FOR BOYS ONLY

PSYCHO LOVE by Zac Deluge

By Zac Deluge “She was a fucking psycho”. I heard you. You’ve heard it. I’ve said it and spread it. It takes one to know one. It takes one to fuck one. It takes one to get arrested in underwear on the main road of your low income [...]

2014-05-22 // 0 Comments

TAKE MY ADVICE…I DON’T USE IT ANYWAY HOMME PART 38

FOR BOYS ONLY   SAY NO TO HEAD AND SHOULDER SELFIES  With every instagram, a little self photography must come and that is just fine if you are doing an outfit capture in the mirror or if a girl asks you to flip her something but no self [...]

2013-09-02 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 37

FOR BOYS ONLY  WE DO NOT WAKE UP LOOKING LIKE THIS. I feel like you have this notion that Scarlett Johansson and Katie Perry wake up looking like they have no pores, have zero body hair and don’t indulge in the wonderment that is control [...]

2012-04-23 // 2 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 35

FOR BOYS ONLY   YOU ARE JUDGED BY YOUR SHOES. Different brogues for different hoe’s but we look at them.   TIP. Because being a tight ass won’t let you near our tight ass.   NEVER CANCEL OR POSTPONE BY TEXT MESSAGE. If [...]

2012-01-21 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 32

FOR BOYS ONLY   THE SEXIEST THING IN A MAN IS HUMILTY WITH A PINCH OF ARROGANCE.  Words are whispers and actions are sirens.   It’s why Beyonce is having Jay’s baby and not Kanye’s.   LOVE THE ONE YOU’RE WITH. I [...]

2011-09-27 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 31

FOR BOYS ONLY ALWAYS ASK It’s not OK to try and go for the er…other hole without asking first .  Neither is it OK to say you won’t cum in her mouth and then you do.   Don’t be such a sadistic bastard.  Half the thrill is [...]

2011-08-29 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 30

FOR BOYS ONLY AS THE PHILOSOPHER JANET JACKSON ONCE SAID, ‘YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU GOT TILL IT’S GONE’ In a relationship? You love her? She can cook, great in bed, holds your head when you’re sad and laughs at all your [...]

2011-07-11 // 0 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 29

FOR BOYS ONLY PLEASE! RATHER JUST SAY NOTHING INSTEAD OF ‘TAKE CARE’  This goes hand in hand with calling us ‘mate’.  It’s kind of the same feeling when you are into a girl and she tells you that you are like a [...]

2011-06-09 // 3 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 28

FOR BOYS ONLY WE ARE MORE MANIPULATIVE THAN YOU CAN EVER BEGIN TO IMAGINE  It all started when your mum told you that eating all your carrots will make you see in the dark. Or when she made ‘choo choo’ noises with your food and [...]

2011-05-24 // 7 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 27

FOR BOYS ONLY FAIL PROOF STEEZE  Not enough of you wear well fitted jeans with plain CLEAN white t shirts. Too many of you are still wearing boxers with cartoons on them. Girls like you to be simple, fresh and clean.  Some girls like those dirty [...]

2011-04-02 // 3 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 26

SOME DECORUM WHEN TAKING A LEAK IN PUBLIC PLEASE! At a party a few nights ago a dude who was winning at life stumbled over, whipped his little pecker out and started to pee in a corner right next to us  – the fumes from his 90% beer urine [...]

2011-02-26 // 6 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 25

FOR BOYS ONLY WOMEN ARE STILL UP FOR CHIVALRY I’m reading your mind right now, and I’m reading that you are thinking ‘Well act like a fucking lady then’ and it’s true! But there seems to be a chicken and an egg sitch [...]

2011-01-05 // 3 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 23

FOR BOYS ONLY   CLEAN YOUR FINGERNAILS  Else there ain’t NO WAY those bad boys are getting into any of our crevices.  What if you have a bit of happy juice underneath them from when you last performed the Jedi Hand Trick and you give us [...]

2010-12-01 // 0 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 22

IF A WOMAN DEMANDS SOME KIND OF 30 THOUSAND DOLLAR ENGAGEMENT RING, IT MEANS SHE NEEDS CONFIRMATION THAT YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH HER And you probably aren’t ready to get married. I mean fuck, if you are in love then a mood ring would do…ya [...]

2010-11-04 // 0 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 21

FOR BOYS ONLY IF A GIRL TALKS ABOUT HER PERIOD OR FARTS IN FRONT OF YOU, SHE PROBS ONLY WANTS TO BE FRIENDS  This does not apply to long term relationships obvs…those people do loads of wack shit in front of each other.  No chick will do [...]

2010-10-19 // 1 Comment

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 20

FOR BOYS ONLY DON’T ASK US, JUST DO IT I’m talking about the dirty stuff here.  It’s hot if you just take matters into your own hands and own that shit.  Except for where the jizz goes…that’s up to us. Sozz. CALL HER [...]

2010-10-06 // 6 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 19

FOR BOYS ONLY   THE MOST OFF PUTTING THING YOU COULD EVER DO IS TO TAKE YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY Unlike you boys, we need more than just a pair of tits to give us a hard on.  Make us laugh and best of all, have the ability to laugh at [...]

2010-09-21 // 0 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 18

FOR BOYS ONLY ASK BEFORE YOU JIZZ Mouth/Face/Tits – it’s not for you to decide.   WE ARE DIFFERENT TO YOU Like, we can’t stay with you just because you’re pretty but you are bad in bed.  It definitely seems as though [...]

