BREAK UPS ARE PRIVATE
So if you are going through one, confide in close friends and when other people ask just give them the facts in order to minimize the gossip festival.
IF HE DOESN’T ASK FOR YOUR NUMBER, IT MEANS HE DOESN’T WANT IT
Even if you chatted all night, and you got on like a house on fire, and he bought you 5 gin and tonics and laughed at all your jokes…if he says goodbye by kissing you on the cheek and doesn’t ask for you digits, it’s because he ain’t wanting to call ya honey. And if he did actually want them but was too shy to ask, that means he is a pussy and you wouldn’t want him to be having it anyway.
GET SOME SLEEP
But don’t do the whole 8 hour on the reg thing all the time before you are like 40. Haphazard sleep patterns make you more resilient to jet lag for one thing, and it also stops you from being old or worse, boring.
GUYS HATE HEARING ABOUT OUR PERIOD
So if you don’t wanna fuck him, go right ahead and tell him about your favorite tampons.
SPEAKING OF TAMPONS
Why the fuck don’t you use the ones with an applicator? Eek! Now you know I’m no prude, but I don’t know why you would choose using your finger over a nice clean, sterile piece of biodegradable cardboard?
LOOK FLY AT ALL TIMES
I don’t care what you are doing. Stop saving threads and shoes for special occasions. Every day is a fucking special occasion. Rock that shit.
WHY IS EVERYBODY MOSHING TO DUBSTEP?
Fuck off with your hardcore temper tantrum style of dancing, this is raw sexy bass. You gots ta get down and feel it. Not look like a kid in a supermarket after he gets told he can’t have a kinder surprise.
REMEMBER: ALWAYS CHOOSE SHORT AND THICK OVER SLIM AND LONG
Unless it’s cigarettes. Those look well elegant.
I just found a dinosaur in my Kinder Surprise!