JUST PRETEND IT NEVER HAPPENED


Sometimes …

it’s hard to get out of bed in the mornings. The thought of just laying there and maybe taking something in order to fall into a long, blissful sleep from which you can never be woken can sometimes turn a very bleak situation into a euphoric one. But then common sense kicks in and you get up and get on with your day, forgetting that the thought ever entered your mind.

 

Sometimes ...

you are filled with so much rage that you could easily put your fist through the face of someone you love the most in the world.  The tiny moment you imagine it you find contentment. But then it passes, and you can sit in front of the telly with the same person watching Two and a Half Men whilst eating lasagna and you would cause bodily harm if anyone were to ever hurt a hair on their head.

 

Sometimes …

you find yourself imagining what it would be like to sleep with someone completely out of bounds. Someone who is forbidden, who you could never even think of even allowing the thought to cross your mind.  You want it ’cause you can’t have it. You want it because for about 5 minutes you will feel satisfied that they risked everything for 20 minutes with you. A person’s self esteem is the steering wheel to their every action.

Sometimes ...

it’s easier to consider throwing in the towel.  Quitting your job.  Breaking up with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Moving house, city or country. Deleting people from Facebook therefore your mind. Avoiding the places where you will run into the regulars and the people you seem to see all the time.  But then you worry about being left behind or about missing out. The ‘what if’s versus the ‘whatever’s’ – this is probably the time you consider seeing a fortune teller…or getting a new haircut.

Sometimes ...

we convince ourselves that life would be better if we were thinner, richer, had bigger boobs, a bigger dick, nicer clothes, were friends with certain people, lived somewhere else etc etc etc  We know it’s the insecurity that holds us back, makes us unhappy and stops us from being where we want to be. Yet we can’t give it up.  It’s like our security blanket or the thing we hide behind.  The thing we blame for all the other things that are going wrong in our lives.  If you take away our insecurity, then the only thing left to blame for the fuck ups is ourselves.  How terrifying.

Sometimes …

 

we wish we could just have that time back.  Where we would have said or not said those things. Wouldn’t have made those decisions and taken different path’s.  The fear that somehow we didn’t notice the fork in the road and accidently took the wrong turn without realizing is both frightening and frustrating. It’s so unfair! Can’t we have another go?

Sometimes …

it’s irritating that we should be grateful when all we want to be is angry.  Being angry feels good.  Being angry makes things easier.  Sure, it makes life a little difficult for those who have to be around us when we are angry but that makes us feel powerful…like we are in control of the situation.  But then that feeling of an angry high turns swiftly into a guilty low.  Then we have our friend paranoia.  The most useless feeling of all…or is it just being conscientious? We don’t even know anymore.

Sometimes …

it’s the jealousy that drives us.  We’re jealous of a friend so we try our best to be better than them or to take them down.  Jealous of our siblings so we try better at work or do nicer things for our parents.  Jealous of our peers so we try to be funnier, kinder, more generous and generally more amazing.  They say the quest for happiness is what motivates us, but could it really be the quest to be better than everyone else?

Sometimes ...

it’s hard to say what’s in our head. Because once we say it out loud, it becomes real.  As long as it stays churning in our mind it’s still just a thought, a foetus of an idea.  Sometimes it’s better that way.

6 Comments on JUST PRETEND IT NEVER HAPPENED

  1. Anonymous // 2010-12-07 at 2:40 AM // Reply

    Jealousy driving you?? that's horrible..
    no one is the best, there is no such thing. apart from that there is alwaayyyss someone 'BETTER' than you.
    fuck. that. game. hell highschool shit.

  2. oh u so wise owl. me love you.

  3. Always open to interpretation. Big love guys x

  4. this is amazing, you are amazing!

  5. Thank you, means a whole bunch x

  6. Thank you, means a whole bunch x

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