SPECIAL EDITIONS

IT’S ALL A GAME

    It has happened to the best of us. Here you are cruising down the proverbial love highway, listening to some tunes, taking the occasional sip of coffee, sunglasses on, wind in your hair and then suddenly some asshole T bones you with [...]

2013-08-22 // 0 Comments

31 Things I’ve learnt since 1981

You will never be able to make somebody love you, but you can make them hate you. Photographs of yourself always look better 5 years later. Broken hearts mend eventually.  It’s the inner peace that tends to stay unsettled. The place you will [...]

2012-07-26 // 2 Comments

Choose your friends like you do your cheese. Wisely.

You never feel self concious around them. This stems from not being afraid of being judged…because let’s be honest, we all fear being judged. Even when people go, ‘I don’t give a fuck, I do what I want’ – they [...]

2012-05-06 // 2 Comments

BEAUTY CUPBOARD – Part 9

  Guys. I’m annoyed with myself .  Wanna know why?  Because I have only decided now to get my hands on YSL TOUCHE ECLAT.  I don’t know what the Hell I was thinking fucking with anything else.  It’s like a cult under eye [...]

2012-03-25 // 3 Comments

How to make friends and get under the influence with people

YOU DON’T KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING.  People bond with each other by sharing something new and interesting and then shutting up and learning.  Give and take.  Push and Pull.  Sometimes, like maybe, if you want, start a sentence [...]

2012-03-22 // 1 Comment

Things that will make you a little happier. I swear.

  EXERCISE. I thought everyone was talking shit. Turns out they weren’t.  There is not enough time to over think and feed paranoia when you are going ham on the cross trainer.  I recommend joining a gym, they actually aren’t THAT [...]

2012-03-15 // 3 Comments

Beauty Cupboard – Part 8

Here we have it folks, the new things I love to use and then convince myself that they were worth every penny via the medium of the interwebz.     BARRY M  is no secret to our UK buddies who can cop this fantastic brand all over the [...]

2012-02-10 // 0 Comments

LET’S GET ORGANISED!

It’s the 2nd month of 2012 and I feel only now are we able to implement our resolutions for real because lez be honest, we have still all been drunk as fuck up until now and I had 4 Tim Tam’s today and I’m necking on red wine as we [...]

2012-02-01 // 0 Comments

Great ways to make people want to punch you with a brick

FUCK THEIR BOYFRIEND / GIRLFRIEND / EX / PERSON THEY HAVE HAD A MAD CRUSH ON FOR AGES AND YOU KNEW ABOUT IT ETC ETC Do not underestimate jealousy and the monster effect it can have on people.  Dudes beat up women over it. Girls pretend they are [...]

2011-04-14 // 5 Comments

Owls SEX alphabet: X Y Z

X – is for XXX. Triple X. Adult films. PORN.  Remember when people use to call them ‘blue movies’? WHY? Can someone share some light on this please? Anyway. We have come a long way in regards to this issue. Gone are the days where [...]

2011-03-12 // 4 Comments

Owls SEX alphabet: S – W

S – is for SEX. Sozz. Nothing wack here…just plain old sex.  I have kind of dug my own hole regarding this blog, because now I have created this online persona of being some kind of sex expert. I most certainly am not. I just know what [...]

2011-03-02 // 4 Comments

Owls SEX alphabet: M – R

M – is for MAKING OUT. Nobody makes out anymore! It’s just usually a little bit of a kiss and then BOOM! straight for the crotch. But what about kissing until you get beard rash (better known as ‘pash rash’ in this eloquent [...]

2011-02-19 // 2 Comments

Owls SEX alphabet: A – F

A – is for ANAL. Obviously. It seems more and more dudes think it’s on the menu of late.  I mean, it’s a pretty gnarly thing to take it up the Jones hey?  Like, we’re not actually meant to do that. Dudes just see a hole and [...]

2011-02-05 // 6 Comments

Tips for my teenage self

YOUR PARENTS WILL NEVER STOP PISSING YOU OFF, BUT YOU WILL BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND THEM A LITTLE BETTER  When you think about having a baby, what goes through your head?  What you’re gonna name them, how you’re gonna dress them, what kind [...]

2011-01-19 // 3 Comments

Things you can only do when you are home alone

PUT ON YOUR FAVORITE TRACK LOUDLY AND PRETEND YOU ARE PERFORMING IT I KNOW that you girls are practicing Nicki’s verse in Monster for such an activity. MASTURBATE A LOT Duh! WATCH PORN WITH THE SOUND ON See above. GO ON A ZIT SQUEEZING RAMPAGE [...]

2011-01-15 // 5 Comments

Tips for an easier life

DON’T GET INVOLVED Yeah, you might think you have all the answers and you probably do. But you can’t go around taking on every single situation that crosses your path if it doesn’t have anything to do with you.  Sometimes your [...]

2011-01-09 // 1 Comment

Fashion tips straight from the Owl’s beak

Right look.  I’m not one to dress people in pansy shit.  I have to quote one of my favorite broads MS FITZ when she say’s ‘Sorry. I don’t dress pedestrians. I dress icons’. My mum tells me I look like I get dressed in [...]

2010-12-12 // 10 Comments

JUST PRETEND IT NEVER HAPPENED

Sometimes … it’s hard to get out of bed in the mornings. The thought of just laying there and maybe taking something in order to fall into a long, blissful sleep from which you can never be woken can sometimes turn a very bleak situation [...]

