For some reason I get a trillion emails asking me to do these O.OWL experience posts. What the heck is wrong with you people? Don't you follow me on instagram? Now I have to talk you through everything and shit? I guess it's 'cause my life is so interesting. Wish you could see me now in my dressing gown and a face mask...ROCK N ROLL TILL I DIE. Anyway, you asked for it and here it is. My experience.
These nails are long gone now but my goodness they were pretty. Purple and gold...so regal, so elegant...OK not elegant but they're my favourite claws I've had in a while. I was due some fresh acrylics so these didn't last long and a few broke and I also am meticulous about posting nail photos so these are old news, but I just wanted to look at them again. Miss you.
Yes yes more nails. See, I don't think of them as just the hard bits at the end of my fingers, I see them as 10 tiny little empty canvases screaming with possibility. And right now, all that is possible is one straight up colour because I am feeling restless of late and can't really sit down for more than half an hour these days. This pink colour lasted all but a week because I went to a mates 30th and it was 1930's themed AND WE ALL KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE FANCY DRESS! (I hate fancy dress) so I changed the colour to a plum...
Looks great in this photo right? In real life...not so much. I painted them myself. Ironically I am shit at doing nails. For those of you that think I have a riveting life, as you can see, all I do is have my nails done, take photos of them and then talk about it.
This is Asha, she turned 30. Such a cutie right? She's only like 5 ft tall and it's hilarious. Plus she can roll a cigarette with just one hand. I luz this tiny ball of trouble.
How fast did April swing round eh? We're mid way through now! Actually...I always kinda think that everyone says TIME IS JUST FLYING BY when I think it's going at a really normal and gratifying pace thank you very much.
This is my bedroom. My cave. My sanctuary. It's where I am sitting right now writing this jibberish and it's one of my most favourite places to be in the whole entire world. Wait one sec....a fucking candle has just melted all over my dressing table...BE RIGHT BACK!
OK I'm back! Jesus what a mess. Speaking of Jesus, it was Easter not too long ago and I am still going hard on the 'ol 'lifestyle change' so instead of chocolate, I bought myself some roses. I love roses. I know it's an unoriginal favourite flower but my care factor is zero because they are the bomb. Look at this one for instance, it looks like it's made of suede! (it's not) I thought it was so special that I gave it to someone special. Special 'tings for special folk. When I say 'special' I don't mean 'spastic' I mean 'nice person'. Just to clarify.
Another purchase made in the month of April was my WAH NAILS book. *sigh* I was so pleased when it came in the mail but it has made me so anxious about my own book that I am trying to write. The words are just not flowing! I think I've used them all up. Help. Anywayzzz, go to Amazon and cop the book. It's a winner.
Hi, I also live on celery now. And brown rice. THESE HIPS DON'T LIE.
Last Sunday me and my bitches went to Rooftop which is a bar on the um, roof in the middle of Melbourne city and we had a ball. a) I wore jeans for the first time in 1.5 years because I dropped 10kg, b) the sun was shining, c) my girls were all on top form and looking wonderous, d) we went to this rad little joint where they serve dim sum in the shape of dolphins. The end.
Like my new iPhone case? It's made of hardwood timber by a brand called A SKULK OF FOXES. I got it from a brand new store that just opened on Greville Street here in Melbourne called LUNAR STORE.
This is the owner, her name is Jules. OK YOU GOT ME, she is one of my nearest and dearest and I am so proud of her because she is a hard working little bunny. Actually not that little, she is tall as fuck. If you find yourself in the area, go in and say hi and tell her I sent ya! You won't get discount or anything but you know, just tell her I said hi.
In other news, who else thinks Barbie is dressed like an unsavoury sort these days? What a role model eh? Back in my day Barbie was way more demure and more 'girl next door' than 'girl in the gutter' Didn't stop me from making her have pretend sex with Ken though. Hmmmm, it appears my perversion began at an early age.
I GOT NEW STICKERZZZ! Get at me if you want some owl@obnoxiousowl.com - also, I just wanted to say that I apologize for not updating nearly as much as I used to. Thing is, I don't want to post just for the sake of posting you know? I want to be passionate and inspired and quite frankly, I respect ya'll too much to just pump out shit for the sake of it. Quality over quantity and all that jazz. But please keep your emails and messages coming as it definitely helps and who knows? You might end up in the book! God speedx
The GIOGO GIRLS have come up with this brilliant concept and I bet there are hundreds who are kicking themselves that they haven't thought of it themselves. I Luvz it.
