Yo Miss Owl. Ima tell you a little story inspired by your constant reminders of the importance of cranberry absorption post coitus. You like to share, and I need to vent.
I’ve been on the cranberry for, like, ever now. I’m pretty sure I should just give up and buy shares in Ocean Spray already. Post fun-times I’ve got a glass of cranberry lined up and lo, all my problems are gone. The stinging, burning ones anyway. One night recently, after a bit of ‘fun’ on the living room floor, I realised that I DID NOT HAVE ANY CRANBERRY JUICE IN THE HOUSE. It was late, nothing was open, so I was forced to go without, and hope that everything would be OK until I picked up a fresh bottle the following day. Not so. Get your Visa Debit cards ready, because the weekend starts getting fun.
After I realise it’s pretty freaking hurty down there and you want to be angry at someone but it’s probably your own fault, I drive to an after-hours GP clinic because nothing else is open on a Sunday afternoon. Cue waiting around for a few hours because there’s one doctor and a whole lot of crying babies before you. After painfully depositing my biz into a little cup, have a 2 minute appointment that cost $66, I drive to the chemist and drop $35 on antibiotics and a big box of Ural. You’d think that $101 on a urinary tract infection was enough fun, but wait!
Several days into the course of antibiotics, things are starting to feel a little irritated in other areas of my undies. Uh oh! Thrush a-coming! This tends to happen to awesome people like me, who can’t handle the inner-raping the antibiotics give their body so they can’t maintain good nether-regions health. Cue a trip to the chemist AGAIN for a $25 bottle of Inner Health Plus, because despite their annoying TV commercials with squeaky-voiced blue things, their product is good at counteracting the negative effects of antibiotics.
So there you go. $126 spent because I forgot to buy a $4 bottle of cranberry juice. I’m a more devout cranberrier than ever before.
ANYONE ELSE GOT A BIT OF ADVICE THEY WANT POSTED? HIT ME UP! EMAIL ADDRESS AT THE TOP OF THE PAGE, OWL X