- 'I don't know if I ever want to get married' - this is a defence mechanism girls use in case they don't and then they come across like it was their decision. It's fine to want to get married, it's not about religion or institution etc etc, it is about love. Yes, love. If it was about anything else but love then the gays don't have a case. And if it is about legal matters such as financially protecting yourself then we wouldn't be so picky, would we? Wanting to get married should be like wanting a Chanel handbag....you might never get it but that doesn't mean you should stop trying.
- 'I'll just eat this mac and cheese and then I will start my diet in the morning' - Guess what fatty? Tomorrow never comes. The time is now!
- 'I'm just with him for the sex, I don't want him to be my boyfriend or anything' - You're right, you don't want him to be your boyfriend, but you are happy for him to act like one so you feel comforted while you look for someone who is boyfriend worthy. This is why dudes think we are bitches by the way. We know right from the start that he is not right, but we string him along anyway because it feels nice to have someone who sends you messages and who will fuck you therefore leaving you feel desired and wanted. Look, it's understandable but it is toxic (for you and for him). Hey your self worth called, she is looking for you!
- 'People need to accept me for me' - Great attitude! Now, if you were less of an asshole then you would feel a lot more accepted. Generally people love different people! Why? Because they are interesting. But if you have zero self awareness, talk about yourself constantly and have more photos that you have taken yourself in your bathroom mirror than you've had hot dinners then chances are you don't really need many friends to tell you how wonderful you are because you are doing a good job of that on your own. Or are you like that because you are trying to convince yourself how wonderful you are? Irony is a beautiful 'ting.
- 'I am not like most girls' - Yes you are.
- 'I'm not going to stoop to her level' - You just did.
- 'What's wrong? Nothing.' - Another reason why guys think we are head cases...passive aggression.
- 'You're not fat!' - We call ourselves fat out loud all the time and we say 'I have eaten so much junk today' out loud all time and here's the thing: If your friend is obviously not fat...like she weighs less than 75kg and generally eats well then she is saying these things because she is looking for attention and validation. When a chubbier girl, who is blatantly unhappy with the way she looks is saying these things, she is crying out for help. The worst thing you can say to her is that she is not fat and then take her out to dinner to the latest American diner food place to 'cheer her up'. Flip the question the next time she asks if she is fat, ask her 'Do you think you are fat? Are you happy? If not, what are you going to do about it? It's not even about being thin or fat, it is about being happy and comfortable. Some people are chubby and cool with it and that is just fine, while others have emotional relationships with food. If we had a friend who had a drinking or a drug problem, then we would say something. But why not food? Why is this such a sensitive issue? Because if you say something you come across as rude? Well, quite frankly, it's rude not to.
The end of summer has dawned upon us over here in the Southern Hemisphere and whilst the weather Gods reckon it ended on the 28th February, the actual Gods have turned up the volume on the sun and I sit here on March 10th looking out of my window at the glorious blue sky and waiting for my bikini to dry from the rinse after yesterdays swim in the sea so that I may wear it again today for another baptism.
Yes, I said baptism as this is what it feels like. After going swimming in something that is larger than life, larger than comprehension, so insatiable and uncontrollable as the ocean you feel renewed and cleansed from the inside out.
Not to get all religious about it, but I'm going to quote the Bible. Actually, I don't think it gets more religious than that but there you go. This is a verse from the book of Romans and is as popular at church baptisms as the funky chicken is at weddings and it goes like this:
Romans 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.
I often ponder whether the ocean was gifted to us as a tool to obtain clarity and focus. From the moment we are conceived, the moment daddy's tadpole hits mummy's egg (ew) we live in water for 9 months. It is our first natural state. We are then born perfect. Free of insecurity, of fear, of corrupt thoughts and opinion as we take our first breath of air.
