Tagged: food

11/05/2013

TAKE MY ADVICE…I DON’T USE IT ANYWAY PART CENT TRENTE

Conversation comes from a dialogue, not a monologue. Stop just waiting for the other person to finish talking just so you can hear the sound of your own voice.

You can't change the way people perceive you. You can't even get angry about it! The issue lies with how you perceive yourself. Don't make your problem someone else's ... if you know what I mean.

Quit being so bossy! You're annoying.

Egg salad i.e. boiled eggs, mayo and cress is a divine thing to put on a freshly toasted bagel. It's retro AND it is tasty...two great things.

When it comes to style, the trick is to be inspired and not a copy cat. Don't be too literal. Literal fashion is tacky and worst of all, it's corny.

#all #those #instagood #instagram #hashtags #underneath #all #your #photos #make #you #look #desperate #for #attention

Act like a lady, think like a man.

If your sheer goal is to become famous then you will probably achieve it.

But happiness will take a little longer.

Every girl needs a red lipstick in the shade that suits her, a good quality black dress, high heels and a good attitude. This way, you will always have something to wear.

29/04/2013

THE LIES GIRLS TELL THEMSELVES

'I don't know if I ever want to get married' - this is a defence mechanism girls use in case they don't and then they come across like it was their decision. It's fine to want to get married, it's not about religion or institution etc etc, it is about love. Yes, love. If it was about anything else but love then the gays don't have a case. And if it is about legal matters such as financially protecting yourself then we wouldn't be so picky, would we? Wanting to get married should be like wanting a Chanel handbag....you might never get it but that doesn't mean you should stop trying.

'I'll just eat this mac and cheese and then I will start my diet in the morning' - Guess what fatty? Tomorrow never comes. The time is now!

'I'm just with him for the sex, I don't want him to be my boyfriend or anything' - You're right, you don't want him to be your boyfriend, but you are happy for him to act like one so you feel comforted while you look for someone who is boyfriend worthy. This is why dudes think we are bitches by the way. We know right from the start that he is not right, but we string him along anyway because it feels nice to have someone who sends you messages and who will fuck you therefore leaving you feel desired and wanted. Look, it's understandable but it is toxic (for you and for him). Hey your self worth called, she is looking for you!

'People need to accept me for me' - Great attitude! Now, if you were less of an asshole then you would feel a lot more accepted. Generally people love different people! Why? Because they are interesting. But if you have zero self awareness, talk about yourself constantly and have more photos that you have taken yourself in your bathroom mirror than you've had hot dinners then chances are you don't really need many friends to tell you how wonderful you are because you are doing a good job of that on your own. Or are you like that because you are trying to convince yourself how wonderful you are? Irony is a beautiful 'ting.

'I am not like most girls' - Yes you are.

'I'm not going to stoop to her level' - You just did.

'What's wrong? Nothing.' - Another reason why guys think we are head cases...passive aggression.

'You're not fat!' - We call ourselves fat out loud all the time and we say 'I have eaten so much junk today' out loud all time and here's the thing: If your friend is obviously not fat...like she weighs less than 75kg and generally eats well then she is saying these things because she is looking for attention and validation. When a chubbier girl, who is blatantly unhappy with the way she looks is saying these things, she is crying out for help. The worst thing you can say to her is that she is not fat and then take her out to dinner to the latest American diner food place to 'cheer her up'. Flip the question the next time she asks if she is fat, ask her 'Do you think you are fat? Are you happy? If not, what are you going to do about it? It's not even about being thin or fat, it is about being happy and comfortable. Some people are chubby and cool with it and that is just fine, while others have emotional relationships with food. If we had a friend who had a drinking or a drug problem, then we would say something. But why not food? Why is this such a sensitive issue? Because if you say something you come across as rude? Well, quite frankly, it's rude not to.

20/04/2013

TAKE MY ADVICE…I DON’T USE IT ANYWAY PART CENT VINGT-NUIF

Back in the day, one's opinion used to be based on fact, not passion or emotion. Whatever happened to that?