2010-12-06 // 6 Comments

You think you better than me?

YOU THINK YOU BETTER THAN ME … because you got more followers on TWITTER? Look at your followers in comparison to the number of tweets you’ve tweeted you twat.  Also, the real boss is the person who has more followers in real life. [...]

2010-11-27 // 8 Comments

It’s a breakup because it’s broken

THE WHOLE EVENT IS JUST A SHOW OF FUCKERY There is no right or wrong and nothing about it is easy. It’s like cracking and separating an egg.  You crack the shell (your heart) and tip the egg whites to and fro (your relationship) and try to [...]

2010-10-14 // 7 Comments

It’s the little things that count

  Small things can create big smiles … all to be done in limitation of course…you don’t want shit getting tired, ya get me?   MAKE PANCAKES FROM SCRATCH ON A SUNDAY MORNING If you don’t have a Nigella Lawson book [...]

2010-10-09 // 2 Comments

Paranoia – we all get it

Yes we all get those irrational feelings. Sometimes they are justified, other times you are just being a weirdo.  I think it’s comforting to know that others have the same wack thoughts in order to make us feel better about our insecurities. [...]

2010-09-24 // 3 Comments

’cause I’m just a teenage dirtbag baby

The things I wish that someone told me … YOU KNOW THAT BOY YOU’RE CRYING OVER?  THE ONE YOU THINK YOU CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT? It’s all bullshit.  In ten no FIVE years from now you will either a) laugh at the fact you ever had [...]

2010-08-26 // 2 Comments

The things that will make you look like a slut

RIDICULOUSLY SHORT SKIRTS IN MID WINTER – You don’t look hot, you look cold and uncomfortable. STRETCH SATIN – Why not just wear a fishnet bodysuit and get it over with? TAKING IT IN THE BUM THE FIRST TIME YOU GET DOWN – Come [...]

2010-08-09 // 5 Comments

It’s my birthday and I’ll advise if I want to

With my pending birth nuptials tomorrow, I am feeling pretty ‘meh’ , thus causing me to write. I’m turning 29, which means it’s almost the end of my twenties which means I will soon no longer be a ‘pretend’ adult [...]

2010-07-29 // 6 Comments

Dealing with leaving the place you love

The time has come for me to say ta ta to my most favourite place in the world…Londres. Shit, I know I’m from Cape Town and it has a mountain and it’s Africa yadda yadda yadda but man, fuck that shit, I love this massive English [...]

2010-07-20 // 0 Comments

Knob End Alerts

The following are fairly good indicators of a wanker, or a group there of. As usual, take this post with the proverbial, some people just have poor judgment and are not necessarily wanky. But unfortch, these things usually mean they are. Hummer [...]

2010-05-31 // 6 Comments

What they really mean when they say…

“I’ve just been real busy” = He can’t be fucked. “I was gonna come meet you but I fell asleep” = He can’t be fucked. “I have to do something else first, but I can meet you at about midnight [...]

2010-05-11 // 6 Comments

It’s all about the Benjamin

It’s actually quite laughable I am attempting to give any advice on money. I am to money what Gary Glitter is to kids…dangerous and extreme. Seriously. Up until about 2 years ago I used to see cash as just a minor obstacle to getting [...]

2010-03-31 // 2 Comments

Single to Mingle

I’m 28 years old and give or take a few hit and misses, I have been single for 3 years. These are my views… SEX – I’m not only starting this post with this topic because I am the Owl – (we use caps for the Owl now [...]

2010-03-08 // 3 Comments

OUT WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE DILDO

We’re on the brink of another new year. I realise that it’s a cliche, but I love new beginnings. Like starting diets on Mondays, or having a month off from shagging randoms etc…it definitely helps the process of attempting to be [...]

2009-12-28 // 5 Comments

THE DEFINITION OF ‘BEIGE’

Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin – Seriously now. Could you get more fucking boring? Then there is all that macro biotic shit and naming your kids after fruit and veg…so yes, I guess you could get more boring. Having specific nights to [...]

2009-12-17 // 21 Comments

A FEW HOME TRUTHS

SOMETIMES, YOU MIGHT MEET YOUR GREATEST FRIENDS LATER ON IN LIFE – I have met the best friend I have ever had at the age of 28. He is male and he is only 21. Hollywood and the norm tells us that your greatest friends are usually your friends [...]

2009-12-10 // 6 Comments

THOSE DAYS

SOMETIMES WE QUESTION OUR EXISTENCE – Would anyone notice if we weren’t around? Would we have to worry about work, whether our family is happy or not, whether we get on our friends nerves or not, are we thin enough, are we doing anything [...]

2009-12-02 // 7 Comments

THE ONE NIGHT STAND

  KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GETTING YOURSELF IN FOR Do you think you might like the guy? Are you able to do this and not feel the need to compulsively message and facebook stalk him afterwards? Are you sure you are doing it because you are really horny [...]

2009-11-24 // 8 Comments

THE ART OF BEING DECADENT

  SOMETIMES IT IS PERFECTLY FINE TO DRINK AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF WINE ON YOUR OWN It’s when it turns into a case of wine every single week that it becomes a problem. There is something quite wonderful about indulging in an entire bottle of [...]

2009-11-06 // 11 Comments