the two and the crossing over from either one is brutal. Conflicting emotions, hurt and [...]

2011-04-09 // 2 Comments

The Queen of Lime Crime

I while back I interviewed Doe Deere from LimeCrime cosmetics for YEN which went to print, and I discovered it on their site as well a couple of days ago. I’m all for double exposure Lime Crime do reeedeeeekulos lipstick colours in blue, [...]

2011-04-05 // 3 Comments


I always have to write KREAYSHAWN in capitol letters. Peep her website and watch her videos and you will see that there is nothing lower case about this broad from The Bay who has her manicured fingers in so many pies.  These pies include video [...]

2011-04-03 // 5 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 27

FOR BOYS ONLY FAIL PROOF STEEZE  Not enough of you wear well fitted jeans with plain CLEAN white t shirts. Too many of you are still wearing boxers with cartoons on them. Girls like you to be simple, fresh and clean.  Some girls like those dirty [...]

2011-04-02 // 3 Comments


Some of you may have seen the infamous photo with the paint on my tits, done by one of my favorite Perth artists inspired by one of my favorite London artists INSA…my favourite photographer BMANCE caught the process on her fancy [...]

2011-03-30 // 5 Comments

It’s not you, it’s me

RANT RANT RANT!!!! It’s all that ever happens on the Internet. And why the hell not? You get to say what you want and people can’t talk back, and if they do, you can just delete. Obnoxious much?  Well, do you expect any different? [...]

2011-03-27 // 14 Comments


Gather round ladies, Mama Owl gwaan tell ya what I use on my mug. Fuck, I’m no ‘beauty guru’ (beauty guru’s don’t say fuck for one thing) but I know what I like and I am just a little bottomless pit of opinion, so HEAR [...]

2011-03-22 // 12 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 84

LOW SELF ESTEEM FUCKS WITH YOU Man, this shit can kill you quicker than cancer. It eats away at you until you are nothing but a moody, whiny, boring bitch.  We all know that what makes us unhappy about ourselves we can change, yet we struggle to do [...]

2011-03-19 // 6 Comments


I would just like to start off by saying that I am rubbish at life. I hung out with Panda over 6 weeks ago and I am only posting now. Truth is? I lost my notes. Yes I know…I’m a winner. Anyway, onwards! When asking Derwin aka GOLD PANDA [...]

2011-03-13 // 1 Comment

I often get emails from readers, but this is a winner.

Yo Miss Owl. Ima tell you a little story inspired by your constant reminders of the importance of cranberry absorption post coitus. You like to share, and I need to vent.   I’ve been on the cranberry for, like, ever now. I’m pretty sure [...]

2011-03-13 // 5 Comments

Owls SEX alphabet: X Y Z

X – is for XXX. Triple X. Adult films. PORN.  Remember when people use to call them ‘blue movies’? WHY? Can someone share some light on this please? Anyway. We have come a long way in regards to this issue. Gone are the days where [...]

2011-03-12 // 4 Comments

Fashion Flicks I did for YEN magazine

I just found this on the YEN site. I wrote it a couple of issues back and the lovelies have put it on their site as well.  Click the pic to take you to the [...]

2011-03-08 // 0 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 83

  LET’S TALK FEMALE EMPOWERMENT FOR A SECOND…  It’s all bullshit…unless you do it for the right reasons. So you’ve had your heart broken, so old mate has a new girlfriend, so you are flailing a little at [...]

2011-03-05 // 0 Comments

Owls SEX alphabet: S – W

S – is for SEX. Sozz. Nothing wack here…just plain old sex.  I have kind of dug my own hole regarding this blog, because now I have created this online persona of being some kind of sex expert. I most certainly am not. I just know what [...]

2011-03-02 // 4 Comments

The Obnoxious Owl Experience: Its all a blur

I’m fooling myself and leading you astray when I say this is a week in pictures because it’s NOT. It’s just when I’ve kind of stored enough crap on my phone that warrants unleashing. Speaking of my phone…I dropped it in [...]

2011-02-28 // 6 Comments

Unless you have been surfing the waves of the internet with your eyes closed, you would have heard about Die Antwoord.   The South African site WATKYKJY (What are you looking at?) were main players in the MADNESS that is the success of the South [...]

2011-02-27 // 2 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 26

SOME DECORUM WHEN TAKING A LEAK IN PUBLIC PLEASE! At a party a few nights ago a dude who was winning at life stumbled over, whipped his little pecker out and started to pee in a corner right next to us  – the fumes from his 90% beer urine [...]

2011-02-26 // 6 Comments

Owls SEX alphabet: M – R

M – is for MAKING OUT. Nobody makes out anymore! It’s just usually a little bit of a kiss and then BOOM! straight for the crotch. But what about kissing until you get beard rash (better known as ‘pash rash’ in this eloquent [...]

2011-02-19 // 2 Comments


Well not really as it was last weekend but did I tell you I finally met M.I.A?  Those who follow this here blog on the reg will know that I have her on a bit of a pedestal. Well, I bumped into her at a party last Sunday night and I said hi. Nothing [...]

2011-02-14 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 82

  STOP BEING SO SELF INVOLVED Statements like, ‘Oh my word, this creepy guy keeps messaging me’ makes you sound like a dickhead. For one thing, he only KEEPS messaging because you KEEP replying. Then you go and use his determination [...]

2011-02-14 // 0 Comments

Owls SEX alphabet: G – L

G – is for GAGGING. Men are sadistic bastards. They get aroused at the sound of you gagging. But then again, I suppose it does give them the feeling that their member is just so large that you can’t fit your itty bitty mouth around it [...]

2011-02-09 // 6 Comments

Owls SEX alphabet: A – F

A – is for ANAL. Obviously. It seems more and more dudes think it’s on the menu of late.  I mean, it’s a pretty gnarly thing to take it up the Jones hey?  Like, we’re not actually meant to do that. Dudes just see a hole and [...]

2011-02-05 // 6 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 81

BACK UP AND DOUBLE CHECK I’m talking about insurance here people. This ‘ere blog was deleted by a little SPAM ‘c’ word and I nearly had a heart attack. Not because of it disappearing, I mean, I can always start again, but [...]

2011-02-01 // 0 Comments


Yes everyone I had a bit of a blip there for a second, well…more for a fucking week!  SPAM was a bastard and got into the crevices of the OWL and NOT in a good way!  But hey, I’m back now and it’s like it never happened.  Just [...]

2011-01-31 // 0 Comments

Tips for my teenage self

YOUR PARENTS WILL NEVER STOP PISSING YOU OFF, BUT YOU WILL BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND THEM A LITTLE BETTER  When you think about having a baby, what goes through your head?  What you’re gonna name them, how you’re gonna dress them, what kind [...]

2011-01-19 // 3 Comments

Things you can only do when you are home alone


2011-01-15 // 5 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 80

SOMETIMES THE MIRROR DOES LIE Like usually right before your period you will feel like a fleshy blob. Your hair will be the worst its ever been, ALL of your clothes will look shit and your stomach will be sticking out like you are in your third [...]

2011-01-11 // 0 Comments

Tips for an easier life

DON’T GET INVOLVED Yeah, you might think you have all the answers and you probably do. But you can’t go around taking on every single situation that crosses your path if it doesn’t have anything to do with you.  Sometimes your [...]

2011-01-09 // 1 Comment


I have spoken to many a creative on O.OWL and I have come to realize that those who have achieved the most are often the most humble.  Stones Throw Records and LA born and raised and  DAM FUNK  (pronounced ‘dame’ from [...]

2011-01-06 // 2 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 25

FOR BOYS ONLY WOMEN ARE STILL UP FOR CHIVALRY I’m reading your mind right now, and I’m reading that you are thinking ‘Well act like a fucking lady then’ and it’s true! But there seems to be a chicken and an egg sitch [...]

2011-01-05 // 3 Comments

I started my 2011 in spandex

Recognize this little number from my banner? Yup, the butter pecan fudge nut sundae of girl Tiffany from BUTCHDIVA over in Brooklyn New York made this for me and new years eve was the perfect opportunity for it’s first outing. My earrings are [...]

2011-01-02 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 79

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH TANNING TOPLESS ON THE BEACH  Although I will say that you should probably be a little respectful if there is a family nearby with kids.  Kids will point and stare and then the parents feel awkward, and the Dad [...]

2010-12-30 // 0 Comments

All I want for Christmas is Diplo wearing my knickers

  Don’t you kinda feel like Christmas is happening all around you but not TO you this year?  I sort of feel like there is this festive pandemonium of ‘Secret Santa’s’, embarrassing work function ‘hook [...]

2010-12-18 // 9 Comments

Fashion tips straight from the Owl’s beak

Right look.  I’m not one to dress people in pansy shit.  I have to quote one of my favorite broads MS FITZ when she say’s ‘Sorry. I don’t dress pedestrians. I dress icons’. My mum tells me I look like I get dressed in [...]

2010-12-12 // 10 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 78

IF YOU ARE FEELING PARANOID AND SAD, THE WORST THING EVER IS TO GO ON SOCIAL NETWORKS  Oh dear God.  Every single status update, tweet or general comment will be about you.  Well…at least in your head it will be.  You’ll wonder why [...]

2010-12-10 // 4 Comments

360 – Aus Rapper

I got to know 360 through Social Networks. Hey! don’t judge, it’s how all the kids do it these days, plus I know nothing about the Australian hip hop scene, so thanks to Sixty’s wit and ridiculousness on twitter I have become [...]

2010-12-08 // 1 Comment

The Obnoxious Owl Experience: Weekilinks

So we’re knee deep in December…there are more fake Santa’s than you could shake a stick at, Oprah is in town and Facebook had a face lift…can’t decide if I’m feeling it yet, however the old one used to be the new [...]

2010-12-08 // 6 Comments


Sometimes … it’s hard to get out of bed in the mornings. The thought of just laying there and maybe taking something in order to fall into a long, blissful sleep from which you can never be woken can sometimes turn a very bleak situation [...]

2010-12-06 // 6 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 77

HEY MAN, IF SOMEONE IS AN IRRIT EVERY TIME YOU SIGN ON, DELETE THEIR ASS  I love the delete button.  It’s glorious. You know whats great about living on the internet? The delete button…thats what. But don’t re add then delete, re [...]

2010-12-03 // 3 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 23

FOR BOYS ONLY   CLEAN YOUR FINGERNAILS  Else there ain’t NO WAY those bad boys are getting into any of our crevices.  What if you have a bit of happy juice underneath them from when you last performed the Jedi Hand Trick and you give us [...]

2010-12-01 // 0 Comments

You think you better than me?

YOU THINK YOU BETTER THAN ME … because you got more followers on TWITTER? Look at your followers in comparison to the number of tweets you’ve tweeted you twat.  Also, the real boss is the person who has more followers in real life. [...]

2010-11-27 // 8 Comments

The Obnoxious Owl Experience: Another week, Another Dollar

Without any further ado I bring you THESE puppies… Firstly, I wanna congratulate Cadburys for thinking of a way in making the Creme Egg a staple on our confectionery shelves, and not just for when the bunny drops them off in April.  Well done [...]

2010-11-25 // 4 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 76

STOP GOING OUT WITH WET HAIR! You will catch pneumonia and die. Also, you look ‘unkept’ and ‘pedestrian’ … which is worse than dying.   DO NOT SHAVE BETWEEN WAXING Unless of course you hate yourself.   [...]

2010-11-16 // 5 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 75

DON’T BE A DUMB BITCH AND FALL PREGNANT TO HANG ON TO HIM It ain’t fair to a number of people, but namely the unborn child who doesn’t deserve to be some kind of desperate glue to keep two people together who really probably [...]

2010-11-14 // 4 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 74

PEOPLE WHO DON’T HAVE FACEBOOK ARE WEIRD I mean, yeah…talk to them and stuff, but don’t make eye contact.   DO NOT TEXT/FACEBOOK/TWEET DURING A MOVIE You should get a life…they’re nice.   FURTHERMORE, [...]

2010-11-10 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 22

IF A WOMAN DEMANDS SOME KIND OF 30 THOUSAND DOLLAR ENGAGEMENT RING, IT MEANS SHE NEEDS CONFIRMATION THAT YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH HER And you probably aren’t ready to get married. I mean fuck, if you are in love then a mood ring would do…ya [...]

2010-11-04 // 0 Comments

The Obnoxious Owl Experience: 8 days a week

Last week was shit. The end. Null and void.  Nah ah.  There were a few highlights though…not many but hey, not every day can be wonderful now can it? Imma start with my nails, because they really are a little ray of sunshine in the life of [...]

2010-11-01 // 5 Comments


Ehrm, yeah so when I was 13 back in 1992, me and my girlfriends (non lezza) formed a group called ‘New Babes on the Block’ (original) and we used to mime to this song by 2 Unlimited. Oh God. We had it on a cassette tape on a little boom [...]

2010-11-01 // 6 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 73

  WHAT OTHER PEOPLE SAY ABOUT YOU IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS  Right I never do this, but I’m gonna speak personally here for a second…it won’t happen again so don’t get used to it.  I write a pretty, shall we say, [...]

2010-11-01 // 13 Comments


Hands up who actually buys the same product over and over?  Yeah me neither.  No matter how happy I am with what I currently use, I get secretly excited when it runs out ’cause I get to try something new.  I mean geez, the packaging is just [...]

2010-10-29 // 5 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 72

TAKE NOTE OF THE GOOD PEOPLE YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE  Learn from them. Be inspired by them. Don’t resent them…they are in your life for a reason.  People who make you want to be a better person are precious.   ARE YOU [...]

2010-10-27 // 5 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 71

THE TRUTH IS ALWAYS THE BEST WAY TO GO  It’s never the easiest but it’s the best. Lies and secrets bog you down and make you frown. And you don’t want no wrinkles up in your grill for at least another 10 years.  Honesty is the [...]

2010-10-24 // 6 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 21

FOR BOYS ONLY IF A GIRL TALKS ABOUT HER PERIOD OR FARTS IN FRONT OF YOU, SHE PROBS ONLY WANTS TO BE FRIENDS  This does not apply to long term relationships obvs…those people do loads of wack shit in front of each other.  No chick will do [...]

2010-10-19 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 70

QUIT TRYIN TO PLEASE EVERYBODY AND JUST FOCUS ON YOURSELF  Then you will stop feeling so unappreciated.   *EURGH* MUSICAL ‘KNOW IT ALLS’ JUST SHUT THE HELL UP  Yes it’s all very clever how you know the exact date of the [...]

2010-10-18 // 0 Comments

The Obnoxious Owl Experience: Where do the weeks go?

Last week my good friend and uber snapper Luke Thompson took some photographs of me and Lady SJ.  It was a pretty fun day and it’s always nice to have your hair and make up done.  This is just one of the photos, I’m just being [...]

2010-10-15 // 5 Comments

It’s a breakup because it’s broken

THE WHOLE EVENT IS JUST A SHOW OF FUCKERY There is no right or wrong and nothing about it is easy. It’s like cracking and separating an egg.  You crack the shell (your heart) and tip the egg whites to and fro (your relationship) and try to [...]

2010-10-14 // 7 Comments

It’s the little things that count

  Small things can create big smiles … all to be done in limitation of course…you don’t want shit getting tired, ya get me?   MAKE PANCAKES FROM SCRATCH ON A SUNDAY MORNING If you don’t have a Nigella Lawson book [...]

2010-10-09 // 2 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 69

STOP BEING SO DAMN AVAILABLE ALL THE TIME Be offline sometimes.  Then when you are online, people get excited.  Have you ever noticed how you will just start chatting to someone who is online whom you never see online so you just have to grab the [...]

2010-10-07 // 4 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 20

FOR BOYS ONLY DON’T ASK US, JUST DO IT I’m talking about the dirty stuff here.  It’s hot if you just take matters into your own hands and own that shit.  Except for where the jizz goes…that’s up to us. Sozz. CALL HER [...]

2010-10-06 // 6 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 68


2010-10-01 // 0 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 67

BREAK UPS ARE PRIVATE So if you are going through one, confide in close friends and when other people ask just give them the facts in order to minimize the gossip festival. IF HE DOESN’T ASK FOR YOUR NUMBER, IT MEANS HE DOESN’T WANT IT [...]

2010-09-29 // 0 Comments

Paranoia – we all get it

Yes we all get those irrational feelings. Sometimes they are justified, other times you are just being a weirdo.  I think it’s comforting to know that others have the same wack thoughts in order to make us feel better about our insecurities. [...]

2010-09-24 // 3 Comments

Happy 1st Birthday to the Owl!!

Yup, it’s a new dope banner you are eye balling my friends. My girl Motel 7 did a grand job here…it’s not that we didn’t like the old one, we just thought that seeing as it’s Owl’s first birthday we would treat [...]

2010-09-21 // 7 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 19

FOR BOYS ONLY   THE MOST OFF PUTTING THING YOU COULD EVER DO IS TO TAKE YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY Unlike you boys, we need more than just a pair of tits to give us a hard on.  Make us laugh and best of all, have the ability to laugh at [...]

2010-09-21 // 0 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 66

EVERYONE TELLS THOSE LITTLE WHITE LIES TO MAKE THEMSELVES A BIT MORE INTERESTING But here’s the thing…this is the age of the internet. Do you see Milli Vanilli getting away with that shit they did in the 90’s in 2010? I doubt it. [...]

2010-09-17 // 2 Comments

Grab the Wheel and say NO baby

OK…I’m probably about to lose alot of readers after this post, but I have had it up to *here* with this label, and I’ll tell you why.  Firstly, I am not a fashion blog and I have never claimed to be…mainly because I am not a [...]

2010-09-15 // 9 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 65

It’s a little naughty considering we have hit part 69. Pardon me for being obvious … KEEP IT CLEAN And by ‘it’ I mean your vagina. How can you expect him to savor and worship the glorious natural aroma and alluring chakras of [...]

2010-09-15 // 0 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 18

FOR BOYS ONLY ASK BEFORE YOU JIZZ Mouth/Face/Tits – it’s not for you to decide.   WE ARE DIFFERENT TO YOU Like, we can’t stay with you just because you’re pretty but you are bad in bed.  It definitely seems as though [...]

2010-09-08 // 0 Comments

The Obnoxious Owl Experience: Why? Because I can.

It’s so weird how voyeuristic we’ve become.  Well, I dunno actually, is it weird?  I think we have always been nosey parkers, but now we have the means to do it properly is all.  So let me help your inquisitive mind and give you a [...]

2010-09-07 // 5 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 64

DON’T HAVE SEX WITH YOUR ROOM MATE It never ever ever works out.  It is awkward and you will feel weird afterwards.  If there is sexual tension…well, its the tension that is making things work.  The minute you bang each other, the [...]

2010-09-04 // 5 Comments

Anyone for a cider?

  Do you all remember the incident last year when I went to smack a fly away (damn you Australia and your fly epidemic, you lot are cursed!) thus knocking a fresh glass of Shiraz all over my very beautiful and very SWITCHED ON laptop. It [...]

2010-09-02 // 7 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 63

KICK IT OLD SCHOOL AND GET YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DEVELOPED And make real life actual albums!  And remember, snaps of your holiday are only interesting to YOU…much like your dreams.  Trim the fat on the boring blow by blow details…i.e. [...]

2010-09-01 // 4 Comments


  Lemme explain why I have mad love for Claw Money. 1) Her writing back in the 90’s was what first grabbed me. I love girls in graffiti. Why? Because its fucking hard to stand your ground and get taken seriously by the boys. You have to [...]

2010-08-29 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 18

FOR BOYS ONLY OWN AT LEAST ONE SUIT It needs to fit perfectly and make you look like James Bond. It needs to not be polyester.  Your mum shouldn’t have helped you buy it when you were 17 for your year 12 ball.  The sleeves should not cover [...]

2010-08-28 // 5 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 62

  SOMETIMES, LIKE EVERY NOW AND AGAIN, IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU I know it sometimes seems that everything in your life is in the toilet and that everyone else around you looks like their life is sparkly and full of rainbows…nah ah [...]

2010-08-27 // 3 Comments

’cause I’m just a teenage dirtbag baby

The things I wish that someone told me … YOU KNOW THAT BOY YOU’RE CRYING OVER?  THE ONE YOU THINK YOU CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT? It’s all bullshit.  In ten no FIVE years from now you will either a) laugh at the fact you ever had [...]

2010-08-26 // 2 Comments

Beauty Cupboard Part 2 – For the thrifty

So the last beauty post I did actually ended up becoming some kind of Bible to some of you guys.  I had soooo much feedback which is great because now I know you all actually take heed of the shit I say but at the same time kinda freaks me out [...]

2010-08-21 // 4 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 61

DUDE, PRACTISE YOUR SEX FACE IN THE MIRROR Nobody wants to be fucking the scary dude in the white mask from ‘Scream’.  Just be aware is all I’m sayin. SIGN UP TO SOME KIND OF AIR MILE PROGRAMME Don’t you like free things or [...]

2010-08-19 // 0 Comments

The Obnoxious Owl Experience – A Blur of Weeks

I say it’s a blur because there are a combo of London and recent pics here from my dog and bone. I KNOW I’m still banging on about my trip…this will be the last I speak of it. I will keep the memories for myself whilst I cry myself [...]

2010-08-18 // 2 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 17

FOR BOYS ONLY GIRLS STILL STUFF THEIR BRAS  You know how to tell? The spillage is more that whats in the glass…ya get me? WE LOVE IT WHEN YOU SULK  It makes us wanna give you wristies tillz we get pins and needles. Not. LOSE THE MAN BAG  [...]

2010-08-18 // 2 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 60


2010-08-16 // 0 Comments

Boy Meets Perth

Do any of you born in the eighties remember ‘Boy Meets World’? About Cory Matthews? His teacher lived next door? He had a hot girlfriend named Topanga? She got really fat when they went to college? More importantly, his hot friend Shawn [...]

