Let’s Go to the Movies

 

Presenting our fave flix where bitches be crazeee.

Wayne’s World 1992

The psycho: Stacey 

Played by: Lara Flynn Boyle

Poor Stacey the “Psycho Hose Beast” just don’t get it. She’s Wayne’s ex-girlfriend, but refuses to admit the ‘ex’ part, and wears the gold “Wayne” nameplate necklace around her neck to prove it. Stacey isn’t the brightest crayon in the box, which doesn’t help her in her plight to win her man back. She tries stalking him, stalking him, gift-giving (a gun-rack when Wayne ‘doesn’t even own A gun’), trying to make him jealous by making out with other dudes in front of him, oh and stalking him.  This movie is obvs a comedy (CLA$$IC), but our girl Stacey demonstrates the teachings of How Not To Get Yo Man Back 101 with high aptitude.


The Crush 1993

The Psycho: Adrian

Played by: Alicia Silverstone

This movie plays out like Lolita, if Lolita was a murderous stalker, and the dude wasn’t a pedophile. Adrian is a young precosious beauty who develops a crush on, and subsequently tries to seduce a full grown man. When he doesn’t reciprocate-because she is a CHILD- but also because he has a grown up lady friend, she starts getting psycho.  She starts to obsess, and so begins the stalking, the blackmail, some mysterious “accidents”, then some flat out violent attacks.  Stars Alicia Silverstone in her first ever role, the Dad from “That 70’s Show”, Westley from “The Princess Bride. Also SOH much 90’s. 


Fatal Attraction 1987

The psycho: Alex

Played by: Glenn Close

Ever heard the term “Bunny Boiler” in reference to a psycho chick? Yeah well it’s from this movie.  Married dude has an affair with chick. Chick turns out to be absolutely BATSHIT.  She basically kicks things off with a feigned suicide attempt when dude (Mr Catherine Zeta Jones) says he’s gotta get back to his wife and kid, then things escalate further and further into the ridiculous and psychotic. Stalking, faked pregnancies, blackmail, more stalking, bunny boiling (it’s not a euphemism), and finally, a violent showdown. Glenn Close’s Alex is ACTUALLY psycho, like psychotic psycho, and totally the OG female movie psycho. Mr Catherine Zeta Jones had bad judgment on this one, yo… I guess the real moral of the story is like, don’t cheat on your spouse n’ stuff.


Mommy Dearest 1981

The pyscho: Joan Crawford

Played by: Faye Dunaway

This is a classic bio-pic about silver screen actress Joan Crawford, once known as ‘The Bitch of Hollywood’. So shit is meta, as the lead character is based on a real person, AND the movie is based on a tell-all book ratting out Crawford for being a psycho mother, written by none other than Crawford’s own daughter.  The movie opens with Crawford- divorced and refusing to admit her career is in the decline, decides that the only thing missing in her life is children- so she acquires a couple of them Angelina Jolie/ Madonna style. The rest of the movie plays out to show Crawford screaming a lot at her daughter, while psysically and emotionally abusing her, all while going slowly insane. How accurate this depiction is, we’ll never know- all we know is what she did as a mother IRL obviously fucked her daughter up enough to spawn this heinous portrayal on page and screen.

Oh and Jay Z samples the movie on Magna Carta Holy Grail’s “Jay Z Blue”


He’s Just Not That Into You 2009.

The psycho: EVERY FEMALE IN THE MOVIE

Played by: A bunch of chick flick regulars

Honestly this movie has the ability to spark more terror than anything in the horror genre, and is more confronting that your most liberal/ experimental arthouse film. As my girl Mary Poppins says, a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, and this dose of reality is encased deceptively in the marshmallow coating of a chick flick. Featuring familiar faces and an inspid mom-rock soundtrack, this movie (based on a book with the same title), manages to encapsulate every form female psycho behavior caused by/ in relation to dudes. But it’s done in such a relatable way, it will leave you averting your eyes and praying for the couch to swallow you up. It’s a quickfire way to assess your level of cray- whatever you cringe at, you’re probably guilty of. Self-tough-love BB. 


Mermaids 1990

The Psycho: The whole family, thanks to mom.

Played by: Cher, Winona Ryder, and a lil bitty Christina Ricci

Cher plays mom, Rachel. She’s changes men like underwear, and at the demise of each fling, up and moves to a new town, haplessly in search of a new man, one who’s gonna give her the glamourous lifestyle she feels she’s destined for. Thing is though, she’s got 2 daughters, Charlotte (Winona Ryder, narrator, 15), and Kate (a 10yr old Christina Ricci).  Charlotte is the complete opposite to her mum- obsessed with Catholicism (albeit being Jewish), and has a phobia of sin. Kate is rad, however as a young kid is heavily underparented by her self-obsessed mother.  It’s a pretty fun, PG kind of movie, but it addresses the domino affect parents can have on their kids- if theu’re fucked up, they gonna fuck you up in some way.