Hello everyone, how are 'tings? I'm alright thanks for asking. I still love Melbourne and have been going through a few adjustments of late. A few doors have closed on old wounds and a few exciting ones have opened. But that is life hey? Imagine there was a nerve connected between our brains and our emotions that could just be switched off!? If the nurses think they've got something to strike about now, then whoah imagine if that shit could go down. Haha, I kid though. Heart break and heart ache and making up and breaking up are character building and all part of life experiences. Like, how good does summer feel after a long winter? Exactly.
Metaphors aside and on to some real weather and me self indulgently talking you through my instagram pictorials.
We just woke up one morning and summer had done a runner in the night like a one night stand. 38 degrees on the Sunday and then rain like a cow pissing on a flat rock on the Monday morning and it's been here to stay like the last irritating friend at a party. But then again, this is Melbourne so tomorrow we could all be in our bikinis again. Well not me, but girls who can. FUCKING WEATHER, WHAT A CONVERSATION STARTER.
This was taken in the midst of summer. Australia Day to be exact. My homie Paul with his ginger book ends Dave and Nick. Nick is the bloke on the right who has just moved to Australia from London along with his missus Emily and they are also my new housemates. Australia Day was their induction haha. I think they're loving it thus far but they dun know too many people so be sure to say g'day if you see them about, Most likely to be found in sneaker joints.
This is Emily. She is a vision of pastels and blonde hair and a booty you can crack nuts on. Fashion designer, bike rider and cocktail umbrella wearer. I took this photo last night at The LuWow in Collingwood. Dolly Daydream here was in her element.
They're also really good at dinners. Look at this guy for instance. Yummo. All protein and nutrients up in there. Which is good 'cause I'm back on the protein horse. I had a FUCKED 2011, I really did and this gut I'm carrying around is not only physical, it's emotional so I joined the gym and I told bread to take a long walk off a short plank.
This dress for instance. I used to fit in it like it ain't no thang and now it's just a decoration in my bedroom. Well nah ah gurl fran, I am sorting this shit right out. Stay tuned for the purple dress self shot. Hopefully it's sooner rather than later. Can ya'll feel my determination? I drank soda water and lime all night last night for Gods sake.
So a few weeks back there was the GIRLS IN KICKS exhibition here in Melbourne and yours truly was amongst the girls in the portraits. New Balance sent me these babies to wear to the opening night. Now I have always been a loyal supporter of the swoosh (even though I have been pretty much glued to my Vans Authentic's of late) but you know what? I am feeling NB in a big way. Plus they're made in England and I love England AND they are comfy as fuck. I quite fancy a pair in green hmmmm
What would the OWL experience be without the nail pics? A more tasteful one no doubt haha. WHATEVER, ACRYLICS FOR LIFE. Those who have followed this blog for a while will know I rocked the long, square, hoochie claws for a minute, then I took them a bit rounder and now they are 10 little pointy triangles and I luz dem. These are last month's though...
These are the ones I have currently. Except I broke 2 and then just had them painted black. They did it for free because APPARENTLY I'm 'there all the time' . I wonder if I will ever grow out the nail phase hey? Probs not, it's been 7 years
Every year I buy a new wallet and a new diary. Now I'm involved with Moleskine distribution, they were a natural choice for my diary game and bloody Hell you can see why it's such an iconic brand. I am never looking back. I usually get bored of diaries around mid year and then get stuck in again as Christmas approaches but I would actually be lost without this little guy. Green leather wallet I copped from FAT 4 on Brunswick street, holler.
Notice my cushion covers? A reader from Queensland made them and sent them to me with this cute little card! How is it that a stranger knows me better than some of my own family? Girl, you should give them tips in December. Not even worried if Mum reads this 'cause she quit reading the OWL a looooong time ago. Follow 'erincq' on instagram, she's such a doll. And I'm not just saying that 'cause she gave me stuff, she really is.
Has anyone popped into the Converse store in Melbourne Central of late? I haven't been back in since last year when I copped some black low's but I've been meaning to go because I quite fancy some plain white high tops. How good are their carrier bags?