2010-08-14 // 4 Comments

The gutter is where I keep my mind…it likes it there

It always amuses me that at no matter what age you are…swear words and using different words for private parts and sex is funny, hell I’ve based a blog on it! So one morning after a party in East London, I was stood in the kitchen [...]

2010-08-12 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 16

FOR BOYS ONLY – A BIT OF A SHOUT OUT I always seem to be having bit of a go…so here’s a bit of a ‘thanks for that’ – this is for the fellas who know what they are doing….x THANK YOU FOR KNOWING THE RIGHT [...]

2010-08-11 // 8 Comments

The things that will make you look like a slut

RIDICULOUSLY SHORT SKIRTS IN MID WINTER – You don’t look hot, you look cold and uncomfortable. STRETCH SATIN – Why not just wear a fishnet bodysuit and get it over with? TAKING IT IN THE BUM THE FIRST TIME YOU GET DOWN – Come [...]

2010-08-09 // 5 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 59

PAY YOUR BILLS ON TIME – For many reasons, but mainly because the anxiety of them hanging over your head is way stressful. Plus a clean credit rating is a fun thing to have. KEEP UP THE DIRTY TALK – It’s hot. And it will keep him [...]

2010-08-06 // 0 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 58


2010-08-05 // 5 Comments

TYLER B MURPHY – Tattoo Artist

I like to go back to Africa every so often and pay homage to the land that reared me. On my last trip I paid Sins of Style a visit and Tyler hooked me up with a tattoo of an anchor on my inner arm. I wanted something meaningful done in my home town [...]

2010-08-03 // 5 Comments


So I went back to London recently for a little catch up and for Glastonbury (stay tuned for that post) and whilst staying in the whimsically ghetto suburb that is Dalston, I stumbled across WAH Nails. Oh dear God. Now kids, ya’ll know how I [...]

2010-08-01 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 15

FOR BOYS ONLY NO WE DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOUR ‘SCHLONG’ – And stop calling it ‘schlong’, what is this? 1998? You will be hard pressed to find a girl that gets off just by looking at a penis…it takes more than that [...]

2010-08-01 // 5 Comments

Steeze Inspo for Summer 2011

Someone mentioned Ja Rule last night for some God damn reason, not sure why … but it reminded me of those mad collabs Jennifer Lopez used to do with him in 2001..or was it 2002? Oh bite me you fact Nazi’s. Anyway, I used to fucking love [...]

2010-07-31 // 0 Comments

It’s my birthday and I’ll advise if I want to

With my pending birth nuptials tomorrow, I am feeling pretty ‘meh’ , thus causing me to write. I’m turning 29, which means it’s almost the end of my twenties which means I will soon no longer be a ‘pretend’ adult [...]

2010-07-29 // 6 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 57

JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK IT AND DON’T SAY IT, DOESN’T MAKE YOU BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE – The trick is to fight the urge and try to become a better person. Yeah. I laughed when I wrote that. DON’T CHEAT – It’s a [...]

2010-07-25 // 0 Comments

Dealing with leaving the place you love

The time has come for me to say ta ta to my most favourite place in the world…Londres. Shit, I know I’m from Cape Town and it has a mountain and it’s Africa yadda yadda yadda but man, fuck that shit, I love this massive English [...]

2010-07-20 // 0 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 56

GET RID OF THOSE RANDOM HAIRS THAT GROW AROUND YOUR NIPPLES – Don’t get grossed out, you know they happen. Grab your tweezers and sort that shit out please. YOU CAN’T USE THE EXCUSE THAT YOU WERE DRUNK WHEN YOU HOPPED INTO BED WITH [...]

2010-07-09 // 1 Comment

Our Lil’

Other than Maya, I’d say Lily Allen is another flavour fave for moi. I don’t know what it is, I guess I enjoy the ‘don’t give a fuck’ attitudes of young girls going against social conformity, I dunno…mabes that my [...]

2010-07-09 // 5 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 14

FOR BOYS ONLY STOP BEING A WIMP – There is a fine line between being sensitive and being a pussy. The former is attractive, the latter makes our vagina dry. IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE WITH HER ANYMORE, BREAK UP WITH HER IN A KIND, HONEST [...]

2010-07-08 // 2 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 55

GET ENOUGH SLEEP – You may think you are laughing in the face of the sandman, but that little fucker will chuck you under a sand dune when you least expect it. Don’t underestimate the power of the slumber, and get some shut eye. You are [...]

2010-07-03 // 3 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 54


2010-06-18 // 4 Comments

Rockin and Rollin and What Not

Sozz sauce, but I’m going to be a bit shit with regards to posts this week. I have just arrived back ‘home’ in London Town and the amount of old faces I am metaphorically dry humping is astounding. But ze blog is not forgotten, [...]

2010-06-16 // 2 Comments

Booked it, Packed it, Fucked off

So I am about to embark on a trip to the UK. I haven’t been back since I lived there 3 years ago so there are plenty of people to catch up with, lots of trinkets to peruse, and new adventures to be had. I am leaving fairly soon, and I have [...]

2010-06-14 // 5 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 53

IF YOU THINK YOU DON’T LIKE A KIND OF FOOD, YOU PROBABLY ACTUALLY DO – Like I used to think I hated curry, then I had it for the first time tonight and it was like the world cup in my mouth. Pretty wonderful. Except I defs know that I [...]

2010-06-12 // 1 Comment

2 Birds … 1 Stone …

  I wish I could take the credit for coming up with the name, but alas, young Peche (who doodled the ghetto owl) was the wordsworth. Who knew! If you are in Perth on the 30th July, or if you want to fly in, you should totes hit this up. [...]

2010-06-11 // 4 Comments

Deposit for the Wank Bank: Anthony Kiedis

I know this is like circa 2000 but I pretty much fell in love with him then. There was just something about that white blonde hair and tanned Cali skin. I actually have no idea what he looks like now…and quite frankly, don’t want to know [...]

2010-06-08 // 2 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 52

IF YOU FEEL YOU MAY HAVE BEEN ON A SEXUAL CONVEYOR BELT, GET THE HELL OUT – You are better than being a notch on the bed post. If you don’t think so, he won’t think so. ED HARDY IS THE BRAND OF NUMB NUTS – Stay away from it [...]

2010-06-06 // 7 Comments


I love this French artist that throws up these little mosaic wonders. He even makes little maps so that you can find each ‘invasion’. In Montpellier (about as ghetto as France can get, even the homeboys look chic) he chose the location [...]

2010-06-05 // 8 Comments

Mama Africa

  Isaiah 51:1 Look to the rock from which you were cut and to the quarry from which you were hewn; The world cup is about to kick off in a week. How could I forget with the 400 out of my 900 facebook friends being in South Africa and reminding [...]

2010-06-04 // 3 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 51

YOU DON’T WANNA BE BRINGING OUT ALL YOUR TRICKS THE FIRST TIME YOU HAVE SEX – Easy does it tiger. Why watch the whole show if all the good things happen in the beginning? TOTES LOOK INTO SOME KIND OF ‘FEM FRESH’ PRODUCT [...]

2010-06-04 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 50

DON’T OVER APOLOGIZE – If you are like me, then you will over analyse the situation thus become more paranoid than a junkie which means you may try to over compensate. Don’t. It does nobody any good and it makes you look weak. TRY [...]

