KNOW THE LINE UP, CHECK THE TIMETABLE AND WORK OUT WHO YOU WANT TO SEE – There will be clashes, this is inevitable. But you what you need to do is work out who is the more ‘epic’. Like if it was between say Elton John and The Presets…you might prefer the The Presets over old Johnny boy but ya know you will be banging to those clever Aussies at least another 10 times within the next 5 years but Elton John is someone you tell your kids about. You also may be misguided into seeing something you don’t want to because half your crew has the deciding vote … don’t get sucked in. I found myself watching The Prodigy last year instead of Neil Young only to find that the British mentalists are returning this year and I have no idea when I will get to sway my lighter to Mr Young again.
THE ESSENTIALS INCLUDE … – Sunscreen, a hairband to tie your hair up after you are fed up with it sticking to the sweat at the back of your neck, money, lip balm, wet wipes, sunglasses, painkillers for those impromptu exhaustion headaches and a good attitude.
WATER WATER WATER – Did I mention water?
THE OUTFIT – *YAWN* to the boys wearing denim cut offs, singlets, straw fedoras and those bloody kung fu shoe’s. And girls…could we watch out for the dodgy fake tan jobs? Ya look super duper orange in the sun, like a walking bloody Cheezal. Go second hand shopping and choose something original. Flowy little frocks that you take up the hem to de-nerdify it. Or cheap as chips little singlet dresses with flip flops and loads of bling. Whatever, I don’t really care what you wear, just don’t be fucking beige about it.
PLEASE DON’T PISS ON THE TOILET SEAT – C’mon now. As if the process isn’t gross enough.
THE WHOLE ‘DRESSING UP IN MATCHING OUTFITS WITH WORDS WRITTEN ON YOUR CHEST IS ZINC’ IS LIKE SOOOOO OVER – It’s been done.
IF YOU DON’T LIKE THE LINE UP, AND CAN’T BE ARSED THEN DON’T GO – There is some poor sod out there who fucking loves it and couldn’t go because it was sold out to some person who couldn’t give a shit. Then again, that’s life really innit?
WITH THE FESTIVAL COMES THE DRUGS… – Just don’t be a silly bugger.
PLAY NICE – Come on…everyone is hot and everyone is sick of crowds. Be polite, offer your water, smile at someone and chill the fuck out.
I’m off to a 2 day festival this weekend…love you lots and I’ll be sure to report back. Peace out owlies xx