2010-09-08 // 0 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 18

FOR BOYS ONLY OWN AT LEAST ONE SUIT It needs to fit perfectly and make you look like James Bond. It needs to not be polyester.  Your mum shouldn’t have helped you buy it when you were 17 for your year 12 ball.  The sleeves should not cover [...]

2010-08-28 // 5 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 17

FOR BOYS ONLY GIRLS STILL STUFF THEIR BRAS  You know how to tell? The spillage is more that whats in the glass…ya get me? WE LOVE IT WHEN YOU SULK  It makes us wanna give you wristies tillz we get pins and needles. Not. LOSE THE MAN BAG  [...]

2010-08-18 // 2 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 16

FOR BOYS ONLY – A BIT OF A SHOUT OUT I always seem to be having bit of a go…so here’s a bit of a ‘thanks for that’ – this is for the fellas who know what they are doing….x THANK YOU FOR KNOWING THE RIGHT [...]

2010-08-11 // 8 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 15

FOR BOYS ONLY NO WE DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOUR ‘SCHLONG’ – And stop calling it ‘schlong’, what is this? 1998? You will be hard pressed to find a girl that gets off just by looking at a penis…it takes more than that [...]

2010-08-01 // 5 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 14

FOR BOYS ONLY STOP BEING A WIMP – There is a fine line between being sensitive and being a pussy. The former is attractive, the latter makes our vagina dry. IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE WITH HER ANYMORE, BREAK UP WITH HER IN A KIND, HONEST [...]

2010-07-08 // 2 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 13

FOR BOYS ONLY IF A GIRL MESSAGES AND CALLS YOU INCESSANTLY IT’S BECAUSE SHE HAS TOO MUCH TIME ON HER HANDS – Sometimes it would seem that she may be obsessed, and often it is, but it’s also out of boredom or because you said you [...]

2010-05-27 // 5 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 12

FOR BOYS ONLY YOU SHOULD BE LIKE JAY Z – And you should seek your Beyonce. Girls have game nowadays. They got money, a personality, hustling skills, imagination, most are more liberal in bed etc. Don’t be intimidated. Embrace it. Become [...]

2010-05-12 // 4 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 11

FOR BOYS ONLY ROSARY BEADS COULDN’T BE MORE OVER – Yes David Beckham kinda looked hot in them in …when was it? 2001 maybe? But now it’s just lame ESPECIALLY if you aren’t even remotely religious. It’s just my [...]

2010-04-22 // 7 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 10

FOR BOYS ONLY IF YOUR HAIR IS RECEDING, SHAVE THE BASTARD – Embrace nature and go with it. There is nothing worse than the stench of desperation from a man trying to hang on to his last 5 strands. It just means you have more testosterone [...]

2010-03-15 // 3 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 9

FOR BOYS ONLY ALWAYS BEING BROKE IS NOT SEXY – Constantly having to spot you change for cigarettes, buying round after round and giving you ‘lunch money’ gets really boring and makes us feel like your mum. No matter how large your [...]

2010-02-09 // 4 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 8

SORTING THE MEN FROM THE BOYS… BOY: Will read the ‘to do’ list. MAN: Knows what needs to be done. BOY: Whining that you don’t have a condom and claim that skin on skin is so much better. MAN: On realising that you don’t [...]

2010-01-14 // 7 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 7

FOR BOYS ONLY IF YOU LIKE A GIRL, THEN DON’T BE HOOKING UP WITH OTHER BROADS – She will find out and your chances will be ruined. RUINED. SAYING THINGS LIKE ‘SIT ON MY FACE’ OR ‘NICE TITS’ WILL NOT WORK OUT WELL [...]

2009-12-14 // 4 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 6

THE WORST THING YOU CAN SAY TO A GIRL WITH PMS … ‘WHAT’S UP? HAVE YOU GOT YOUR PERIOD OR SOMETHING?’ – It is also the worst thing you can say to a girl if she is just in a bad mood. Don’t make us want to kill you. [...]

2009-12-03 // 2 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 6

FOR BOYS ONLY WE KNOW YOU HAVE TO SPIT BUT COULD YOU AVOID DOING THOSE BACK OF THE THROAT ONES IN FRONT OF US? We aren’t sure WHY you need to spit, but those back of the throat, sinus clearing winners are the most disgusting things ever and [...]

2009-11-28 // 2 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 5

FOR BOYS ONLY CHILL OUT ON THE HOMOPHOBIA It ain’t sexy honey. What do you think these gay guys are going to do to you exactly? Hold you down and take your bum hole virginity whilst singing a Cher number into your ear all whilst wearing pink [...]

2009-11-19 // 4 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 4

FOR BOYS ONLY THERE IS NO NEED FOR YOU TO TELL US HOW HOT YOU THINK OUR FRIENDS ARE Unless you want to suck your own dick later that is.   CLEANSE AND MOISTURISE YOUR FACE It. is. not. gay. You need to do it. Do you think that baby bottom skin [...]

2009-11-05 // 9 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 3

FOR BOYS ONLY WE ACTUALLY NOTICE WHEN YOU ARE RE ARRANGING YOUR BALLS Could you stop doing that in public please? How would you like it if we went around sticking our hands down our trousers in front of you? Actually never mind, you would love that. [...]

2009-10-31 // 0 Comments

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 2

FOR BOYS ONLY DON’T BREAK UP WITH A GIRL VIA TEXT MESSAGE/TWITTER/FACEBOOK OR GETTING A FRIEND TO TELL HER Listen, I know you’d rather dangle your balls in a tank filled with flesh eating piranhas than break a girls heart to her face [...]

2009-10-22 // 0 Comments