TRY AND GIVE TO SOME SORT OF CHARITY – However small. But research your charities because there alot of sharks out there. You may think your $$$ are going to an Ethiopian orphan named Ben but it may be going to line the pockets of some fuck wit with no soul.
IF YOU ARE GOING FOR THE ROCKABILLY, 1950 PIN UP LOOK, THEN DON’T SKIMP ON THE GROOMING – The 50’s were all about grooming. Yeah so you have a sleeve tattoo, wear a red bandanna and smear red lippie across your face – but your greasy hair, crumpled clothes and ill fitting underwear make you look more tramp than vamp.
GO EASY ON LEARNER DRIVERS – If there ever was a ‘FML’ situation, it’s being a learner driver. Seriously. Give them a break. Yeah, they really want to piss you off when they are petrified at an intersection and aren’t sure whether to go or not, so by hooting at them and getting all road rage about it, is exactly the kind of reaction they love. You were there too once.
RED BULL IS NOT BREAKFAST – Don’t do it to yourself.
JUST BECAUSE YOUR BOYFRIEND DOESN’T TELL ALL GIRLS WHO COME ON TO HIM TO ‘FUCK OFF’ DOES NOT MEAN HE WILL CHEAT ON YOU – It just means he is a nice guy. Talking to them politely and having a chat is fine! Swopping digits and putting his hand up her skirt is not. You know deep down if he is a douche bag, so get rid of him if you know he is. Otherwise, don’t stand next to him like a bloody bodyguard.
ANYTHING ON THE MENU THAT HAS CREAM IN IT OR IS DESCRIBED AS ‘CREAMY’ WILL MAKE YOU A LARD ASS – A minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.
psssst….Obnoxious Owl party on the 27th Feb…pencil it in xx