Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 20

DON’T EAT THAT WHOLE BLOCK OF CHOCOLATE

Just don’t do it. You will hate yourself afterwards. You know you will. Minute on the lips, lifetime on the hips.

DON’T BE MEAN TO BOYS AND THEN GET UPSET WHEN THEY RETALIATE

Guys get a bad rep for being douche bags, but there a lot of young ladies out there who treat the good guys like toilet paper. Usually, behind every ‘bad dude’ lies a broken heart. But don’t completely let your guard down, because there are also many that ARE just wankers.

EMPTY YOUR BIN BEFORE IT STARTS TO SMELL

Don’t be a filthy slag.

‘ANIMAL’ BY MIIKE SNOW WILL ALWAYS CHEER YOU UP

Song of joy.

 

FAKE TAN THOSE LEGS

Brown legs are the sexiest things in summer. St Tropez is the best brand – hands down. Be sure to exfoliate first and so what if they aren’t skinny? Had a look at Beyonce lately? It’s all about the junk schweetie.

 

CALL YOUR MUM RIGHT NOW AND TELL HER YOU LOVE HER

She’ll bloody love it, and one day, you’ll be glad you did.

 

ONCE A MONTH, PICK AN OLD FRIEND TO EMAIL

It’s kinda theraputic to tell them what you’ve been up to. It will also cheer you up to realise how much you have been doing with your life…or depressing if you have been sitting on your ass being a beige loser. Come now, put the chocolate down, fake tan your legs, put on Miike Snow and plan an outing this weekend. Then next week, email that mate and tell her/him all about it.

7 Comments on Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 20

  1. sofie sticker // 2009-11-30 at 11:20 PM // Reply

    you so would be my friend if you lived over here. :-)
    xx

  2. I'll be your friend from over here instead flower x

  3. sofie sticker // 2009-11-30 at 11:52 PM // Reply

    and it's working wonderfully so far 😡

  4. love you, too x

  5. No chocolate…

    INSTEAD! Instead, we could go on incredibly boring protein-and-vegetables-only diet!

    And become INCREDIBLY skinny, and be picked up by thousands of Drop-Dead-Fredly beautiful beach boys with delicious brown hairs.

    Fake tan = besties from separate testies. Even if the unfortunate wearer occasionally turns an odd orange hue…

    BUTIDON'TCARE!

    I DO love your blog, by the way, Ma Cherie!

  6. Oh my goodness that is hilar…

  7. Anonymous // 2010-01-02 at 12:30 AM // Reply

    I'm sorry but fake tan never looks good. Ever.

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