TAKE MY ADVICE…I DON’T USE IT ANYWAY PART 136

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  1. If you don’t have special knickers reserved for the days leading up to your period then you are doing it wrong. 
  2. It’s easy to ignore the elderly…I get it. We are all a little scared and uncertain of growing old but how can you expect respect when you have a wrinkled ass when you aren’t giving it now? Phone your grandparents, write them a letter, prompt them to tell you stories…and turn your music down.
  3. If you need to cry then use a tissue, not your facebook status
  4. The only time it is appropriate to have your phone on the table is if it is a business lunch. Stop taking photos, stop talking to people who aren’t physically there, stop being a dickhead.
  5. You’re not stressed, you’re just hungry.
  6. You don’t actually have to like the person in order to have great sex but it does help if you actually want to be left feeling satisfied
  7. Ladies…you can love your man and still be a feminist. Please get a mother fucking clue, I beg you.
  8. Yo! Everyone fucks up. Everyone. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, go have a wank. Love thyself.
  9. You gotta unlearn as much as you learn. Clear the clutter! It’s weighing your ass down.
  10. Really? We’re still doing themed weddings? Whats next? Glass bricks in your shower and bootleg jeans?
  11. It’s ok not to be an animal person but it ain’t cool to be cruel though. I ain’t no dog whisperer but I know not to blow in their fucking faces.
  12. Originality is always obvious…there is no need to shout about it.

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