Hi! What's happening? Yeah I'm good thanks for asking. It's Friday night and I am blogging so things are going well. Actually, there is no where I'd rather be than home right now because it is raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock outside. The Heavens have opened and it dun look like they're closing any time soon. