Caribbean Rum with Coconut Flavour


I always keep a bottle of Malibu in the house and when I say always, I mean since last summer. To me, the stuff always used to smell therefore taste like suntan lotion so I never went near it but then a Nigella coconut cake called for nearly half a bottle of the coconut liquid which meant me having to buy a bottle. The cake went down a treat at our impromptu end of summer party but not as well as when I discovered that the only alcoholic thing I had in my house one night was this wild card spirit when I had a visit from some unexpected guests. Mixed with some guava juice I had in the fridge it made for a refreshing (albeit sweet) beverage for a balmy evening. Lately I have found that a cap of Malibu in strong black coffee is a wonderful winter’s evening after dinner cocktail. No seriously, try it. Also I love the bottle, not to mention their incredible website. 

Malibu has found itself in my house through strange channels on many occasions and I’m not going to fight it. My dream is to live in Jamaica one day so I will just take this as a sign. I have never actually bought a bottle with the intention of drinking it. It has always been for when a recipe calls for it but the current bottle I have was a gift. I went on a date with this guy who was funny and charming but I think a bit gay and doesn’t know it. Anyway, we went to the liquor store to get some booze and I happened to mention that the Malibu was on sale so he swept up a bottle and gave it to me. Very sweet indeed. But not as sweet as the four pack of Smirnoff Ice he was buying for himself! You can tell a lot about a man by what he drinks. Call me crazy, but a 32 year old man who drinks Smirnoff Ice as his usual tipple is no man at all. I know I said I was giving up judgment for Lent but I feel that even Jesus himself would cosign this judgement.

Moral of the story is, I am just going to accept that I like sweet liquors. There is also something wonderfully chic about having one in the house. In my opinion.

Bottoms up, bitches!


(this is not a sponsored post ps)


I don’t think you’re ready for this Jelly


Remember how last summer we were all obsessed with Jelly Shoes? I used to hit the Jellybeans site all the time and refresh to see if they had my size in the colour I wanted. It was hard because they were in a perpetual state of being sold out. Man, I wanted those shoes so badly in white because they were pulling on my nostalgia strings. I used to shop this little store called Quadrophenia when I was a pubescent in the 90s for these babies all the time.  Continue reading

That’s Desire

Client Liaison


I was introduced to the Melbourne band Client Liaison by my mate Alex at a warehouse party nearly 2 years ago and I have never looked back even though looking back is what they inspire you to do.

I am inspired by all things prior to the time we are living in right now. I like new but I love old. What I like most, is old with a new twist. Recycling if you will. These guys obviously have a schtik but they embody it. Then you go to listen to their music and it’s very current, very fresh, very cool. Uniqueness is my weakness.

Their new vid for the track That’s Desire does not disappoint. That electro beat with Monte’s fluid vocals will get you having all them feelings. The faded imagery with neon accents that make you feel like you are in 1985 but when you turn it up loud you are right here, right now in 2014. It’s a winning combination.

Client Liaison begin their national tour on April 20th in Portsea

Here are the rest of the dates

Bravo lads!



You Aren’t Where You Eat by Hannah Joyner


This is going to be a tricky thing to critique because I love eating and I love Melbourne. I lived in the cbd for five years from my late teens to my early twenties and right during the revived bar culture. So I remember when the city was still a pretty sleepy place on a weeknight and now even on a Monday you can find people out puking on the street.

The way café’s get written about these days makes me feel like a tourist in my own town. By which I mean, there’s so much supposedly to see and do and you feel the need to take a photo everywhere you go. Not that there isn’t anything to see, I mean it’s a pretty exciting time to have a disposable income in Melbourne. There’s about a hundred new frozen yoghurt stores all of a sudden. I don’t know which one came first. I just know that some offer muesli and dried fruit mix to sprinkle on top. Which is always the funny thing about fads, they’re actually kind of gross and no one is saying anything because they’re too busy #omgsogood #foodporn #melbournesummer. You get the idea. I’m a little concerned though, because #melbournesummer is over, so what are the frozen yoghurt places going to turn into… Continue reading

My parents went to Bali and all I got was this photograph


My parents have been married for 32 years this year and they love each other like they met yesterday. I know, it’s sickening. I often blame them for setting up the high expectations I have for finding love. I’m not prepared to settle. Why should I? I love being on my own way too much in order to rock the boat plus, the times I have fallen in love it ended in a suitably dramatic fashion. I say suitably because I am a drama queen and I have a penchant for adding one plus one and coming up with four. I’m trying to sort it out but shit is hard to do! But still, if you can’t put up with me during my Britney then you can’t have me at my Beyoncé.

The thing I love most about this is that my mother has now given up her rights to bitch and moan about any of my tattoos. Although saying that, I would rather my mum was that way inclined instead of begging me to get a matching chest piece with her or something. ‘I’m not a regular mom, I’m a cool mom!’ – can’t deal.

Happy anniversary you crazy animals


It’s Autumn, bitches!


Shit has been strange since Autumn or sorry ‘Fall’ has hit the Southern Hem. As the leaves turn brown, my skin doesn’t. The animals start setting home for the winter, as do we with our heaters and extra blankets and carbohydrates and wine and what not. Surely an energy that is so powerful that it can initiate a change of season would affect us lowly humans? I have been feeling funny and somewhat unsettled but happy none the less and kind of excited about the imminent change. I’m saying goodbye to my tan and that’s ok, I’ll get it back again in a few months. I Spring cleaned my house a little because it’s Spring somewhere in the world, isn’t it? I apply a similar logic to 420.  Continue reading

We Are All Carbon


Trying to make a living out of your passion is definitely not the easiest path to take in life. For a start, you actually need to to know in your heart that you are good enough to proceed and once you have gotten over that hurdle, the next hurdle asks for perseverance and the ability to remain focused. Creativity often comes with a side of procrastination which is the frustrating part of the process because that is when people start to wonder if they are making the right decision. Self doubt is very real and very crippling and very much a little c*nt.  Continue reading

Ageing Ungracefully by Sarah Scaife


It is somewhat amusing to consider how dramatically we humans receive the idea of ageing. We could probably even put it under the Top-Five-Things-That-Cause-People-Of-The-Western-World-To-Freak-The-Fuck-Out category, alongside religion, extraterrestrial life and Miley Cyrus. We pop out the womb all pure and perfect, only to be weathered by the harsh elements of the world with each year that we live, grow and experience – and so begins the lifelong circus of obsession to regain control of our change. I think that’s the operative word: control. Perhaps age issues are simply a matter of fear induced by a lack of this stuff. When are young, we want to be older, and when we are old, we want to be younger, and we can’t legitimately attain what we want so we become even more desperate to do so. Is there such a thing as ageing gracefully, or is this simply a myth fed to adults the way Santa is fed to children? And moreover, should we even digest what we’re fed? Perhaps vanity is underrated. After all, everyone loves a good Band-Aid. What interests me is that ageing issues are almost a common denominator in the equation of human meltdowns, but how they are handled varies depending on the poor schmuck who suffers from them.

Continue reading