THE CORRECT PRONUNCIATION OF ‘CROISSANT’– This is a tricky one. Because if you pronounce it as it’s spelt when you’re in Europe, you seem like an uneducated pleb. Pronounce it correctly here in Aus and you sound kinda wanky. I think it’s a French word and should be pronounced as such…if you know how. ’cause if you KNOW how to say it, you should, but if others don’t and you correct them, you sound like a wanker. Do I make the sense?
JUST BECAUSE A GIRL HAS A PIXIE HAIRCUT ALA TEAGAN AND SARA, DOES NOT MEAN SHE IS A LEZZA – It just means she looks like one.
DO NOT SQUEEZE YOUR SPOTS WITH DIRTY HANDS – Geez louise. It’s your fucking face dude! Go easy on it! I asked my friend over the weekend what she would rather have, a pretty face or a banging bod? Without hesitation she said, ‘A pretty face for sure! What would you rather wake up to?!’ – nuff said.
IF YOU ARE FEELING LIKE SHIT AND LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND SEE A MONSTER STARING BACK, TAKE A WALK OUTSIDE… – And have a look around you. Yup. There are millions who are way uglier than you are. Take strength in that.
THERE IS NO SHAME IN EATING HUMMUS AND CRACKERS FOR DINNER – Throw in a glass of red and you are positively chic.
IF YOU MUST STARE, THEN HAVE THE DECENCY TO LOOK AWAY WHEN THEY CATCH YOU – Unless it’s a boy and he is hot…just give a coy smile and THEN look away. But for the love of God, don’t just keep on dead pan staring you fucking weirdo. Also, if you are sitting in your friends room while she gets dressed, read a magazine or something, just don’t bloody stare like a freakazoid. Same goes for watching people eat. Talk about social retardation.
ALL YOUR FRIENDS AT SOME POINT HAVE SAID SOMETHING UNFLATTERING ABOUT YOU – Don’t ask me how I know, I just do.
God, we’re all slightly fucked up innit? Where do you think I get my material from?! xx