O.W.L’s Armchair Trend Predictions


A NEW POWER ANIMAL IS ON THE HORIZON.

I’m not gonna be one of those irritating bitches that say, ‘I liked Owls for aaaages way before anyone else did’ blah blah blah. Truth is I actually don’t even dig Owls that much. Most are tacky on a necklace etc. Thing is, when I was little I really hated my big ass round eyes. I yearned for the almond shaped blue peepers of the prettiest girl in my class.  So my Nan used to tell me I looked like a little Owl and that I was beautiful. (aawww) so yeah, that’s the Owl story. Plus ‘ol blue eyes now has 3 kids, been divorced twice and she ate all the pies. But I digress….Owls are on their way out. As are other woodland creatures.  I think the hipsters are about to get on the dinosaur bandwagon OR it’s all about the African steeze like lions and zebra’s and stuff. But remember, you can’t claim shit. Animals are there for the taking because they are on this earth for EVERYONE.  So don’t be all like, ‘I used to collect hippo’s in the form of jewellery and prints etc and now EVERYONE is doing’ say that to the fucking African jungle dipshit. We are all entitled to commercialise and make useless crap inspired by our 4 legged friends.  I just wish someone would decide to start making a less glamorous animal cool. Like a pig or an antelope or maybe even a taking the native fauna of Australia away from the bogans and turning the kangaroo into something hipster worthy? I dunno hey, I just think we should think out of the box on this one.

 

AH OH…I THINK THE VANS OBSESSION IS DWINDLING.

I am about as surprised that I am starting to see more and more Chucks around the traps as I am that JLo just got divorced.  Authentics are dope, don’t get me wrong but FUCK these iconic foot coverings have been gang raped to within an inch of their lives. Thanks a lot Dog Town! So those who feel as though their parade has well and truly been pissed on by the masses are now turning to Converse. Give it time before you discover your old faithful Chucks are 20 bucks more expensive and your 17 year old sibling is asking Santa for a pair next Christmas.

 

‘TACKY’ IS NOW ‘TRENDY’.

Everyone is gradually trying to out do one another in the tack game. If I had a dollar for everyone that has typed ’90’s trends’ into Google hey.  There is a whole lot of ‘Remember this?!’ going on. No you don’t fucking remember because you were like 3 or something.  I know this sounds a bit bitchy. God, my mum must think the same thing when I became obsessed with Madonna’s Immaculate Collection. And I suppose young ‘uns becoming obsessed with an era they didn’t have much to do with keeps it alive and what not. I get it. Ignore me, I’m just turning 30 in a few weeks and I’m feeling sensitive.

 

BACK TO BASICS.

You know like when you’ve had loads of really rich food?  Like after Chrissy when you have pigged out on a bunch of selection boxes, trifle, every kind of roasted animal you can imagine and your weight in booze? You know how after all this you just want a cheese sandwich and a cup of tea? Or the more ambitious join a gym in January and stock their fridge with mineral water and carrots?  THAT my Owlies, is because over indulging  inevitably leads to simplicity. I predict that after all this fuss with Minaj inspired multi coloured hair, narcissistic and self indulgent tumblrs and over kill on information via the interwebs is only going to breed the desire to strip things right back and get back to basics. Over use always leads to under use. Belee dat.


CLEAN SKIN.

Ye old art form of tattoo’s will become less enviable than having none at all.  There are legit kids under the age of 20 walking around looking not too dis similar to their colouring books from only 5 years ago. What. The. Fuck. You will hate them one day. I swear you will. I’m not even hating! I am all about accepting other folks style and choices and not judging one’s style choices because it would be boring if we all looked the same etc etc but fuck kids, chill out on the colour needle yeah? Some things are sure in life: taxes, death, heart break and you growing up and being a very different person when you are 28 from when you were 18. Anyway, my point is, is that we all strive to be different hence going under the needle in the first place. But I really think that NOT having is on the verge of becoming way ‘out there’ than having any at all. Ya kna?

 

CHICKS IN KICKS.

Yeah yeah, it’s nothing new. Just remember, as a friend of mine once said: Owning 100 pairs of air max does not make you a ‘sneakerhead’. It makes you a consumer.

I’m putting the kettle on, who wants in?

4 Comments on O.W.L’s Armchair Trend Predictions

  1. Agree on everything. And I reckon in the top-tier trend setting circles these practises are well and truly taking place. Very good old friend x

  2. You're fricking brilliant.

  3. I'm so down with the skin thing. I didn't get my first tattoo til I was 20 and while I have a fair few now, I got to my late 20s and realised there were more important things to spend hundreds/thousands of dollars on and slowed right down. I can get tattoos for years to come, and they will all reflect different stages of my life. Kids who get covered up before their 25 are fucking idiots and deserve the regret they'll face when they turn 30.

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