And then, like a fish out of water, we are immediately vulnerable to the ways of this world. Our parents, our teachers, our friends, our siblings, the creepy man next door, a selfish boss, the masses who love shit music, the people who break our heart, our best friends, our enemies, the colleagues who we spend more time with than our own families, the way we lost our virginity or the way we found out that Santa wasn't real (same thing)..all these people, all these things and experiences begin to mould and shape our mind. They distract us from the very core of who we really are and how we really think. We have the power to influence therefore we are easily influenced. We become a link in the pattern of this world and they way we think is not really the way we think...if you know what I mean.
The ocean, the huge majestic and unfathomably bottomless body of undrinkable water will help to wash away excess thoughts leaving you with only the ones you know to be true. An angry sea with relentless waves is best for a relentless mind. Calm waters are good for contemplation and an evening swim with a sunset is the best setting for reflection. But whatever condition your waters are in, they will all make you feel vulnerable again as well as the best feeling of all...insignificant.
It is that feeling of insignificance that will enable you to see the bigger picture in whatever situation you have found yourself in. It reminds us how big the world is and how small we are in it. It helps to wash away hurtful thoughts and intentions towards yourself and others and if your mind and eyes are open wide enough, you will discover that the answer to everything lies inside of you and has yet to be corrupted and with the result, the world becomes a more enticing place to be and that, my dear readers, is what being grateful is all about.
For those that are unaware I have decided to cook every single recipe out of Nigella Lawson's How to be a Domestic Goddess cookbook over the course of 2013. By the end of it I will be a domesticated owl! Or so I hope. I'm not starting from the front and working my way to the back, its not like wiping after you have had a wee! (sorry)
I am picking and choosing recipes and then adapting them for the occasion at hand. As it is Valentines Day next week and I am single to mingle (woop! yeah! awesome!) I decided to take Nigella's Victoria Spinge recipe and bake some heart shaped cakes for my friends who are the current occupiers of my heart.
I am not one of those that hate Valentines Day purely because I am single and I also don't think its a commercial racket. I love these little days throughout the year that give you an opportunity to love.
I also included these cute little original 1950s cards from Vintage & Nostalgia and fed my girlies up.
I know this all seems very twee of me and a little um, 'housewifey' but this is the year that I wasn't going to concentrate on eliminating the bad but rather on embracing the good. Friends? Good. Cake? Good. Love? Good.
Happy Valentines Day owlies! I loooovvvvveeee youuuuuuu xxxx
Have fun this Valentines Day! Remember: Love the one you're with and up the bum = no babies x
This year we saw Barack Obama enter his second term to the sound of Stevie Wonder's Signed, Sealed, Delivered before he went on to give the most profound, boundary smashing speech we are yet to see from any other politician, any other leader. He touched on many things but the hero, the core of everything he said was the message of love and acceptance.
Every year I do the same blog post about what I've learnt and what I endeavour to do over the coming 12 months and if I have learnt anything from my 31 years on this earth it is that I know nothing. Things happened over the course of 2012 that I never saw coming and I have been reflecting on it for longer than necessary. However, I try to look at things and see the positive side because there really is always one about, underneath the murky, mucky troublesome shade casting over your mood.
It sounds really emotional and I guess it is but it is the truth. The moment we realise that everything is transient things like clothes, youth, jobs, teeth, goldfish, luggage, acrylic nails, hair coloru, our time on this earth...that sorta 'ting, and that the only thing true is the feeling you have inside yourself you will begin to find happiness is the strangest of places.
The strangest place I happened to discover a sense of the closest thing I know to being content is a tiny, cosy little piece of real estate in my own mind. Floods and fires can take away all that is material in an instant. The cycle of life can take away people but its the memories, the relationship we have with what drives us.
Happy new year Owlies! Did you hear Kim and Kanye are having a baby? oooooooweeeeeee!
In life, not everyone is going to like you and thats ok
Curve balls happen and they make you better at the game
When it comes to crockery, toilet paper and linen, all white is best
Meeting new people is a lovely thing but remember to nurture the friends you already have
We all have too much 'stuff'
Moving house will show you how much 'stuff' you have
Being in control of ones diet will give you the strength to control all the other ares of life
Money can buy happiness, but it is very short lived
Music stimulates the sub conscious
Everyone cares what everyone thinks and thats not a bad thing
You always know what to do
- Don't instagram the sunset, enjoy it.
