Sometimes (or even most times) it is probably in your best interest to remain silent. One often thinks you have to look at the world as though you are watching a movie. Everyone around you are actors telling you a story, and it is your job to be the audience and to do nothing but ponder.
Everyone has an agenda. Nobody does anything without hoping for some kind of result. There is nothing wrong with that but it depends where their agenda stems from. And also, it depends on what a person considers what the definition of 'winning' is.
You should all try to have real plants in your house. Only a bit of Mother Earth could make a dump look cosy.
In life, you will often be distracted from your dreams and sense of self by someone in authority, or someone you actually respect because they have the ability to sway your thinking. It is important to hear them as advice, rather than an order...no matter how bossy they can be. Except of course if it's your boss getting you to do something...such as your job.
We are going too fast. The world is spinning. You do have the ability to slow down though. When you're finished reading this, switch off your computer and go do something else.
Smell the roses.
Girls...if you are feeling tired, unattractive and unenthusiastic about dressing up then you probably need to have some sex. Like you need to be fucked, and you need to be fucked well.
What? You are having sex and you still feel this way? You're doing it wrong.
Put a bit of Malibu in your hot chocolate. Have your winter with a dash of summer.
How old will you have to be to realise that you don't have to do what everyone else is doing? Hmmm?
For those that are unaware I have decided to cook every single recipe out of Nigella Lawson's How to be a Domestic Goddess cookbook over the course of 2013. By the end of it I will be a domesticated owl! Or so I hope. I'm not starting from the front and working my way to the back, its not like wiping after you have had a wee! (sorry)
I am picking and choosing recipes and then adapting them for the occasion at hand. As it is Valentines Day next week and I am single to mingle (woop! yeah! awesome!) I decided to take Nigella's Victoria Spinge recipe and bake some heart shaped cakes for my friends who are the current occupiers of my heart.
I am not one of those that hate Valentines Day purely because I am single and I also don't think its a commercial racket. I love these little days throughout the year that give you an opportunity to love.
I also included these cute little original 1950s cards from Vintage & Nostalgia and fed my girlies up.
I know this all seems very twee of me and a little um, 'housewifey' but this is the year that I wasn't going to concentrate on eliminating the bad but rather on embracing the good. Friends? Good. Cake? Good. Love? Good.
Happy Valentines Day owlies! I loooovvvvveeee youuuuuuu xxxx
First some strawberry jam
Then some fresh strawberries
Enter the vanilla cream!
Sandwich together...
Sieve icing sugar over the top! Allow everyone to be impressed
Vintage V day cards from Vintage & Nostalgia
Have fun this Valentines Day! Remember: Love the one you're with and up the bum = no babies x
Around 10 years ago this cook book was gifted to me by a dear friend when I was living in the UK. When I first got it I made a few things out of it but I mostly used the brownie recipe which is evident by the chocolate smears and dog ear of that particular page however, those brownies were never for what Nigella intended...if you know what I mean.
I recently moved house and came across it again and have decided that I am going to cook every single recipe out of it over the course of 2013. You heard me! I am going to become a Master Owl, a domestic goddess and everybody's friend I would imagine!
Obviously I am going to find an occasion for everything and alter it where possible for my needs and tastebuds. Also, sharing is caring because I CANNOT eat all this on my own otherwise no boy owl is gonna want to get all up in my nest unless he is into fatties.
First cab off the rank was for Alex's celebration lunch we threw for her on the weekend to celebrate some of her professional achievements. Even though we got her to make lunch but hey, by getting promoted it shows she is capable.
On page 112: Black and White Tart
I didn't have time to seek out them white berry things so I went with blackberries, strawberries and kiwi fruit. I love blackberries! I think they after blueberries they are king of the berry kingdom. They have an Enid Blyton quality about them I think. They are the kind of berries the Secret Seven would have picked for lunch. Also, I put white rum in the mascarpone which isn't very Enid Blyton.
mmmmmmmm I do love me a biscuit base!
One down and millions more to go! Oi Alex, I need my dish back.