This is another little addition. It kinda makes my room look like a brothel but maybe that will bring me some action. Nah I've just always liked neon lights, found mainly amongst red light districts and strip clubs. Hmmm, no coincidence I swear but really, it says 'LOVE' for fucks sake, it's cute and innocent like moi
Speaking of love. This broad. I think everyone deserves that friend who will straight up tell you like it is and not what you want to hear, and I have found one in this barrel of laughs. My girl Alex has beauty and brains and can sink beers with the boys with finesse.
Lately...well not lately, I guess I/we have always known that with every action comes a reaction and reactions come with consequences. The chicken and the egg story..how did it all begin, where did it all start, whose fault is it, who can we blame, how do we handle things when we're hurt and confused. The truth is, while there are those that really do just like to fuck things up for people, I think that acting on our emotions are what make us human but what separates us from animals, is our ability to have a little self control. Today somebody told me happiness is letting go and moving on. I agree. Holding the happy memories is a lot easier to carry than the heavy weight of baggage. That reminds me, I need new eye cream.
Here we have it folks, the new things I love to use and then convince myself that they were worth every penny via the medium of the interwebz.
BARRY M is no secret to our UK buddies who can cop this fantastic brand all over the place in their cold ass country. They srsly do errrthang and do it well. I would buy this stuff over MAC any day if I had the convenience of it just down the road or something. Anyway, I only own a couple of make up brushes and some nail varnish. It's weird for me to own nail varnish actually because I always get my acrylics done every 2 weeks on the dot and I'm not one of them people who take in their own polish...ya know? I bought some on my last trip to the UK because I wanted blue toe nails to match my blue mood. Then the other day the nail lady effed up my nails so big time and I couldn't be arsed to go back and get her to do it again so I painted my girls blue. See...
I love me some BARRY M. Give their lippy's a go as well, they have more colours than South Africa.
Meet my new boyfriend. *pause* OK so as I've gotten older my hair has gotten finer and my bathroom floor now has a luxurious mane, therefore I have been forced to leave my hair au natural which is curly. Curls = body and Lord knows I need it. So, I was inspired by Rihanna (yes really) and thought I'd curl my curls! CRAZY. Not really. Any hoooo I went to PRICE LINE to get me some tongs. BOY WHAT A VARIETY! I ended up choosing this guy because it's tapered at the end and it gives your curl bounce at the root and makes the end a bit tighter. I am so glad I did this because it just kinda adds a little more POW! (yes pow) to my hair and gives them more definition. HAHA I sound like a wanker. Well....so is your mum. I am all about BABYLISS I gots the hair dryer and the electric rollers. This thing was only $70 and goes right up to a heat setting of 25 degrees! Plus it's ceramic coated and when it's not hot you can...yep. Also, look how the little buttons make a face kinda haha! OK so after you've curled your hurrr...
Toss your hair forward and spray liberally with L'OREAL ELNETT HAIRSPRAY. This is cult hairspray and is used backstage at all the shows darling. It has been on the circuit for yonks and I kinda want to get the woman on the can tattooed hmmmm...dun steal my idea! The can is huge and will last forevs and is only 10 dolla and the best bit is, is that it is non sticky. HOO RAH.
Apologies to LIME CRIME because they asked me ages ago which lipstick I wanted so I could talk it up for all ya'll. Now I'm not one for blogging shit just because I got something for free but if I like it then I shall and I have been banging on about Lime Crime since 2009. So I asked the lovely PR lady for MY BEAUTIFUL ROCKET because I have wanted a really orange lipstick for a while now. OK I'm lying. I wanted it because M.I.A wore it in this video...
Here is a rather professional photograph of me sporting it...
I luuurve the colour. It's a nice summery change from red and it goes on easily...but to take off not so much. It left a bit of a orange stain but I worked it by putting some Vaseline over the top and it gave a nice subtle day time hue. Um hello magazines, aren't I just a natural at being a beauty editor? Gimme.
So if you look at the photo of me above and squint you will see no lines around my eyes. Stop squinting and WHOAH. OK slight exaggeration but times a ticking and shit is getting realz so I invested a whopping $18.95 and get a free NW magazine on this 'life changing' caffeine enriched roll on formula for the eyes by GARNIER. I GUESS it's working...I can't really tell. I'll let you know in 30 years.