2010-06-01 // 2 Comments

Knob End Alerts

The following are fairly good indicators of a wanker, or a group there of. As usual, take this post with the proverbial, some people just have poor judgment and are not necessarily wanky. But unfortch, these things usually mean they are. Hummer [...]

2010-05-31 // 6 Comments


First thing I thought of as soon as I heard Die Antwoord were receiving world recognition: “Does anyone who isn’t South African understand what they’re saying?” Generally us saffers are left shocked and amazed by the blatant [...]

2010-05-27 // 4 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 13

FOR BOYS ONLY IF A GIRL MESSAGES AND CALLS YOU INCESSANTLY IT’S BECAUSE SHE HAS TOO MUCH TIME ON HER HANDS – Sometimes it would seem that she may be obsessed, and often it is, but it’s also out of boredom or because you said you [...]

2010-05-27 // 5 Comments

OWL’S SOFA: ‘Do we screw the crew?’

“Dear Owl, I am interested to hear your thoughts on the “Don’t Screw The Crew”* principle… Forgive me if this is a topic you have already covered! Was just pondering it on the walk to work, and realised of late I have been in [...]

2010-05-27 // 6 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 49


2010-05-25 // 0 Comments

Wear Sunscreen by Baz Luhrmann

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense [...]

2010-05-21 // 4 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 48

THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE – Probs the only thing that you really need to take from the Bible. BE CAREFUL HOW YOU DRESS DURING WINTER – If you go out on a night with a minus 5 degree temperature, and all you are wearing is a tight, [...]

2010-05-19 // 2 Comments

Imma take you back to the nineties

… to the ma’ fuckin 90’s yo! It seems as though the nineteen nineties have taken over the 80’s as the coolest decade. I think because it was now over a 10 years ago, and therefore can be classed as ‘retro’. I was [...]

2010-05-16 // 7 Comments


… the dude you’ve been talking to starts talking to the girl you utterly can’t stand? Doesn’t he KNOW she is a mole? … people who do nothing but watch Masterchef and stay at home criticize your efforts or hobbies? Yeah, [...]

2010-05-14 // 4 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 47

LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO GET PEDANTIC OVER PAINT COLOURS– Whether it’s ‘Ivory’, ‘Old Lace’, ‘Seashell’ or ‘Pearl’ it’s just all fucking WHITE. OK? BRUNCH IS THE BEST MEAL YOU COULD EVER [...]

2010-05-12 // 0 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 12

FOR BOYS ONLY YOU SHOULD BE LIKE JAY Z – And you should seek your Beyonce. Girls have game nowadays. They got money, a personality, hustling skills, imagination, most are more liberal in bed etc. Don’t be intimidated. Embrace it. Become [...]

2010-05-12 // 4 Comments

What they really mean when they say…

“I’ve just been real busy” = He can’t be fucked. “I was gonna come meet you but I fell asleep” = He can’t be fucked. “I have to do something else first, but I can meet you at about midnight [...]

2010-05-11 // 6 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. PART 46

HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS? – What do you mean you don’t know? These are one of the questions one needs to know the answer to in order to realise and define your personality. It goes along with your favourite colour, what kind of music [...]

2010-05-10 // 3 Comments

Time Out

So. I feel it necessary every so often to take a breather and reflect on this absurd blog. I like to call it a ‘time out’. Sometimes I bet alot of you think (’cause I know I do) , ‘Who does this Owl bird think she is?’ [...]

2010-05-10 // 10 Comments

In case you forgot…

I was featured in the contributor section of the last YEN mag. haha! Who says self praise is no [...]

2010-05-09 // 2 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 45

THE ODD DRESS UP/ROLE PLAY GOES DOWN A TREAT – Please note: The nurse/police/air steward outfit is for bedroom only…NOT Halloween. But then again, these are all predictable and obvious. Rather use your imagination and get involved in [...]

2010-05-08 // 3 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 44

THE CORRECT PRONUNCIATION OF ‘CROISSANT’– This is a tricky one. Because if you pronounce it as it’s spelt when you’re in Europe, you seem like an uneducated pleb. Pronounce it correctly here in Aus and you sound kinda [...]

2010-05-06 // 2 Comments

The Obnoxious Owl Experience – Week 3

FYI – The whole ‘Obnoxious Owl Experience’ week thing is not sequential (in case you were wondering). My Nokia 6700 captured a few rad things this week. Mainly me, but then, I’m pretty rad innit? But not as radical as [...]

2010-05-05 // 4 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 43

JUST BECAUSE YOU TOOK A BOY HOME, DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO SEX HIM – It may have seemed like a good idea at the club but if in the cold light of your apartment/hotel room you decide you are no longer feeling it, you ain’t obliged [...]

2010-05-05 // 0 Comments


Oh God. I know Imma bit slow on the uptake here but I first clapped eyes on this vid yesterday. How good is B’s ass in those jeans!? I was crumpin in my car today to this [...]

2010-05-04 // 2 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 42

BEWARE OF TOOTHPICKS – They get the irrit bits of animal flesh out of the gaps between your molars, but they fuck up your gums. JUST BECAUSE IT’S OLD, DOESN’T MEAN IT’S ‘VINTAGE’ – Or cool for that matter. [...]

2010-04-28 // 5 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 11

FOR BOYS ONLY ROSARY BEADS COULDN’T BE MORE OVER – Yes David Beckham kinda looked hot in them in …when was it? 2001 maybe? But now it’s just lame ESPECIALLY if you aren’t even remotely religious. It’s just my [...]

2010-04-22 // 7 Comments

Tinie Tempah you devil!

Dunno if any of you remember his first tune “Wifey”? Well I do. When I lived in London I remember it being played countless times on Channel U. Aaah Channel U *sigh* – mostly crap but would sometimes deliver a cracker, and Patrick [...]

2010-04-20 // 4 Comments

Beauty Cupboard Part 1

Yup, I’m about to share with you my most fave products that ever lived – and trust me, I’ve done the legwork. I have such an obsession with make-up, skincare and fragrance because it is THE best treat you could possibly buy [...]

2010-04-18 // 8 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 41

THE WORD ‘PAKI’ IS NOT COOL – Not everyone who looks like they could be from Pakistan are from Pakistan. How would you feel if you were called an American if you were Canadian? Irish if you were Scottish? Kiwi if you were Aussie? A [...]

2010-04-17 // 4 Comments

‘Oh hey baby, wanna play?’

I was cruising round David Jones Department Store today and would like to know WHY Barbie is now dressing like a high class hooker? Who the fuck is in charge of styling over at Mattel? Paris Hilton?And furthermore…why is it that black Barbie [...]

2010-04-14 // 3 Comments

The Beige List

See I think people don’t really get what I mean when I say something is ‘beige’. I keep seeing readers of this blog using it completely outta context! You can’t call someone or something ‘beige’ just because you [...]

2010-04-13 // 8 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 40

IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE ONE OR THE OTHER – Just because you are hooked up does not mean that it needs to be DVDs and cuddles every God. forsaken. weekend, nor does it have to be all hip hop till you don’t stop every night either. Mix [...]

2010-04-12 // 3 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 39

IF A GUY ASKS FOR YOUR NUMBER, CHECK HIS WALLPAPER WHEN HE GETS OUT HIS PHONE – If it’s a pic of him and a girl – it probs ain’t his sister. If he has a picture of Agyness Deyn because he likes her ‘edginess’ and [...]