Instead of counting the things that you have loved and lost, try counting your blessings for instant gratification.

Ladies, if a man is fingering you, never allow him to use more than three fingers...even if you can take it! You are a woman, a goddess and your vagina is your majesty. Be kind to it.

Starchy foods such as white bread, white rice and potatoes don't help with weight loss. They fall more under the 'weight gain' category. As do processed sugar and booze. Fuck, I would love to live in a world where woman just don't care about their bodies but I don't. It does exist though! But not in the first world. Here we are surrounded with a abundance of everything and we are suckers to gluttony.

Eat less white bread and potatoes and read more books. It's all fair and well to look good, but it's useless if you are thick in other senses of the word.

Stop shopping! Stop consuming! Stop filling your wardrobe up with crappy, throw away fashion. Buy less but buy well and wear often. Focus more on status which comes from consistency and not statements. Get off that consumer treadmill.

Have you guys worked out your signature dish yet? What is it?

To honestly love comes from lack of judgement.

If he has a girlfriend, then leave him alone. Let's bring back the sisterhood!

Vanilla Ice said it best: Stop, collaborate and listen.

12/03/2013

The Obnoxious Owl Experience

photo copy 3 — I don't think you're ready for this jelly *click photo for stockist*

photo copy 6 — The day I locked myself out

Domestic Goddess Coconut Cake to honor summer!

Domestic Goddess Brownies! Now known as Celeste's Brownies

New Air Max in my 4th favourite colour way

25/02/2013

WHAT’S IN MY NEST? LET’S LINK…

LISTEN - SOLANGE, BAD GIRLS

FASHION - HOWLIN WOLF

DINE - QUEENIES, SYDNEY

READ - HEADLINE PAYOFF

VIEWING - RUBY SPARKS

YOUTUBE - WHOOPI GOLDBERG INTERVIEWS OZZY OSBOURNE

10/02/2013

domestic owl: be my valentine

VfUD_Wta2r — Heart shaped cake tins from DAISO

For those that are unaware I have decided to cook every single recipe out of Nigella Lawson's How to be a Domestic Goddess cookbook over the course of 2013. By the end of it I will be a domesticated owl! Or so I hope. I'm not starting from the front and working my way to the back, its not like wiping after you have had a wee! (sorry)

I am picking and choosing recipes and then adapting them for the occasion at hand. As it is Valentines Day next week and I am single to mingle (woop! yeah! awesome!) I decided to take Nigella's Victoria Spinge recipe and bake some heart shaped cakes for my friends who are the current occupiers of my heart.

I am not one of those that hate Valentines Day purely because I am single and I also don't think its a commercial racket. I love these little days throughout the year that give you an opportunity to love.

I also included these cute little original 1950s cards from Vintage & Nostalgia and fed my girlies up.

I know this all seems very twee of me and a little um, 'housewifey' but this is the year that I wasn't going to concentrate on eliminating the bad but rather on embracing the good. Friends? Good. Cake? Good. Love? Good.

Happy Valentines Day owlies! I loooovvvvveeee youuuuuuu xxxx

photo copy 4 — First some strawberry jam

Sieve icing sugar over the top! Allow everyone to be impressed

VaMLMhta9l — Vintage V day cards from Vintage & Nostalgia

Have fun this Valentines Day! Remember: Love the one you're with and up the bum = no babies x

03/02/2013

The obnoxious owl experience

Hello! As I type this I am suffering from the first hangover of 2013. I tried to lay off the booze for as long as I could but when you are having a great time with your buddies and things crop us I just figure life is too short to not throw caution to the wind from time to time. I'm not really suffering to be honest, I'm just a little tired and sluggish but I am happy and content, somewhat of a contradiction I know, but its the truth. I have also been keeping up with my Domestic Owl project and baked cookies for Australia Day, chocolate loaf for a dinner party and cupcakes for a friends baby shower. This baking lark makes you a bit popular and also a little tubby. There always has to be some thing hey?