You never feel self concious around them. This stems from not being afraid of being judged...because let's be honest, we all fear being judged. Even when people go, 'I don't give a fuck, I do what I want' - they actually fear it the most because they need to make such a grand gesture about NOT fearing it, you feel me? It's ironic that when we are at our weakest, our lowest, our most worthless selves and when we need people the most, we shy away from others and hide. Because everyday is a struggle to live up to the person you have created and not the person you are. Some people see that person (not many) and those guys are real. Whoah....that's like so deep man!
On a lighter note, a true friend will allow it when you take selfies and will also oblige in taking outfit shots and try to capture you at your most flattering and put a dope filter on it.
A true friend WILL NOT and I repeat W.I.L.L - N.O.T upload a photo of you looking shit. This is also a bit of a grey area, because we have warped perceptions of ourselves, so some photos where we think we look wack we actually look kinda tight to everyone else so a true friend will KNOW which photos you will approve and which you won't so much. Although sometimes they may need to over ride a decision that you may thank them for later. This is not a petty subject! I have witnessed friendships evaporate over this shit.
They will hold you hair back and rub your back when you vomit. But in all seriousness, you should have outgrown this by now. Still, if it were to happen they would be there.
They will never creep on the dude you fancy EVEN if there is no way in Hell you stand the slightest chance with him, they will respect your dibs. However, if YOU were a true friend and you saw that they had chemistry, you would not stand in the way of fate. Friendship is push and pull people. But we all have THAT friend that only starts finding someone to be attractive once you've called it. Yeah, THOSE guys are not pals.
You will never be on a 3 strikes and you're out system with a true friend. They would never wash their hands of you if you keep fucking up. But again, the give and take factor plays a massive role here. You do not want to be keep fucking up and expecting tea and sympathy because that, my friend, is taking the piss.
They will 'like' your FB updates and instagram photos even if they're boring. And on this note, they'll tell you if you're being boring. They will also tell you when to pull your head in.
You will generally feel good about yourself around a real friend. You will feel challenged (in a good way) because they will expect you to be the best YOU that you can be. You will feel inspired and most of all, you will feel safe.
You will laugh.
You will cry.
You will dance.
You will never, ever, ever feel used. Not even once. Not even for half a second.
You will subconsciously strive to become a better human.
You will never hear something they have said about you before you have heard it from them.
They won't ditch you. And those who have been ditched will know what I mean. Ditch rhymes with bitch innit?
They won't compete. If you have a mate who is always LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!' You know they are never looking at you, unless it's up and down and when you're not looking.
A true amigo will not lure you into a false sense of security so that you share your secrets which they can exploit later.
The following things only exist in pseudo friendships/friendships for the world to see and not the ones that are treasured: 1) constant messages and youtube videos left on facebook walls with 'I love you so much, you're such a good friend blah blah blah' when you live in the same city. Who you trying to convince? 2) matching outfits/tattoos/opinions - this reeks of insecurity. 3) doing everything together, everyday with no one else but each other. So unhealthy! Have other friends! Have different experiences! Otherwise, what have you got to talk about? 4) Being 'married' on facebook. 5) I was going to mention another social network friendship that doesn't translate into real life example here but you get the picture.
And then there is you. You are the person you attract. Shit attracts flies. You don't want to be a needy charity case. You want to be a human being that experiences ups and downs, highs and lows, assholes and babes...someone going through life basically. And in this life, you need some witnesses. Otherwise, who will say nice stuff at your wedding/funeral/behind your back? To have a friend is to be a friend. Now think hard about who fits in with what I've said. Can you think of one? You're lucky. Hold tight.
SOMETIMES WHEN YOU THINK PEOPLE ARE BEING MEAN TO YOU, IT'S JUST ALL IN YOUR HEAD.
Paranoia is such a cunt hey? It's like the absolute worst when you think one of your friends don't like you because then you assume that everything they do or say is somehow directed at you. Then you react and become all passive aggressive and then everything is shit. Plus then you get your period and pretty much just want to lie in bed and hate the world with the rest of the people on tumblr. But never fear! Wash those demons out of your head and BE COOL. No emotional outbursts please...that's SO 2011.
