Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 69



STOP BEING SO DAMN AVAILABLE ALL THE TIME

Be offline sometimes.  Then when you are online, people get excited.  Have you ever noticed how you will just start chatting to someone who is online whom you never see online so you just have to grab the opportunity, mean time you actually have nothing to say?  Be the person people get excited about when they catch you online.

 

HAVE YOUR MONEY READY

The amount of fucktards that get their little coin purse out only when they step on the bus is insane.  Then sometimes, they go and drop the fucking thing and giggle, before making some awkward joke.  Just have your bloody change ready!!  WHY does it only occur to you that you actually have to pay once you get to the point of payment?  People like this shouldn’t be allowed to breed.

 

DON’T SAY ‘I LOVE YOU’ FIRST TO A BOY

He will then have you by the proverbial fem nuts.  If he loves you too…he will say it eventually.  If he doesn’t?  It’s a bummer, but at least you never told him!  Every cloud…

 

IF YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN, A SPIDER WILL TOTALLY CLIMB INSIDE, WALK DOWN YOUR THROAT, LAY EGGS, AND BABY SPIDERS WILL CRAWL OUT YOUR ASS

Don’t say that I didn’t warn you.

 

IT’S PRETTY CUNTY TO FLIRT WITH SOMEONE WHO YOU KNOW YOUR FRIEND IS CRUSHING ON

Yeah that’s right…cunty.

 

THE DAY YOU LEAVE YOUR HOUSE WITHOUT MAKE UP, IS THE DAY YOU WILL MEET YOUR JAY Z

We are all Beyonce’s and we deserve a Jay Z.  Someone who is strong and independent and who allows us to be strong and independent.  You are together but you are apart and you compliment each other in such a way that does not need explaining.  Moral of the story?  If ya single, you can’t afford leaving the house looking average.

 

4 Comments on Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 69

  1. THANK YOU for point no. 6! there is a fucking epidemic of that shit in sydney of late! OVER IT!

  2. Adeline: you too petal
    Gracie: Lets kill them

  3. I guess this means I've eaten a fuckload of arachnids over the years…

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