And this song got released in the movie, in true singer slash actor tradition.


Girl Interrupted 1999

The Psycho: Lisa

Played by: Angelina Jolie

Set in a female mental institution in the 1960’s, the players featured in this movie give blanket coverage to all things of the mental disorder persuasion.  It’s all based on a true story, a memoir written by Susanna Kayson, and the movie unfolds as such, told from the perspective of Kayson, played by Winona Ryder. The real star of the crazy show however, is Angelina Jolie’s Lisa, the sociopath, a role that won Jolie the Oscar, Golden Globe AND Screen Actors guild award-(Remember when she accepted the Oscar and kinda pashed her brother??) Angelina Jolie is kind of a douchebag these days, but she crushes it in this movie.  Her reckless, can’t be tamed, zero fucks given Lisa is someone we all kinda wanna be, until her character cracks and her dark past revealed, and we realize the grass isn’t greener in sociopath town. 

And special shout out to Brittany Murphy, who plays Daisy, the girl with as many issues as BBQ chicken carcasses hidden under her bed. RIP girl. X


Young and Beautiful (Jeune et Jolie) 2014

The Psycho: Isabelle

Played by: Marine Vacth

This is a newish French film, still in cinemas.  Story goes, Isabelle is boy crazy school student, but a virgin, and keen to pop her cherry. It happens, and it’s not the fireworks and ticketape parade she’d been imagining, and she is left emotionless but still curious.  This mental combo subsequently leads her into a career as a prostitute.  She carries on a double life as a student, living at home with a good family, while secretly turning tricks.  She also doesn’t do anything with money she earns, nor seems to enjoy her Johns that much, so we begin to that this whole sex thing is maybe just confusing to her, and she’s trying to figure it out / regain some power she lost when giving up her virginity, either way she’s got some issues goin’ on .


Nymphomaniac Parts I + II 2014

The Pyscho: Joe

Played by: Charlotte Gainsbourg

If you have a casual 5 hours to spare, get onto this one.  There is HEAPS of sex, like non-stop, but if you’re after ‘sexy sex’, this ain’t for you. This movie is about addiction, not pleasure. This epic tale is told by anti-heroine, Joe, who is recounting the story of her life to date, to a good Samaritan who has taken her in from the street.  We start at losing her virginity in her youth, to developing the sex addiction, which in turn rules/ ruins her life.  She’s obvs got issues, but in the span of the 5 hours, we get to meet a slew of other characters that each have their own brand of crazy, interact with Joe in either a submissive or dominant role.  This see-sawing of her power propels her like one of those olden days railroad handcarts, deeper and deeper into her addiction, until finally it has consumed her whole life. 

It’s pretttty ridiculous movie, a bit exploitative, a bit self-indulgent on director Lars Von Trier’s part, and Shia Lebeouf’s “Britsh accent” is THE WORST EVER. BUT, looking at it as a story about addiction, it’s pretty real.


Fight Club 1999

The Psycho: Marla Singer

Played by: Helena Bonham Carter

“And then she ruined everything”. That’s line pretty much sums Ms. Singer’s role in the film.  The movie, based on the book of the same name, is psychologically DEEP, with many conspiracies as to whether she’s even a real person, BUT we’re not going there. In a scratching the surface / nutshell explanation, Marla is the psycho chick a dude just can’t quit. Marla is already off the rails when she meets our narrator- but then she hooks up with the dude, and they begin their mutual downwards spiral into doom.  “Her lie reflects his lie”.  They enable eachother to be fucked up. She’s seemingly unaware of her man’s multiple personalities and decline into the abyss of insanity, or if she is, she’s fully into it.  Just like a good partner inspires you to be the best version of yourself, a bad partner can encourage the opposite… Just coz he looks like Brad Pitt sometimes, doesn’t mean it’s a good thing.


I Spit on Your Grave 1978

The Psycho: Jennifer

Played by: Camille Keaton

This one’s a horror cult classic, and is still a pretty controversial and confronting movie by today’s standards- mostly due to it’s graphic depiction of a rape, as well as nudity and hectic violence, but also because it’s one gnarly revenge film. Our leading lady, Jennifer, staying alone in a cottage in the woods, endures a horrific gang rape by 5 local hillbillies, but is left alive. As she is alone in the woods, and it’s the 70’s, she has no way of getting immediate help, so pulls her motherfuckin shit together & turns victim into bad-ass psycho heroine, hunting down her 5 assailants- murdering each of them via some good old ultra-violence.  Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, man. POWER.

 

 

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