YOU KNOW WHAT'S NOT 'TOTES AMAZE'?
Saying 'totes amaze'.
LEARN TO SUMMARIZE AND GET TO THE POINT.
This especially applies to when you are telling a person about your dream. Food you can go into detail with though, and maybe outfits. Oh and movies! Keep that shit tight too...we don't need a blow by blow account thanks.
OH MY GOD, HAVE YOU TRIED USING PRAWNS INSTEAD OF CHICKEN IN A CAESAR SALAD?
Dude. It's life changing hey. Plus carb free if you vito the croutons.
FOR EVERY SHIT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE, THINK OF 5 GOOD ONES.
Are you struggling with this? You may need to get out more...
ON A SCALE OF ONE TO LAME, HIRING A LIMO IS LAME.
It's just not chic darling. Plus the 'For Hire' sign at the back just really takes it to non-chic island. Also, there is no way in Hell that you are a person of discerning taste if you have ever considered hiring a Hummer limo, let alone actually following through and doing it. Hummers are a key indicator that wankers are in the area.
STOP SAYING YOU DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED AND YOU'RE HAPPY BEING SINGLE!
You are like one step away from buying a cat and listening to Adele on repeat. Sure, you don't want to look desperate and needy but jaded and cynical is so not your colour. Just be a whatever will be, will be kinda gal. So much more flattering.
LOSING WEIGHT...
Eat less. Move more. Sorry...I wish I had better news.
People bond with each other by sharing something new and interesting and then shutting up and learning. Give and take. Push and Pull. Sometimes, like maybe, if you want, start a sentence with, 'Oh really? I never knew that!' instead of, 'Well funny you should say that, because I am also just as interesting as you are!' Nothing to prove when meeting new people hey, it's not a job interview. Chill out.
BE FUN.
I don't mean be 'crazy' and arrange sky diving weekends and shit like that. Just be up for stuff. Stay up a bit late. Agree to go to a gig even though it's not really the music you're in to. Be silly and laugh. Be spontaneous and infectious and someone people want to be around. Stop going on and on about what you 'don't do i.e. "I don't do facebook/twitter/iPhones. I don't have a TV. I don't drink' WELL WHOOPY DOO FOR YOU! What do you do then hmm? Not doing those things is fine, but BE COOL, you don't need to shout about it and make a big point of it. Enough of what you don't and more of what you do. If what you're not doing defines you instead of what you are doing then honey, you gots a problem yo.
JUST DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE.
It really is that simple. Be nice. Bring something to the table. Encourage and give credit where credit is due. Ask for help when you need it and be grateful and thankful. Take praise and say thank you. Use your skills and resources to help others and you'll find they'll often do the same back...unless they're also an asshole, then they probably won't.
GET A ROUND IN.
Buy some drinks and maybe shout a friend a fucking coffee from time to time eh?
THROW SOME SUGGESTIONS OUT.
Are you a 'I'll first see what someone else has planned and if I like it I'll take part and if I don't I'll just stay in and think about how awesome I am' kind of person?
TALK ABOUT YOURSELF LOADS AND YOUR 'PERSONAL STYLE'
It's not boring at all. People love it.
DON'T BE SO SELECTIVE.
Variety is the spice of life. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Um....I can't think of any more cliche's. So what if they dress different, talk different, are older than you, younger than you or listen to shit music? Find common ground, get to know, expand your horizons. But DO NOT be friends with crack heads and people who love hiring limos. They will just drag you down.
MAKE OTHERS FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES AND BE GENUINE ABOUT IT.
Don't be a kiss ass, but be someone people want to be around because they feel better for it. Then you'll feel better about YOURSELF. Truth.
Has it ever happened that you meet someone new and think, 'Fuck! This person is hilarious, they remind me so much of so and so'? You have? Same. You should probably introduce them. Bringing people together and encouraging your circles to widen and introducing friends is life enriching. Sometimes you may feel a bit territorial which is natural, i.e. 'You guys only know each other because of meeeeeee!!!!' Yes they do. And isn't that great? Share your friends kids. After all, the thing they have in common is you, and isn't that wonderful?
FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD.
God, when flavours sync so do endorphins. Experimenting in the bedroom AND the kitchen will make life far more interesting. Try cooking steak in loads of different ways...slice it in an Asian salad of bean sprouts, horse radish and coriander with a sesame seed oil, soy sauce and garlic dressing. Slap some cheese on it and mango chutney and sink your chops into a hearty steak sandwich. Go anglo and just add chips and a friend egg. THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVOURITE THINGS. Feta is a great little ingredient too I'll have you know. Last night we crumbled it on pan fried kangaroo (please remember where I live). In the past I have cut it into cubes, dunked it in tempura batter and fried it...I eloquently named them 'Feta Bombs'. Feta is great in scrambled eggs, stuffed in calamari tubes, used instead of parmesan on pasta and sprinkled on avocado on sour dough toast. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM fuse me baby.
FASH UN AND MOOOOOSIC.
Just because you're rocking Supreme dun mean you have to be strictly into hip hop. Just because you ride a bicycle with a whimsical basket on the front dun mean you have to fuck with the Fleet Foxes. Man, even the artists themselves are collaborating and re inventing and mixing things up. Stop being so fucking boring and one track minded and explore all avenues of what is on offer in the world of clothing and musical genres. The greatest things have happened when people thought out the box and muddled things up and did the things that couldn't/shouldn't/wouldn't be done. Wear evening wear with converse, be into street wear and Fleetwood Mac, combine vintage and modern...do whatever you fucking want basically. Who sets the rules? No one important, that's for sure.
ASS TO MOUTH.
Don't be afraid.
LOOK TO THE ROCK FROM WHICH YOU WERE HEWN AND THE QUARRY FROM WHICH YOU WERE DUG - ISAIAH 51:1
Your heritage. What are you? Half this, quarter that, two thirds this? Isn't it marvelous? We're a bit like dogs really. The more cross bred and interesting dogs make cuter, stronger animals than their pedigree'd chums. Find out about your culture and where you come from, embrace it and claim it. My father is half Portuguese and half English but was born in Bo Kaap in Cape Town and was raised in a Portuguese community. My mother was born in middle England and moved to South Africa with my grandparents when she was 16. They met and fell in love and DID NOT HAVE SEX because a stork brought me thanks. My Portuguese Catholic family upbringing crossed with my extremely Anglo football (soccer) watching, roast beef eating side of the family stirred with growing up in pre AND post apartheid South Africa makes for an interesting story. What's yours? Get to know it.
INTER RACIAL.
It's not one of the most searched for things on porn sites for nothing. Try a few flavours! You do with ice cream, why not people?
TRADITION IS NOT BAD.
Nor is it boring. It is necessary in order to balance the different. To create the ying and yang of life and to provide a bass camp for when we feel over stimulated. But when you mix up tradition with the things that tickle your fancy, that is when life gets more interesting and memories are created and treasured. There are a million different sauces out there and million more to be invented but at the end of the day, you still need the pasta.
NEW YEARS EVE. People love a clean start don't they? Who can blame us really, the dream in many cases is wishing we could start over and a new year is the closest we'll ever come to that. 2011 was a tough one for me personally...I won't go into it...mainly because I'm sick of talking about it and also, there are many who are worse off than me and I don't want to fucking moan.
I'm going to reflect in pictures, it's easier.
This year I moved from the hot, dry city of Perth in Western Australia to the leafy, cultural city of Melbourne. Resolution number one: Embrace my new home. Explore it's crevices and make it mine. It was voted the most liveable city in the world this year...who the fuck am I to argue with the statistics?
I went for a month long trip to the city that I hold close to my heart back in October. Nothing has changed about how I feel about London, but my experiences there and crushed expectations have inspired me to make some important decisions. Resolution number 2: Nostalgia is for the weak and worrying about the future gives you wrinkles. Live in the now and choose better men, friends and luggage. Rubbish ones will only slow you down.
My world is full of colour...and I wouldn't have it any other way. But my wardrobe is bursting with rainbow hues that I just no longer wear. Resolution 3: Strip back and embrace the chic. Quality over quantity and all that jazz.