2010-04-10 // 1 Comment

If I ain’t obnoxious then I’m rude…

It’s no secret that I have a passion for garish prints and bright colours. And obviously being from South Africa I kinda get nostalgic around anything ethnic inspired. So Rihanna’s new video for Rude Boy nearly sent me into convulsions. [...]

2010-04-09 // 4 Comments

Oh Johnny…

Soz but I could not go another minute without posting this picture. Oh my Good Glorious GOD…why in the hell did these 2 ever break up?! Look at Mossy just laying there as if it’s perfectly fine that J.Depp’s face is inches away [...]

2010-04-07 // 6 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 38

IF YOU ARE A DRIVER WOULD YOU INDICATE PLEASE – For fucks sake, are you tryna kill me? MAKE SURE ALL TRACES OF TOILET PAPER ARE REMOVED BEFORE SEXY TIME – That shit will stay with you. It is something that will DEFINITELY come up during [...]

2010-04-07 // 3 Comments

Owl goes Gaga

Oh get off your ‘I’m-too-cool-to like-Gaga’ high horse and open your mind. In a sea of black skinny jeaned front men and laid back attitudes towards stage costume, Lady Gaga is just what we need. Her music is OK, (although I now [...]

2010-04-02 // 6 Comments

It’s all about the Benjamin

It’s actually quite laughable I am attempting to give any advice on money. I am to money what Gary Glitter is to kids…dangerous and extreme. Seriously. Up until about 2 years ago I used to see cash as just a minor obstacle to getting [...]

2010-03-31 // 2 Comments

The Obnoxious Owl Experience

I have a ridiculous relationship with my camera phone. It’s not even a particularly good device but I just love the little sucker. I am a Nokia devotee because nothing pisses me off quite as much as when I a) can’t work out technology or [...]

2010-03-29 // 3 Comments


I went to see The Pixies last night. If anyone asks me what my favourite band is, The Pixies is always my answer. Sure I don’t listen to them all the time, and I’m really a bit of a hip hop and fresh new music kinda gal – but these [...]

2010-03-28 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 37

IF YOU DON’T HEART YOUR JOB, FIND A NEW ONE – Hey, the employment fairy ain’t gonna fly down, wave it’s wand and provide you with a dopealicious job that puts a smile on your face. Get out there and do the bloody legwork! [...]

2010-03-23 // 5 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 36

FASHION MAGAZINES ARE BOGUS– We are now in 2010. In the 90’s we were told to dump the leggings and shoulder pads because everyone was so repulsed by 1980’s style. Now the same rags are putting it on their front covers. All [...]

2010-03-19 // 5 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 10

FOR BOYS ONLY IF YOUR HAIR IS RECEDING, SHAVE THE BASTARD – Embrace nature and go with it. There is nothing worse than the stench of desperation from a man trying to hang on to his last 5 strands. It just means you have more testosterone [...]

2010-03-15 // 3 Comments

Single to Mingle

I’m 28 years old and give or take a few hit and misses, I have been single for 3 years. These are my views… SEX – I’m not only starting this post with this topic because I am the Owl – (we use caps for the Owl now [...]

2010-03-08 // 3 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 35

DRESS UP IN HIS FAVOURITE SPORTING TEAMS KIT – With nothing underneath and a will to please. There’s a good girl. QUIT SMOKING OR BETTER YET, DON’T EVEN START – I know it’s easier said than done. But it’s really [...]

2010-03-02 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 34

YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE NATURALLY GOOD LOOKING TO BE HOT – It’s true! SO many times I’ve met dudes that haven’t grabbed my attention when I first looked at them, but then after a little chinwag and a few glasses of vino, I [...]

2010-02-26 // 1 Comment


…you take your car through the car wash and you forget to close the back window? …the guy you’ve just had rumpy with, leaves his used condom on the floor? Manners costs nothing people. …all you want to do is sit down at the [...]

2010-02-24 // 5 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 33

GLADIATOR SANDALS ARE NOT MEANT FOR CLUBBING – For God’s sake woman. They are for the beach, Saturday shopping and brunch with the girls. Not for booty popping to some beats. Plus there is the hazard of people stepping on your toes and [...]

2010-02-21 // 1 Comment

Shelley Pratt – ‘TOTALLY BAKED’

If you are a reader of this blog (of course you are) then you will know I love cupcakes. I know it’s current pop culture fashion for everyone to love them right now, but I really do love the suckers. If you know this, then you will also know [...]

2010-02-19 // 5 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 32

SHAVE UNDER YOUR ARMS PLEASE – If I have to tell you why, then kindly stop reading this blog. I don’t know you. ALL GUYS THINK ABOUT HAVING SEX WITH YOU WHEN THEY FIRST MEET YOU– The thought crosses their mind for defs. First they [...]

2010-02-18 // 2 Comments

KAZZ – Owner of Caribbean Kitchen

It is no secret that I have a passion for all things dance hall and dub step (those fly girls I used to work with in London will vouch for me) this being said, when I decided to throw this soiree I wanted it to be lively, I wanted colour, I wanted [...]

2010-02-17 // 1 Comment


NEW KICKS – They are so shiny, and clean and you have a million outfit possibilities going on in your head and your day is instantly brighter. THEMED CUPCAKES – I HATE themed parties but I LOVE themed cupcakes. It’s just genius, [...]

2010-02-16 // 1 Comment

Chris Hemingway – Event Organising Machine

OK, so it’s no secret I’m planning an epic party on Feb 27th to raise funds for Haiti and to get a bunch of amazoid peeps together. There are many fingers in this feathery pie so in the run up to the event I will be introducing you to [...]

2010-02-13 // 0 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 31

IF YOU HAVE YOUR EYE ON SOMETHING SPECTACULAR JUST GO AHEAD AND BUY THE DAMN THING – Because these talented designers end up doing silly things like topping themselves and then that precious item will be even further out of your reach. Lee [...]

2010-02-12 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 9

FOR BOYS ONLY ALWAYS BEING BROKE IS NOT SEXY – Constantly having to spot you change for cigarettes, buying round after round and giving you ‘lunch money’ gets really boring and makes us feel like your mum. No matter how large your [...]

2010-02-09 // 4 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 30

WHEN PURCHASING A NEW CAR, TRY TO STEER AWAY FROM THE COLOUR BLACK – It may look sexy to start with, but the bastard shows every conceivable bump, fingerprint and scratch. Ya need stamina for the ebony hue. IF YOU ARE EVER CHOSEN TO DANCE ON [...]

2010-02-07 // 4 Comments


Yeah so what was supposed to be a small get together for all my rad Perth readers has turned into quite the extravaganza! Not that I’m complaining. During the planning process the horrible earthquake hit HAITI and I decided, along with my good [...]

2010-02-05 // 4 Comments


Soz for the lame play on words but I’m feeling a lil girly today. And I have to stress how much I friggin love LIME CRIME cosmetics. Seriously. Like Doe Deere (the creator) says, this is the usual lipstick colour palette… I mean, it [...]

2010-02-04 // 6 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 29

TRY AND GIVE TO SOME SORT OF CHARITY – However small. But research your charities because there alot of sharks out there. You may think your $$$ are going to an Ethiopian orphan named Ben but it may be going to line the pockets of some fuck [...]

2010-02-03 // 2 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 28

DON’T SHAVE BETWEEN BIKINI WAXES– Unless you are into self harm that is. Ladies, you will climb the walls if they slap hot wax onto your pubic bristles and yank that shit out. Just be patient and wait for your appointment. If you are [...]