Perfume time! MAYBE BABY by BENEFIT is my mother fucking jam. Well it was, because I lost it. Waaaahhhhhhh!!!!! God and it's my 'date scent' it's so playful and provocative. I'm not one to share my perfume secrets but this one is cool because it's a special occasion thing not my 'signature scent' HAHA imagine your signature scent was by J-LO ! HAAAAAAAHAHA! I'm not impressed I lost this because it was virtually brand new and now it's gwaaaan Whomever has it, spray it behind your ears, knee caps, in the crease of your arm and a light dust in the hair and then get naked. And then give it back.
Mid way through January 2012 and so far so fucking good. Sun is shining, the weather is sweet! *touch wood* this is Melbourne after all! I started a new job, got some new room mates (some friends I rolled with in London Town) and a new look on life. Well, not NEW per say, but you know, maybe a little less cynical....OK, maybe not less cynical but defs more positive and less 'the world fucking hates me' not that I was like that in 2011...OK I was.
Moving swiftly along...
I currently have a huge hard on for the city of Melbourne and all my friends (non lezza). So as Australia day approaches, I thought I'd dedicate this experience to the city I have grown to adore in the country that has adopted me. They kinda have adopted me actually as this year I hope to become a fair dinkum Australian citizen. Most aussies I know kinda hate Australia Day, it really is just a public holiday where they can get pissed for a reason. End of. But I love it! I am still riding the novelty factor of living down under, it has only been 4 years after all. I nearly piss myself when I see a kangaroo, I love the men (oh sweet Jesus the men are hot), I love the lifestyle and I dunno hey, there is a certain lightness in attitude here that can sometimes come across as ignorant, but then, wouldn't you be if you had no worries mate?
A lot of the things I love about Melbourne aren't typically Australian, they are just things that make me happy to be here. One of the things, is that even in the most urban of areas, there are roses. I love roses. You can walk down the street in the grottiest of suburbs and outside a shit house there will be roses just growing wildly over the fences. I'm always snapping them. See? I can be fucking whimsical.
Sorry more of England's national flower. This is in the cafe in my building. It's a bit of a wanky cafe to be honest. I mean, it's really cool and I like going there because the coffee is like rocket fuel and they only charge me $3.50 even though I ask for a triple shot but the clientele can be a little try hard. Rad food though...they do this smashed avocado and Persian feta thing...oh my God.
NAILS. This is obviously one of the first things I seek out in a new city considering I've had acrylics for 6 years. I live in Abbotsford which is basically Vietnam, and we all know that the Vietnamese know their way round a nail file. 9 times out of 10 you don't need an appointment, they're fast and they're cheap. I'm pretty sure they talk about you in Vietnamese though but hey, I leave with fresh claws and only short around 25 bucks so they can wag their tongues all they like! This is my fave little salon on Bourke Street in the city.
These were the last result. The place is called 'Modern Nails' and it is GHE-TTO but amazing and open till 7 which is great! They let you design your own shizz which I love and they don't anialate my cuticles which let me tell you, is nothing to bulk at.
I took this photo 2 weeks ago on Victoria Street during the Chinese festival. Australia is Asia and every Australian has some kind of affiliation with Asia, even if it's just by association. Nearly every Australian know their way around an Asian menu and I always let them order for me. Coming from Africa, we weren't as exposed the mouth explosions that is Asian cuisine. I live right near a strip of great Vietnamese joints and it's almost stupid to cook when the food is healthy (mostly), tasty and CHEAP. God I love cheap. I love cheap almost as much as I love free.
Look I don't want to start throwing labels around, but I have become pretty green fingered of late. I've really taken pride in my apartment and with my good friend Paul who also shares a love for interiors we went to this dope nursery called GARDEN WORLD and bought us some shrubbery. I had my doubts about whether I could keep shit alive, but I think in this photograph you might say that this guy is flourishing.
The 2 dolla stores. A treasure trove of plastic crap and tacky shit and I fucking love it.
OK, Melbourne is known for it's shit weather. But when they say shit, they mean shit compared to the rest of the country. And when they say shit they also mean inconsistent. Melbourne has the moods of a pre menstrual woman. But I dun care 'cause I get to wear nice jackets and take self photos in the lift HA! Nah, the weather is the only thing that bugs me I gotta tell ya. But I really shouldnt moan after living in London for 7 years, but Perth made me realize how much I adore the ocean. But different strokes for different folks because Perth hits 40 degrees for 2 weeks straight on the reg and to me THAT is shit. Mother nature just can't please everybody can she?
