DO NOT PLUCK YOUR EYEBROWS, CUT YOUR TOE NAILS OR BUY TAMPONS IN FRONT OF HIM
Are you actually trying to ruin your life? What the flaming frank are you trying to do here? In boy land we are all mystical creatures, and they really do hope that we never do anything disgusting. Some of you might be reading this and thinking ‘Yes but we’ve been together for ages and I feel comfortable doing that stuff in front of him’ – hmm, I just think you no longer care what he thinks. Pull up your socks or you could be heading for ‘Rut City’.
NOT EVERY BODY’S STATUS UPDATE ON FACEBOOK IS ABOUT YOU
Get over yourself. It is the height of passive aggressive behaviour to drop subtle hints on a social network that you have beef with someone anyway.
TRY TO LOVE YOUR BODY
Buy a body lotion that smells nice. Shave your legs and do one of those face mask thingo’s (not in front of him for God’s sake). Eat your greens and take the stairs. Chill on the booze once in a while and wash your hair.
WHEN YOU ARE OUT TO DINNER WITH SOMEONE, PUT YOUR DAMN PHONE AWAY
I’m not going to say much on the subject other than it is fucking rude to sit text messaging someone while the poor soul just chews their food politely waiting for you to finish your boring, mundane text conversation. They will never tell you that they think you are being socially retarded. They will just say, ‘Oh, it’s fine’ if you say, ‘Sorry about this, just got to reply quick’. (I on the other hand WOULD tell you, but I can be obnoxious like that). Just take a turn onto ‘Manners Street’ please.
LEAVE OTHER WOMAN’S BOYFRIENDS / CRUSHES / HUSBANDS ALONE
Because failure to do so, makes you a bit of a c*nt. Yeah…a c*nt.
IF THE ONE PERSON YOU DON’T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH HAPPENS TO BE YOUR BOYFRIEND THEN THERE IS A PROBLEM
Come now darling, stop kidding yourself. The only thing that differentiates our boyfriend from the boys that are our friends is that you have sex with your boyfriend.
LEARN TO ACCESSORISE
They are the icing and sprinkles on the cupcake, and like cupcakes, it’s all about the decoration that makes you look so tempting. A beautiful necklace or a dope headscarf could make a $10 vintage dress look fresh. But you have to pick wisely…it’s the shoulder duster earrings OR the heavy chain neck adornment. Accessories are all about statement darling, so you can’t have too much going on. If you are going to spend a whack of dosh on your wardrobe, spend it on handbags and shoes. These 2 things will make the cheapest outfit look like a million bucks. Whilst a tacky pair of shoes can make a Marc Jacobs frock look like K-Mart.