I have been going out a lot, even when I don't really feel like it because I am feeling as though I may be missing out on opportunities if I don't. Not really a fear of missing out all together but more because I am trying to suck the most out of day like I do when I get to the end of a tube of toothpaste. I just want my moneys worth I guess.

photo-3 — Australia Day Cookies - Cookie cutters from MATCHBOX

photo-6 — Me in the nature! Warrandyte in Victoria to be precise

photo-7 — Goats Chevre from Meridian Dairy courtesy of the lovely Elesha

photo-8 — Peach Melba by the lovely Shantel

photo-9 — Victoria Street - Lunar Festival

photo-11 — Happy Chinese New Year! Year of the snake! sssssssssssssss

photo-10 — Sugar Cane Juice - pretty delicious but tooth achingly sweet

photo-12 — Salt and Pepper Shakers gifted to me by Evo Hair Products...thanks guys!

photo-13 — Nigella's chocolate loaf cake. So dense and fudgy and delicious

photo-20 — Roses from the top to the bottom

photo-18 — Dabs Myla Show at Metro Gallery running till 9 February

photo-21 — Beautiful furniture in Shantel's home

photo-23 — Beautiful eats in Shantel's home

photo-24 — Domestic Owl cupcakes for Jazzie's showering of the baby

21/01/2013

domestic owl: black, red and green tart

Around 10 years ago this cook book was gifted to me by a dear friend when I was living in the UK. When I first got it I made a few things out of it but I mostly used the brownie recipe which is evident by the chocolate smears and dog ear of that particular page however, those brownies were never for what Nigella intended...if you know what I mean.

I recently moved house and came across it again and have decided that I am going to cook every single recipe out of it over the course of 2013. You heard me! I am going to become a Master Owl, a domestic goddess and everybody's friend I would imagine!

Obviously I am going to find an occasion for everything and alter it where possible for my needs and tastebuds. Also, sharing is caring because I CANNOT eat all this on my own otherwise no boy owl is gonna want to get all up in my nest unless he is into fatties.

First cab off the rank was for Alex's celebration lunch we threw for her on the weekend to celebrate some of her professional achievements. Even though we got her to make lunch but hey, by getting promoted it shows she is capable.

On page 112: Black and White Tart

I didn't have time to seek out them white berry things so I went with blackberries, strawberries and kiwi fruit. I love blackberries! I think they after blueberries they are king of the berry kingdom. They have an Enid Blyton quality about them I think. They are the kind of berries the Secret Seven would have picked for lunch. Also, I put white rum in the mascarpone which isn't very Enid Blyton.

mmmmmmmm I do love me a biscuit base!

One down and millions more to go! Oi Alex, I need my dish back.

God bless and good night x

18/01/2013

Take my advice…i don’t use it anyway part cent vingt-trois

When you go to describe something as 'amazing' stop! Rethink and come up with an alternative word. To be amazed is to be astonished, to be bewildered with wonderment to be stupefied even! Perhaps a sunset could be amazing or Beyonce can be amazing. Unless it is the size of your face and stuffed with rare solid gold cow meat that is edible on a bun made by nuns with each tiny sesame seed placed on top by hand with a tweezer then your hamburger, I'm sorry to say, is not amazing. Although I fear, much like the word 'cunt', that 'amazing' has lost its impact amongst our vocabulary.

Don't get vex about 'not being accepted' because of your tattoos. It's not like you got them to blend in.

Comfort eating has a bad reputation. Just make sure you go for a walk afterwards and drink plenty of fluids OK fatty?

Loneliness is often self inflicted and that is because we are searching for company in the wrong places or people. Often you need to accept where your support is coming from and embrace it. I will bet my last dollar that every one of us have a person wanting to be our friend and we are none the wiser.

Toxic Relationships: People will try to give advice and support for a while but if you insist on engaging in the poison then you will need to accept that you may be doing so alone. Toxins are contagious unfortunately.

Nervousness only comes when you feel out of your league.

If you are over 25 you should have a signature dish. It doesn't have to be complicated or even that good or even AMAZING. It just needs to be something you can do well. A great caesar salad is better than a half assed roast dinner.

