Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 70



QUIT TRYIN TO PLEASE EVERYBODY AND JUST FOCUS ON YOURSELF 

Then you will stop feeling so unappreciated.

 

*EURGH* MUSICAL ‘KNOW IT ALLS’ JUST SHUT THE HELL UP 

Yes it’s all very clever how you know the exact date of the release of some band’s 3rd album, and who they sampled, and how they are all influenced by Nick Cave or whatever…we can read the music blogs too buddy.  Notice how these music fancy pants always try to name the line up for a festival before it’s released and they are 95% of the time wrong?  God is bored of you.

 

GIRLS, SOMETIMES IT IS KIND TO GAG 

Like if he spent a fair bit on dinner, and he is a good kisser and  calls when he says he will and is the right combo of sensitive and manly…..but he is a little, um…shall we say…not given his fair share in the trouser snake department?  You should totally make gagging noises during the blowjob.   It’s just a kind thing to do. He deserves it.

 

DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?  DO YOU WHINE AT HIM ALL THE TIME?  DO YOU FIGHT WITH HIM DURING PARTIES AND CALL HIM INCESSANTLY WHEN HE IS WITH HIS FRIENDS? 

All his mates probs hate you and secretly (and sometimes not so secretly) wish that he would just fuck you off.  If you have to whine, it’s not worth the time.  Just stop it.

 

LOSE THE BELLY BUTTON RING 

It used to be cute…like in 1997.  Now it just joined the eye brow ring in the tacky department.

 

STOP LEAVING THE HOUSE WITH WET HAIR 

Yuck. It really isn’t a good look honey. Plus you will catch cold.

 

WHAT’S WITH THE PUTTING ON DISGUSTING TRAINERS WITH YOUR WORK ATTIRE AT THE END OF THE DAY? 

I hate this with a passion.  I understand that heels can be bastards to the feet, but SURELY there are more appropriate shoes that are comfortable to walk to the train in after work?  And if you must wear those nasty ass trainers, at least compensate with a more appropriate outfit like a tracksuit or some shit.  God girl, I’m only saying it because I care but you look real ‘pedestrian’.

 

CARRY A TAMPON WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES 

Otherwise shit gets real when you didn’t know shit was coming….mmmm girl, you know what I’m talkin about.

Results may vary x

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