Non Melbourne related but I don't straighten my hurrr any more and have started to let if go natural. Have to straighten the fringe though. I came close to growing it out but I'm too paranoid about frown lines and I already had a 23 yr old come up to me at RoofTop Bar a few weeks back and go 'milf'. So the fringe is here to stay. Anyway where were we...
The good folk at DRUM MEDIA in Perth have let me keep my column even though I now live in a different city. I love it, because it keeps me connected to the place I called home for over 3 years and it was good to me. Last night I finally got round to scrap booking all my clippings. Haha, I still can't believe I get paid to write. Those that know me, know that this really is a dream come true. I know it's only a column but it's mine and I'm proud. So there.
'burn city kids and their steeze. This is easily the best dressed state in the country. Easily. Not to mention the live music that is here in abundance (got nothing to do with Reebok pumps but I dun have a photo of a live gig) - arts and culture and fashion and food and coffee and trams and everything you hear is true about this place. I also love how most Aus folk will affectionately call me 'Tam' even though they just met me. There is an ease about them that I enjoy immensely.
BATS. My favourite part of the evening are when the bats fly over the city to go hang in the Botanical Gardens for the evening. This is the view from my living room...you can't really make them out but dun the city look pretty? I'm telling you, you just go quiet for a few minutes and watch them fly over the city. Hundreds and hundreds of leathery birds swoop the sky and create such an eerie yet not scary atmosphere as dusk kicks in. God I sound like I'm writing a Harry Potter novel, I'm not....I just got lost in my thoughts there for a minute. Do I sound lame? I hope I don't and if I do well...I am still just a tourist after all.
I'm obvs on instagram so follow me...'Obnoxious Owl' - duh
I get loads of emails everyday from people asking me questions and for advice and then going 'Please don't post my name!' well I won't, but I will summarise your emails and letters and compile it into one big juicy informative post.
Dear OWL, just before my period I feel fat and gross and oily. Does everyone feel like this?
Hi! Yes. Yes we do. Plus even though you feel like a blimp and you hate everyone you will still choose to eat your weight in cheese or chocolate or chips...'CH' things that are all bad for you. But do not despair! Because once it's over, you will feel like your old self again. But yeah, most women want to hang themselves during their period. Have you also noticed that you have never been that horny during that time? The irony is heartbreaking.
Dear OWL, this might sound weird, but is it normal for real girls to have wrinkly vagina lips? I was about to go down on my girlfriend for the first time but got grossed out when I saw her pussy- the skin was kinda saggy and stuff... anyway I think she might have been offended by my reaction. what can I do to make her feel better without being awkward?
Eat her out like it's for sale and rent is due. And also, vaginas are all different and not as um, robust as those you might see on your porn collection. Your penis better look like Gods gift mate.
Dear OWL, I went on a date with this guy, it went really well! We kissed at the end and he said he would call me but it's been a week. Do you think he still might?
Who knows! Maybe...maybe not. Just go on with your life and don't expect anything from it. But I'll be honest, it's not looking good.
Dear OWL, the other night after sex I did a fanny fart! I was so mortified! Is this normal?
Yup. Laugh it off. OR you can do what I saw on a porn vid the other night and turn around and say real aggressively, 'Hear that? That's my pussy talking to you'.
Dear OWL, I am always admiring your acrylic nails! How long have you had them and do you recommend the acrylic route?
I'e had my claws for 6 years. I don't really remember ever not having them...they're just a part of me now. Yeah sure, acrylics are cool. Yes they ruin your real nail just like hair dye ruins your real hair, smoking ruins your lungs and heels give you ingrown toenails. Nails grow back though so who cares? Go forth and get acrylic'd. PS, the trick is to find a good technician. I've had some shockers...but generally it's hard to fuck up.
Dear OWL, what is the best way to clean my foreskin?
I leave London this Tuesday and I have much to say about it, but that is for a different post. I just wanted to shout out the girls at WAH from the TopShop in Westfield, Stratford because they WELL looked after me on this trip. I was a bit devo that the Dalston salon wasn't in nail operation about these babes made up for it. Go check them out, tell them I sent ya and look at THESE that they did for me.
Whomever has it, spray it behind your ears, knee caps, in the crease of your arm and a light dust in the hair and then get naked. And then give it back.