I've made some great friends this year and I've been disappointed by a few as well. I have drifted from some and have been pleasantly surprised to have a few drift back in. But that's life yeah? Number 4: Instead of spending energy on cutting people off and forcing issues, nurture and appreciate the good ones. The keepers.
This humble blog has taken me down roads I only dreamed of when I stared it 2 years ago. I have my own column in 2 publications, I guest write for a mirage of blogs, I've worked closely with people I admire and met a bunch of people who have done nothing but enrich my life. Reso #5: Work like a boss and take my money a little more seriously.
Eat better. Not to lose weight as such although Lord knows I could stand to lose a few, I just want to be a little more aware about what goes into my gob. Fruit, veg and grilled protein. All the exciting stuff basically :/ But there is no way in HELL I am giving up cheese, coffee or wine. Resolutions are all fine and well but I'm fucked if I'm gonna be boring.
Finish the OWL book.
The mothership resolution that is the umbrella for the others: Smell the roses. Expect the best and prepare for the worst. Life goes on and there are highs and there are lows, the highs are great and make life worth living, the lows are inevitable and can make it difficult to get out of bed...but them's what stops you from becoming a spoilt brat innit?
Happy New Year Owlies. We're only going to have the same resolutions in 365 days time anyway, but like most things, the best you can do is try. Do what feels good and take your fuck ups on the chin. Now let us drink x
You don't always need to say it. Choose your arguments and think your opinions through...you'll find folk will listen and take you more seriously. But if you can't bite your tongue...
...THEN WRITE IT DOWN.
Keep a journal. Whether it be digital or old school it dun matter, but creating an avenue in which to channel your thoughts will make you more bearable in person. The only reason I still have friends is because I write because CAN YOU ACTUALLY IMAGINE?!
YOUR PARENTS WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND.
Its the ciiiiiiiiircle of liiiiife! Don't get frustrated, just accept it. We live in the time of the IN TERRRR NET. We have information coming at us quicker than Britney Spears has deep fried pizza. It's not even that you know better...it's that you know too much. Zip. The. Lip.
SMELL THE ROSES.
I know life feels like we are constantly chasing the carrot. But take time to notice that the carrot that you are currently eating is the one you once were chasing. Get it?
BE MORE SELF AWARE.
Quit cutting people off mid sentence. Quit talking about yourself so much. Quit agreeing to disagree. Just quit. Take a breath. Listen. Refer to point one of this post.
AND JUST LIKE THAT OLD GUY SAID IN THE NINETIES...
Don't pretend to be one. The thing with friends over family is you get to choose them...so they're almost better than family because they are hand picked and nurtured. They don't have to love you regardless and nor you them. Now think of those buddies in your life that make you laugh, feel better about yourself, not out to sabotage and lift you when you're down and pat your back when you're up. Now compare the rest to those guys. It's a no brainer. Trim the fat Owlies...it's almost a new year.
FRENCH MANICURES.
Get rid of them immediately. Like seriously, I can't believe they can even go around calling them 'French' like it's meant to suddenly become chic out of no where. French manicures are about as stylish as a print of the Eiffel Tower from Ikea.
IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE KISSING THEN YOU PROBABLY WON'T LIKE THE SEX.
Do not let him enter your underwear just because you feel sorry for him or you feel you 'let it go too far so now you can't reverse'. Bull shit. It's all in the kiss...sometimes the banter, but its really the kiss.
YOUR VAGINA IS NOT A DRIVE THRU MCDONALDS.
If homeboy wants a piece he can put some decent time aside. Even if your fling is casual you are still a human being and you are a treat therefore it's 3 courses or nothing. Lay down the law baby girl!
STOP CALLING THE PARTY YOU ARE GOING TO A 'FUNCTION'.
'Last night I went to a work function' - oh God it sounds lame.
DO NOT NEGLECT YOUR AREOLA.
Pluck those fucking errant hairs and put sunscreen on them when you're sun bathing in the buff. A beautiful areola is not to be scoffed at.
