Life. It’s as much hard work as it is carefree which makes some days better than others. But you know those days where you have that feeling in your waters best described as an ‘impending sense of doom’ and you can’t put your finger on as to why everyone is just pissing you right off and how you were laughing at their jokes yesterday but today you could easily poke them in the eye with the back of a pencil? It’s like suddenly everything is going wrong and you feel like shit and why does everything have to be so haaarrddddd. Wha wha whaaaaaaaa!
Suck it up princess. And that goes for the boys as well. Look, not everything can always go to plan. There will always be traffic jams, broken glass and broken hearts, Woolies being sold out of bagels, haters with their little hater views and opinions, bosses who seem like they were employed purely to make your life a misery etcetera. But what you gonna do? Wait till things get better? Good luck with that, sunshine. Life is life and will continue to churn whether you are a willing participant or not.
Here are some handy, fool proof tips for you to consider when you feel like your step ain’t got none of that bounce…
STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT THE FUCKING WEATHER
I know it’s a good ice breaker so by all means comment on it, sure! But why you gotta be taking actual time out to update your social-retard media about how much you abhor the rain/wind/heat/? It’s not like there is a damn hurricane or tsunami tapping on your window instead of that nourishing, abundant rain that means no harm other than to quench our rivers and wild life. The number one cause of stress is when we try to control the uncontrollable. So unless you are tight with MN then may I suggest you just surrender to whatever the situation is outside and find the silver lining?
LAUGH IT OFF
It’s best to look at the little pitfalls in life as a little game. Like when Mario gets busted by those weird turtle things you just start over, right? Or do you slam the control down and throw the baby out with the bath water? Pick up the baby and THEN dispense of the bathwater. You trip and fall and you rise and shine. The tides go in and they go out. Go with the flow and get back on the mushroom and get your Princess Peach.
DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT
It can be as simple as changing your hair or moving your furniture around which can be quite remarkably effective in bringing in new energy. OR it can be something massive like quitting your job, going to study or moving to a new city. Mix it! Shake it out! Move it all about! We’re in control of this bitch and don’t you forget it.
DON’T SELF MEDICATE
I know it’s tempting as all hell but try not to. Anaesthetic wears off and pain comes back and all you can do is keep on keeping on with your numbing agent of choice which, I admit, is fun but only for a while. The problem with this method is that it doesn’t treat your emotions like a buffet, it just simply puts a blanket over everything including the positive, productive emotions and you’re just left being a big fat apathetic shadow of a human who has lost touch with the happenings of your surroundings and intolerant when you haven’t had your fix. Remember, you can be IN the world and not OF it but you gotta have your wits about you to walk the line.
NOURISH YOURSELF INSTEAD
I’m not gonna bore you with the ‘eat right, read a book, go for a walk, surround yourself with positive people’ jargon that you can find anywhere on the www and yes, all those things are wonderful. Simplicity is key for a drama free life! But what I do want to tell you is that you should allow your fears and anxiety. I know it doesn’t feel like nourishment but believe me, those fucking demons aren’t going anywhere until you stick up for yourself. When you feel the onslaught of an emotional melt down, take yourself somewhere private and face it. Don’t drink, don’t fuck a random, don’t reach for the bong, the cake or whatever vice tickles your fancy. Just stare it in the face and breathe deeply and soon the knot in your chest will soften. If you are able to catch the bastard often enough before you react you will eventually find that these attacks will become less frequent. Anxiety and depression are bullies and bullies can’t stand in the light of confrontation.
Or if you’re lucky enough to have a majestic lover then get your grind on. Lose yourself in it and enjoy your body. Feel the rush of joy bubble up inside you and do the things that make your toes curl. Don’t pay for it, don’t go on tinder and meet someone in 20 minutes, don’t wank over your ex. It’s either a solo situation or with someone you at least LIKE or respect, thus leading you to like and respect yourself. But srsly, go nuts and reach for the lazers.
GET AMONGST NATURE
Whether it’s the sea, the mountains or a forest…look at it. Feel it. Be with it. Be naked if you can! Cuddle an animal even! (Try not to be naked for that). If you are a city dweller then maybe get into pot plants and fill your home with their good vibrations. Or find a tree on the sidewalk and stand next to it for a bit or whatever. Feel the oneness of all that is living and how we are so intricately yet simply a part of it. Get to know it, look after it and stop taking it for granted.
COUNT YOUR #BLESSINGS
If you can’t be fucked I’ll give you at least five … 1) You have somewhere to sleep tonight. 2) You know where your next meal is going to come from. 3) You’re alive. 4) Look at how you got through all the other shit storms. 5) You are reading this post which means you have the internet or at least live in a place where free wifi is available. Ok, now you list 5 more…