2010-01-30 // 5 Comments

Check out my ride …

So at 28 years of age I finally acquired my driving license. Don’t snigger… I spent the better half of my twenties in London…and driving over there was just a decadence that I could not afford. So anyway, with a license comes some [...]

2010-01-28 // 4 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 27

TAKE OUT INSURANCE AND SAY YES TO EXTENDED WARRANTY – Yes yes, I KNOW you think it will all be fine and nothing will happen/break/get stolen/have red wine poured all over it, but trust me kittens, as they say…’shit happens’. [...]

2010-01-21 // 5 Comments

OH no she didn’t…

Oh yes I did! After an unsuccessful hunt for blue lipstick a dear friend put me onto this fresh website called Lime Crime and I found the perfect shade of smurf! Don’t be too much in awe with my out-of-the box thinking … I was actually [...]

2010-01-17 // 4 Comments


… peeps don’t take that layer of plastic off the display screens on dvd and music players? Or worse, when they start to take it off then decide not to and put it back, so it has a bunch of air bubbles underneath it? Like FUCK, what are [...]

2010-01-16 // 6 Comments


Well you all know that my most favourite contemporary artist ever is my girl Motel 7. She is also the wonder behind my banner for this ‘ere blog. She has a solo show coming up in Amsterdam as well as Oslo where she currently resides. So if you [...]

2010-01-15 // 6 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 8

SORTING THE MEN FROM THE BOYS… BOY: Will read the ‘to do’ list. MAN: Knows what needs to be done. BOY: Whining that you don’t have a condom and claim that skin on skin is so much better. MAN: On realising that you don’t [...]

2010-01-14 // 7 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 26


2010-01-13 // 6 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 25

TRY TO KEEP UP THOSE RESOLUTIONS – And don’t tell every bugger about them because if you fall off the wagon you have a thousand hypocrites pointing their finger. Just do your best…it’s all anyone can ever ask of you, even [...]

2010-01-04 // 7 Comments


We’re on the brink of another new year. I realise that it’s a cliche, but I love new beginnings. Like starting diets on Mondays, or having a month off from shagging randoms etc…it definitely helps the process of attempting to be [...]

2009-12-28 // 5 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 24

NOTHING IS A BARGAIN IF YOU ARE BROKE – Even $2 is expensive if you don’thave it. Don’t be fooled by those alluring sales. THE ONLY WAY TO EAT A STEAK IS MEDIUM RARE – Why have it so bloody that it looks as though it has yet [...]

2009-12-18 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 23

WITH THE GOOD, MUST COME THE BAD – If you don’t have a few fuck wits running around and pulling you down and kicking you in the proverbial face, then you wouldn’t appreciate the bodacious peeps out there that make living worth [...]

2009-12-18 // 0 Comments


Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin – Seriously now. Could you get more fucking boring? Then there is all that macro biotic shit and naming your kids after fruit and veg…so yes, I guess you could get more boring. Having specific nights to [...]

2009-12-17 // 21 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 7


2009-12-14 // 4 Comments


SOMETIMES, YOU MIGHT MEET YOUR GREATEST FRIENDS LATER ON IN LIFE – I have met the best friend I have ever had at the age of 28. He is male and he is only 21. Hollywood and the norm tells us that your greatest friends are usually your friends [...]

2009-12-10 // 6 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 22

GET YOUR BEAUTY SLEEP – Because without it, you are a moody, cranky bitch and you will get bags under your eyes. Louis Vuitton bags, but bags none the less. Just make sure that you get to bed before 10pm at least 3 times a week. You’ll [...]

2009-12-08 // 6 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 21

IF YOU ARE GONNA SHAG ONE OF YOUR MATES, BE PREPARED FOR THE CONSEQUENCES – You have had the mild flirtation for a while, you get on well and you find them incredibly attractive so one drunken night you act on your animal instinct. Things will [...]

2009-12-07 // 2 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 6

THE WORST THING YOU CAN SAY TO A GIRL WITH PMS … ‘WHAT’S UP? HAVE YOU GOT YOUR PERIOD OR SOMETHING?’ – It is also the worst thing you can say to a girl if she is just in a bad mood. Don’t make us want to kill you. [...]

2009-12-03 // 2 Comments


SOMETIMES WE QUESTION OUR EXISTENCE – Would anyone notice if we weren’t around? Would we have to worry about work, whether our family is happy or not, whether we get on our friends nerves or not, are we thin enough, are we doing anything [...]

2009-12-02 // 7 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 20

DON’T EAT THAT WHOLE BLOCK OF CHOCOLATE Just don’t do it. You will hate yourself afterwards. You know you will. Minute on the lips, lifetime on the hips. DON’T BE MEAN TO BOYS AND THEN GET UPSET WHEN THEY RETALIATE Guys get a bad [...]

2009-11-30 // 7 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 6

FOR BOYS ONLY WE KNOW YOU HAVE TO SPIT BUT COULD YOU AVOID DOING THOSE BACK OF THE THROAT ONES IN FRONT OF US? We aren’t sure WHY you need to spit, but those back of the throat, sinus clearing winners are the most disgusting things ever and [...]

2009-11-28 // 2 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 19

  JUST TO TOUCH ON AN EARLIER POST…   The following should also be avoided being used as lube: olive oil, Vaseline, lube that is made to ‘tingle’ (some sadistic bastard made this), hand cream or any other kind of [...]

2009-11-28 // 6 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 18

DON’T WEIGH YOURSELF EVERY SINGLE DAY I swear to God this will make you want to kill yourself. Your weight fluctuates and sometimes you are holding more water than usual or you’re body is holding onto some stored fat and is about to get [...]

2009-11-27 // 2 Comments


  KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GETTING YOURSELF IN FOR Do you think you might like the guy? Are you able to do this and not feel the need to compulsively message and facebook stalk him afterwards? Are you sure you are doing it because you are really horny [...]

2009-11-24 // 8 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 17

FACEBOOK UPDATES TELLING THE WORLD ABOUT YOUR BREAK UP/CALLING PEOPLE NAMES/ONLINE BRAWLS – ARE BEYOND TACKY Don’t get me wrong, it is super entertaining for the reader, but it makes you look a little pathetic. Facebook is an easy online [...]

2009-11-22 // 3 Comments

Let’s take a breath…

Today I’ve been working on an interview on a much respected artist from my own country South Africa. I enjoy interviewing and I enjoy art. If I’m being honest, I just love to look at it. I love bright colours and anything that makes [...]

2009-11-22 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 5

FOR BOYS ONLY CHILL OUT ON THE HOMOPHOBIA It ain’t sexy honey. What do you think these gay guys are going to do to you exactly? Hold you down and take your bum hole virginity whilst singing a Cher number into your ear all whilst wearing pink [...]

2009-11-19 // 4 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 16

  AVOID V.P.L   Visible. Panty. Line. If you can’t handle a g-string then go without knickers rather than having this unsightly ridge around your bottom. The V.P.L does the same to an otherwise fabulous outfit what guys doing baby [...]

2009-11-17 // 5 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 15

COCKTAIL GOGGLES ARE REAL   When we are drunk, guys suddenly seem a lot more like Brad Pitt than ‘the pits’. It’s a bit of a double edged sword really, because without the drunken, embarrassing hook ups, we don’t have [...]

