It’s the 2nd month of 2012 and I feel only now are we able to implement our resolutions for real because lez be honest, we have still all been drunk as fuck up until now and I had 4 Tim Tam’s today and I’m necking on red wine as we digitally speak. SO THIS MONTH I THINK WE SHOULD ALL…
TAKE OUR MONEY MORE SRSLY.
Put some aside every single pay. Maybe even have a jar where you empty your change every night OR you can collect $2 coins…or if not dollars then in any currency in which you barter. Saving does not equal boring though I’ll have you know, it means taking control of your clams and making shit work for you. Get on top of your shit yo!
Those that own a vehicle and a vagina TAKE NOTE! Did you know your insurance and your registration and your license EXPIRES??!!? You did? Well fuck you. Yes for those who have a life, they expire. And with expiration comes anxiety so take control and don’t let the bastards pull you over and ask for all your monies! The thing that gets you from A to B should be treated with respect. Yes yes, I can hear all you bike riders already, well then next time you need a lift to the airport, I’ll drive slowly next to you as you go up hill and pass you Lucozade.
Catch them. They’re good for you and make you not want to kill yourself on a whim.
AND ON THAT NOTE…
Wake up early and get to work on time. Your boss will give you a gold star next to your name plus you will feel smug AND it cuts down on our old friend ANXIETY. I’m telling ya, there is something to be said about being on the straight and narrow.
EAT YO GREENS.
Eat right. Avoid the scurvy…and in rare cases, gout (in joke, sozz). Like today for instance, I ate 5 handfuls of jelly beans, 4 biscuits and a burger and fries for lunch. SO GROSS. I feel fat, out of control and yucky. Not because I’m saying you should cut out the fun, but it’s more because I had a burger last night for dinner and beer and I’m on antibiotics EEK. When I eat better, I feel better…ya know?
CHEER UP BUTTERCUP.
The world is full of cunts. It always has and it always will be and there is nun you can do to change that. You can change you attitude and approach though and that will relieve the stress and irritation you feel when you come across a winner. Be patient with the faults of other, they have to be patient with yours after all.