Yes we all get those irrational feelings. Sometimes they are justified, other times you are just being a weirdo. I think it’s comforting to know that others have the same wack thoughts in order to make us feel better about our insecurities. We’re a complex lot us homo sapiens innit?
‘I WONDER IF THOSE PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT ME’
Yeah they probs are. But why does it have to be negative? They are probably saying something really nice about you! Yeah you’re right…they probably are running their mouths. But who the fuck cares anyway? Also, they might not even be talking about you. AARRGHH the paranoia! Thing is though…if you talk shit, then you assume others do too. So stop talking shit! But only if you care if others do…if you don’t, then continue.
‘IS THAT PERSON BEING WEIRD WITH ME?’
Guess what? They might have had a crap day and are being weird with everybody! So don’t make it all about you. Just stay out of their way and go on about your day.
‘DID MY BOYFRIEND JUST CHECK OUT THAT GIRLS RACK?’
Yeah he definitely did. Know why? ’cause he has a penis. It’s just what they do. It’s no big deal so don’t make it one. Eye fucking a girl is fine, as long as he takes it out on you and not her later. Don’t make big things out of big tits.
‘OH MY GOD, HE IS STARING AT MY FAT THIGHS’
No he isn’t. During sex, all a dude can think about is keeping his dick hard. There is no blood in his brain for the period of time he is naked with you, it’s all in his member. Although, he will DEFS catch an eyeful afterwards. So wrap something around you if you feel self conscious. But then again, fuck it! Wobble with pride! It’s not like he has 8 inches or anything.
‘WAS THAT ABOUT ME?’
Good grief. We can drive ourselves stir crazy wondering if somebodys status or tweet is about us. Again, who gives a rats ass if it is or it isn’t?! Get a damn life yo!
‘DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS/PAIR OF JEANS/HOT PANTS?’
‘OH MY GOD, I WAS SO DRUNK LAST NIGHT. DID I MAKE A DICK OF MYSELF?’
‘IS THIS GUY ONLY WANTING ME FOR SEX?’
‘AM I GETTING RIPPED OFF HERE?’
‘IS THIS WEIRD OLD GUY WHO IS ASKING ME TO STORE SOME FILES ON MY COMPUTER FOR CASH A BIT DODGY? IS THE TAXI DRIVER WHO HAS JUST DRIVEN DOWN A DARK ALLEY GONNA RAPE ME? IS THIS MAN IN THAILAND WHO IS ASKING ME IF I WANT TO MAKE ALOT OF MONEY A DRUG LORD?
‘AM I LIVING A FULFILLED, MEANINGFUL LIFE?’
Who knows?! And who cares!? Live and let live my babies x
*stop smoking so much weed and shoving shit up your nose, that’ll help the paranoid fairy from fluttering around in your head dickhead.