Single to Mingle

I’m 28 years old and give or take a few hit and misses, I have been single for 3 years. These are my views…
SEX – I’m not only starting this post with this topic because I am the Owl – (we use caps for the Owl now – fyi) – I am starting with sex because it is the number one pro of being attached. The whole ‘sex-on-tap’ thing is definitely something to take into consideration when considering a relationship. But then, if you were offered a box of Cadbury’s dairy milk – would you want a selection of little chocolate trinkets filled with a multitude of mystery gooey centres, or a box filled with just the caramel barrels? Everyone likes a caramel barrel, so you know what you’re getting and you will almost always be satisfied. But the box of randoms is fun! OK, SOMETIMES you will bite into a dark chocolate orange or coffee one, and it may leave a bitter taste in your mouth (remember – some people like those) but think of that blissful moment when your mouth is filled with a creamy delight? (innuendo not intended). Problem is, those fuckers have taken out all the caramel barrels and left the coffee ones. My point is, invest in a dildo.
IT CAN BE LONELY – When you are single for a lengthy period of time, you become pretty self sufficient. This is not a bad thing. However, it can throw out vibes that you never need anyone, so sometimes, you may feel a little lonely. You are not feeling lonely because you are alone. You are feeling lonely because you appear strong and independent, therefore people tend to not pander to you because you appear not to need them to. So, open.your.mouth and holla at your people and tell them you need a bit of company. Don’t end up building this protective ‘I love being single and I don’t need anybody’ shield around yourself – mainly because there is a ring of truth to the whole ‘no man is an island’ thing, but also, if you are open to the thought of a relationship, you may be giving out the wrong signal to a prospective mate, everyone likes to feel needed.
THE PRO’S (and cons) TO BEING SINGLE:
You get to have the entire bed to yourself, plus you can switch off the light whenever you want, but there is no one to have morning sex with.
You don’t look like a lame ass because your profile on facebook is not one of you AND your man. Um, there is no con. This is lame beyond fucking belief. Never give up your individuality.
You don’t end up having an argument at music festivals and end up making it awkward for everyone around you. You do however, have someone who has the responsibility to go to the toilet with you and buy you drinks.
You don’t have a million family functions you have to attend. One set of parents in enough thanks.
You don’t have the entire universe asking you the dreaded ‘When are you getting married?’ question. Dickheads even ask ME that fucking question. Um…I’m single you boneheads, when are you gonna get a life?
YOU GET TO WORK ON THE PERSON THAT YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO BE – See, the thing is my owlettes. I’m not a bitter single, in fact, I think I may even want a boyfriend…eventually. I just think that it is important to be on your way to achieving all your personal goals and your self esteem vats to be pretty full before you put yourself in a partnership. This will help to avoid the boneheads who cash in on low self esteem and forcing you not to just settle for the first dildo/bank account/hot water bottle with a pulse. It’s slim pickings out there my darlings. You are basically picking someone to be a witness to the movie that is your life. You don’t want someone falling asleep or leaving halfway through.
This all being said, I wouldn’t say no to a Johnny Depp lookalike with abs like Jesus.
Be sexy. Be happy x

3 Comments on Single to Mingle

  1. i laughed out loud at your whole chocolate scenario. as i am single right now, i can really really relate to everything you said…miss you xxx ^_^

  2. In case I haven't said before…I think your blog is awesome.

    xoxo

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