2009-11-16 // 4 Comments


FOR BOYS ONLY So here we go then. A guide for you fellas in the art of cunnilingus. (‘Going down on us’ for the slow one’s). Believe it or not, there are a few woman who do not enjoy having their bit’s licked – they are [...]

2009-11-11 // 10 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 14

IF SOMEONE IS UNABLE TO MAKE OUT YOUR CHARACTER, THEY WILL LOOK AT YOUR FRIENDS Just like your clothes, your apartment, your hairstyle etc your friends are an extension of you. It is a very accurate ruler to measure what someone is like by the kind [...]

2009-11-10 // 5 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 13

LAUGHING AT BIG ISSUE SELLERS IS JUST NOT COOL   In any shape or form. OK, SOMETIMES they say ‘Big Issue’ a bit funny, and yes it can be amusing but I actually saw two little teenage dregs of human pointing and laughing at an old [...]

2009-11-08 // 3 Comments


  SOMETIMES IT IS PERFECTLY FINE TO DRINK AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF WINE ON YOUR OWN It’s when it turns into a case of wine every single week that it becomes a problem. There is something quite wonderful about indulging in an entire bottle of [...]

2009-11-06 // 11 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 4

FOR BOYS ONLY THERE IS NO NEED FOR YOU TO TELL US HOW HOT YOU THINK OUR FRIENDS ARE Unless you want to suck your own dick later that is.   CLEANSE AND MOISTURISE YOUR FACE It. is. not. gay. You need to do it. Do you think that baby bottom skin [...]

2009-11-05 // 9 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 12

DURING THE SUMMER MONTHS YOU MIGHT NEED TO MAKE USE OF YOUR SHOWER MORE THAN ONCE A DAY Yes people, I’m talking morning and night you dirty buggers. Make use of natures natural cleanser and clean your crevices. I’m not only advising you [...]

2009-11-04 // 7 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part onze

YOU DESERVE TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO IS NICE TO YOU ALL THE TIME  Sometimes when someone is super nice for like 10 seconds we tend to hang on to that short moment of bliss…but stand back honey and look at the bigger picture. You don’t [...]

2009-11-03 // 6 Comments


OK, So a little about my background. I was born in Cape Town to an English mother and a Portuguese father. I lived there until I was 18 before fleeing to England like everyone did in 1999. Many said I would be home by Christmas…I was gone for [...]

2009-11-02 // 7 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 3

FOR BOYS ONLY WE ACTUALLY NOTICE WHEN YOU ARE RE ARRANGING YOUR BALLS Could you stop doing that in public please? How would you like it if we went around sticking our hands down our trousers in front of you? Actually never mind, you would love that. [...]

2009-10-31 // 0 Comments

Spike Savage – Writer

Being a woman of no nonsense and a general ‘dark’ sense of humour, I tend to find that most of my friends are male. This is not a conscious decision but more of a natural development. One of my dearest and dare I say it, oldest friends, [...]

2009-10-31 // 0 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part dix

BE CAREFUL OF HOW YOU ARE PORTRAYED ON THE WORLD WIDE WEB So let’s get this straight. Your by line on your Myspace page says, ‘HI-LIFE,RIDE-LIFE,RICH-LIFE,BITCH-LIFE [[fuck the pretenders, EARN RESPECT]]’ next to a photo of you [...]

2009-10-27 // 6 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part neuf

DO NOT PLUCK YOUR EYEBROWS, CUT YOUR TOE NAILS OR BUY TAMPONS IN FRONT OF HIM Are you actually trying to ruin your life? What the flaming frank are you trying to do here? In boy land we are all mystical creatures, and they really do hope that we [...]

2009-10-25 // 4 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 2

FOR BOYS ONLY DON’T BREAK UP WITH A GIRL VIA TEXT MESSAGE/TWITTER/FACEBOOK OR GETTING A FRIEND TO TELL HER Listen, I know you’d rather dangle your balls in a tank filled with flesh eating piranhas than break a girls heart to her face [...]

2009-10-22 // 0 Comments


Motel7 better known to me as Toyah is talent incarnate. We met 3 years ago in Cape Town, subsequently because she read one of my blogs where I was ignorantly bitching and whining about the lack of fashion sense in the Mother City and she jokingly [...]

2009-10-19 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part huit

MAKE YOUR APARTMENT A NICE PLACE TO LIVE I seriously believe the place in which you dwell is one of the many reflections of you. So you have dishes gathering mould, a smelly bathroom, ugly furniture and dust on every conceivable surface…is [...]

2009-10-19 // 0 Comments

Honey, they don’t call it a job for nothing.

OK, so I’m just gonna say it from the start. This is a blog about blow jobs. Now I have to be careful here because my dear mother reads my blog entries. But I did dish out some advice in an earlier entry advising that you should learn to give [...]

2009-10-17 // 2 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part sept

  ANY GARMENT MADE OUT OF POLYESTER STRETCH SATIN SCREAMS TACKY Come now girls. Unless you are a stripper named Cookie, Candy or any other kind of confectionery this is not a good idea. Nothing good can come of it. Very rarely are there items [...]

2009-10-15 // 4 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part six

YOU LOOK SPECIAL NEEDS WHEN YOU TYPE LIKE A PUBESCENT Serisly, ittt looks slightly retarded when you’s type lik thiiisss. If yOu R )vEr the @ge of 16 & u typppe like yooou R uSiNg yourrr elbowssss *** then you arrre basicallly sayyying you [...]

2009-10-09 // 0 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part cing

BUY JEANS THAT FIT YOU I swear to God, denim can be to your ass like Wonderbra’s are to your tits. The trick is to find the right fit. If you have a wobbly belly then indulge in some high waisted sexy pants, if you have shapely pins then rock [...]

2009-10-06 // 2 Comments


So I have this great friend named Asha Davies. We mainly bonded over a love for Indian culture, hairy boys and red wine but the thing we both loved to do is dance like no one is watching. Actually, we’re both exhibitionists so we are probably [...]

2009-10-04 // 2 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part quatre

GET A BRAZILIAN. Sure it hurts more than a Chinese burn and can be somewhat pricey, but once you’ve had it, there is no going back. And really, hair is SO five years ago.   PICK SOMEONE. DON’T GET PICKED. I stand by this. You [...]

2009-10-01 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part trois

IF HE TALKS ABOUT HIS FAMILY DISRESPECTFULLY DUMP HIM. Seems harsh I know. But they are his blood and that’s how he speaks about them, imagine how he will speak about you? Not cool.   IF YOU GO TO SEE A BAND, MAKE THE EFFORT AND DANCE. [...]

2009-09-16 // 0 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part deux

IF HE IS NOT ANSWERING YOUR CALLS NOR REPLYING TO YOUR TEXT MESSAGES ITS BECAUSE HE DOESN’T WANT TO. Yes, this is a hard fact to face. Rejection is like a big icy wind slapping you in the face, it sucks giant balls and makes you feel [...]

2009-09-11 // 2 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part un

OK, so I’ve been around for 28 years now and I’ve gained alot of baggage (both physically and emotionally) and with it, comes experience…so listen up my lovely’s… MASTURBATE. I’m not joking. Take $40 of your hard [...]

2009-09-03 // 6 Comments

14 reasons why it sucked

OK so here’s the deal. Me + men are a pathetic match. Yet again I have been part of a failed relationship, this time it only last 4 months and we only had sex once (it was long distance). If I’m being honest, I kinda knew it was doomed [...]

2009-09-03 // 4 Comments