FOR BOYS ONLY

 

WE DO NOT WAKE UP LOOKING LIKE THIS.

I feel like you have this notion that Scarlett Johansson and Katie Perry wake up looking like they have no pores, have zero body hair and don't indulge in the wonderment that is control underwear...WELL YOU'RE WRONG.  They do. And they do it hard. Honey, you lot actually have no idea of how much of this shit is smoke and mirrors hey. Don't get me wrong, to build a fancy house you need a solid foundation.  All I'm saying, is that you need to keep your expectations in check OK?

 

EMOTICONS.

I've told you once and I'll tell you again, if you over use smiley faces then I am here to tell you that you're gay.

 

WE READ BETWEEN THE LINES.

It's just what we do. I know I know, it ruins everything. But fuck man, we just can't help it.  That's why you have to be straight with us.  I know you would rather circumcise yourself with a flick knife than hurt a girls feelings which ends up making you feel like the bad guy, but it's in her best interest.  She will see it that way eventually.

 

AND ON THE OTHER HAND...

If you get that she may be into you and you may be feeling somewhat similar, throw her a God damn bone.  She reads between the lines, not crystal balls.

 

I AM ACTUALLY RUNNING OUT OF THINGS TO SAY.

I think my work here is done.