He's not calling you because he doesn't want to. Keep busy! Work hard, read, discover your signature dish just don't become neurotic and depressed.

Often when you are in a bad mood it is because you are either tired or hungry or both. Look after yourself and the rest will follow.

Soy lattes are not tasty. I tried...I failed. Moooooooooooooo!

15/08/2012

The Obnoxious Owl Gold Coast Experience

As you can see I was really hating it. Three days, four girls and some sunshine in the middle of August. It wasn't exactly scorching but it was sunny enough to cop a speckle of a tan. The gold Coast is as tacky as pink neon flamingoes which is probably why I loved it.

Very similar to the Melbourne view in August from a sun bed...not. I bloody love palm trees. Not even that sure why, its not like they actually provide any shade and they're not ideal for climbing (I'm a tree climber) but it's what they represent!

The view of the pool from our hotel balcony. I really enjoyed all the pastel colours of the place. I felt the only thing lacking from this picture were two old ladies in boiler suits playing bridge wearing visors.

Like this hotel opposite ours! All peaches and cream and 1950's fabulousness.

Speaking of fabulous, we hit the hotel Palazzo Versace for some high tea and vulgarity. The logo is on errrr thang...

Look at that foyer! So decadent and indulgent yet still very rough around the edges...which is how I would describe the Gold Coast in general. The Versace hotel is probably not where you would stay if you actually had any taste, you would probably stay there to say that you did or if you were one of those third generation Italians who wear Lonsdale and only have an Italian accent when you order Cafe Lattes.

This was the fabric of the sofas we were perched on. I didn't hate it in fact, I the opposite of hated it. although it is dying for some black and white abstract print cushions to bring it into 2012.

The high tea was a lot of fun and pretty delicious. It's not often you get to wash down itty bitty salmon sandwiches with a glass of sparkling now is it?

Or eat blue macaroons! Seriously, what is the fuss over these fucking things? It's like a My Little Pony farted in my mouth.

I just loved the colours! I felt like I was living in a different time! It was like the movie 'Caccoon' you know that movie? The one when the old people go live with the aliens? No? Check it out yo! I'm making the Gold Coast sound all romantic and nostalgic but believe me, it turns into an abortion of a place at night. Look at the dress code for the fine establishment we visited on the Saturday night...

When a venue has a dress code it is the number one indicator that it is full of winners but when it has a dress code to this extent well...there are no words. I'm not even hating, I knew what I was getting myself in for. I thought I could be ironic! But now that I am 31 it appears I have said goodbye to some of my irony and my socially retarded people tolerance.

That is someones daughter.

A car outside our hotel. Man I'm a sucker for powder blue. It is one of my favourite colours of all time. I've always wanted a powder blue vintage car with cream interior since i lived next door to a guy that had one in London. I would need an entire new wardrobe to match but it would be so worth it.

Me and the ladiezzz. We wined, we dined, we dutty wined and we got drunk. What a bunch of Bettys.

The 10th floor of the QT Hotel. I had to nab this shot, its like something out of The Shining. I know its not an original love but I love hotels. It's like you're not in the real world! What happens there, stays there. Someone turns your room every morning, there is room service, you can throw televisions out of the window or if you're like me and you're too scared to do that, then you can just steal the pen. Although the room service at this joint was disappointing to say the least! I've never eaten a Caesar Salad with my hands before!

Where the QT Hotel lacked in cutlery they made up for in pineapples.

I was obviously in my element.

Me being a tourist. Cute no? I swear to God the sign says 'Surfers Paradise' but I kinda like that Alex couldn't fit it all in, at least it has an element of cool about it. Nah fuck it, its lame.

Time to check out and return to Melbourne! Man, you know you live in a good city when you're happy to return after a holiday.

And I'm back with another addition for the fridge. I've been collecting fridge magnets since I started travelling back in 1999. Kitch and nostalgic....that is I. Queensland is the 4th place I have visited in this great country, where to next? Drop your suggestions in the box below!