- Familiarity breeds contempt and its upsetting.
- Go to the dentist. Don't put it off because its better in the long run for both your smile and your bank account.
- People who are the most irritating are usually the ones who just want to be loved.
- When in a restaurant, put your phone away. It's never OK to have it on the table. Asshole.
- Girls: Never say 'I love you' first.
- Dude, have you ever tried roast cauliflower with pinenuts and crumbled feta over the top? Oh oh and spinach? You're missing out.
- Girls with small boobs: Stop trying to make yourself feel better about it by calling girls with large boobs a slut.
- Girls with large boobs: Stop acting like sluts.
- Stop calling other girls sluts. We get it enough from the men.
- Try a little tenderness.
Love is a pretty selfish emotion when you think about it. Romantic love anyway. We only put it out there in the hope that it will be returned because as much as we all want 'to love' we all want to feel that love back. Man, what an unfair burden to put on another human! That is why people get animals...for that no brainer, unconditional reciprocated affection. You can count on the fact that at least once a day a living thing will be happy to see you.
I always thought owning a pet was a bit obnoxious (ha!) until the other day I picked up a puppy because I was hurting inside and it felt good. It was similar to that immediate relief you get when you burn your finger on the oven and stick it under a cold, running tap. Except you know you have to switch the tap off at some stage and walk away and the minute you do, the pain will be back. It's the kind of pain you can live with, but you'd rather not.
Do you think it's why humans are conditioned to want children? To create little, tiny versions of ourselves that we will love so unconditionally which in turn helps us to learn to love ourselves? Maybe.
The Beatles said 'All You Need is Love' but does it matter where you find it? The Bible tells us that we all have it within in the form of the Holy Spirit...I guess thats where it starts. 'Like attracts like' according to the laws of attraction. Happy people who like themselves usually attract other happy people. So if you love yourself then you will probably attract someone who will love you? That sounds a little unfair to be honest. Thats a bit like a millionaire winning the fucking lottery! What about all of us who don't love ourselves that much and need validation in someone else's affection? Hey? What about that?!
This is why God made cheese. And red wine. And $10 dresses that fit like they were made just for you. I love all those things.
WHEN YOU REALLY LIKE SOMEONE YOU'LL PROBABLY FUCK UP QUITE A BIT IN FRONT OF THEM.
Yes it happens to all of us. Yes it sucks. Yes the object of your affection will think you're a goose. No there is not much you can do about it other than try and not be an idiot. Also, you will be really self aware during this time of infatuation so you might not even be as spastic as you think you are! Haha no just kidding, you are.
LEAVE THE DJ ALONE.
It really is so irritating/lame/super uncool to keep asking the DJ to 'play your song'. Nobody likes an armchair DJ buddy. And on that note, the same can be said for switching up songs on the iPod at a house party. Know your place!
MAKE A LIST.
Can't sleep? Make a list. Feeling unfocused? Make a list. Feeling overwhelmed? Make a list. Actually, don't MAKE a list, COMPOSE a list.
THESE THINGS HAPPEN TO EVERYBODY...
When you turn your iPhone on and the camera is facing you and you see yourself from an angle that makes you want to cry. When you question your self worth when feelings aren't reciprocated. When you talk about shit you actually don't want people to pay attention to. Bad haircuts. Zits. Feeling insignificant. Heart break. Thinking too far ahead therefore building expectations and getting majorly bummed when these expectations aren't even close to being met.
HAVE TWO KINDS OF COFFEE.
The one you order when you are the one doing the ordering and the one you order when someone else is. For example, if you ask me to get you a 'double shot soy hazelnut latte extra hot' then I will probably spit in it. Complicated orders are for solo missions and flat whites are for guests.
YOUR ELVIS IS OUT THERE.
And he will make your heart sing baby!