Read the Signs


I had a real punch in the gut last Friday afternoon. I came out from an appointment and walked towards my car except when I got to where I left her, she was not there. But as I live here in Australia, the punch in the gut was not from the violation of crime, but rather the violation of my bank account. I had been towed. 5pm peak time traffic and I had overstayed my welcome in the clearway for over 10 minutes and was fresh meat to the vulture trucks lurking around corners.

Gone are the days of my indignant foot stomping on the wretched floors of the universe because that causes nothing but earth tremors in one’s personal space. And one’s personal space is all one has really at the end of the day. And at the end of the day, you best be saying thanks because tomorrow is not a promise. Belee dat. So no, I kicked that bad habit to the curb and instead I directed the anger to myself for a bit as I hadn’t read the sign properly because I was in too much of a hurry because I was late. I ran over time because I took a longer lunch. ‘So suck it up princess’, I said and put my earphones in and enjoyed the autumn sunshine on a characteristically Melbourne day. As I walked I switched from berating myself to laughing with myself as the appointment was for a free Brazilian wax with a trainee beautician which I had booked in order to save some dough. Yeah yeah, I’m in my thirties and I live hand to mouth. Look, I’m happy for you guys who are sensible with money but for me? This is definitely a ‘must try harder’┬ácategory in my school report.

As predicted, it stung. The fucking HUGE dudes at the car depot were as robotically disinterested as ever and took my $375 like it was Zim dollars. Then, to add to the family of moths growing in my sample sale wallet, I get into my little gypsy car to discover she has one of those offensive red and white striped slithers of contempt slid under her windscreen wiper in the form of a parking fine for $185 for being parked in a clearway!! I mean…

No I couldn’t/can’t afford it but it’s on of those non-negotiable, matter-of-fact laws of this milk and honey country. What can I do? Be upset and in a bad mood? That just makes matters worse doesn’t it? Because now, not only do I not have any clams, I am also pissed off. I’m not being smug here, I don’t always get this shit right. Sometimes I comfort eat and masturbate like the rest of us but this time I got this on lock. I went about my evening of cooking with a friend and feeling the buzzy glow of weekend. Then later that night I checked my emails whilst waiting for a bubble bath to run and was delighted to find that someone had paid me for an old invoice from back in ze day. Just like that, it dropped in my broke little lap and right on top of the most expensive vagina in the world.

1 Comment on Read the Signs

  1. Shayla B // 2015-06-21 at 4:58 PM // Reply

    So I’ve found my way back to your blog (where you became my Aussie BFF long before I met you in person)… And I love this so much! Perspective is everything, and you, ma’am, have got it. I can’t wait to spend the time I should be reading my school books on reading your blog instead! I miss you Tammy! :-* and xoxo, Shayla B

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