TAKE MY ADVICE…I DON’T USE IT ANYWAY PART 129

 

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  1. Often we will see beautiful things, things that will excite us! Dazzle us! Fill us with desire! Then we will get upset because we cannot afford these beautiful things and somehow, feel less validated because of this. The first world especially struggle to understand that sometimes we can just appreciate beauty, we don’t always have to own it. 
  2. I don’t want to harp on about appreciating your body because I know it is easier said than done. But what I will say is that comparing yourselves to other women will drive you fucking crazy. Happier girls are attractive girls. Fact.
  3. And you can just decide to be happy. Another fact.
  4. Sometimes all you will feel like doing is staying in with a pizza and a movie and that is perfectly fine. But every weekend will make you fat and also depressed.
  5. It’s winter so lets talk hosiery! Bring it back, I say. Heels, stockings, lipstick and perfume are the key ingredients to feeling like a lady.
  6. Going on dates suck, especially first dates. But try to go into them like you are just meeting a friend for a drink. And if you like him, don’t fuck him.
  7. Hey girls who are exceptional dancers! We all know you know how to dance/twerk/MTV your ass off. But sometimes on the dance floor, we just want to chill out and enjoy the song with our drink and not feel like we are trying to party at a Zumba class…ya get me?
  8. Kate Moss is 39 years old. Remember that.
  9. Food intolerances! Ok, ok I know some of you turn blue and throw up for 76 days if you so much as look at gluten or hear anyone talking about lactose but some of you are making shit up AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. Funny how none of you are booze intolerant, hey? Stop inventing eccentricities in order make yourself appear more interesting when YOU ALREADY ARE VERY INTERESTING. And while we’re on the topic, if you are going to insist on having this little fantasy intolerance then maybe just remember that a cafe that has $6 burgers on the menu and normal pubs probably don’t do GF or soy or anything like that so stop making a fuss. THERE! I said it.
  10. In life, there are those that will refuse to eat the pizza and go hungry and then there are those that will just pick the olives off.

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