Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 19

 

JUST TO TOUCH ON AN EARLIER POST

 

The following should also be avoided being used as lube: olive oil, Vaseline, lube that is made to ‘tingle’ (some sadistic bastard made this), hand cream or any other kind of moisturiser, baby oil, flavoured lube (seriously, what are they playing at here?) – stick to KY – or any other brand that has no bells and whistles. Or anything you would use to make dinner afterwards.

 

DO NOT JUST ACCEPT THAT YOUR GUMS BLEED EVERY TIME YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH

 

Can you say ‘gingivitis’? Well try, because that’s what you have. Buy a mouth wash that specifically targets gum disease, same with toothpaste. Floss those fuckers too…yes it’s a pain in the ass, but bleeding gums are not chic. And don’t give me the ‘mouthwash can cause mouth cancer’ bullshit. Just stop your gums from bleeding OK?

 

USE YOUPORN.COM SPARINGLY

 

I’m all for porn in fact, I love the stuff. Thing is though, it can make you a little jaded and you may lose touch on reality. For example; after watching it for hours the ‘amateur gang bang’ may become like watching a Disney movie, so you may find yourself typing in ‘drunk girl abused on train’ into the search engine to get your fix. I’m just saying it’s a possibility.

 

EVERYONE SHOULD OWN A PAIR OF HIGH TOP CONVERSE

 

And they should be black. I don’t mean leave out the other colours, I’m just saying you should have a black pair. It’s a classic and is in the same family as blue jeans, RayBan’s and white tshirts.

 

‘PLAYBOY’, DRAGONS, ‘SKIN’ AND OTHER SUCH TACKY STICKERS BELONG ON TEENAGERS PENCIL CASES

 

Not on your car. The odd bumper sticker is alright I suppose. And if you are one of the lucky ones to have an Obnoxious Owl sticker…well…that goes without saying.

peace out x

6 Comments on Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 19

  1. There are stickers?!

    Man. I want some of that.

  2. ummm hooters – stickers? i want one toooooo xx

  3. uh oh i have a sailor moon sticker! Does that count?

  4. We'll let you off Raptor

  5. Haha funny and how true.

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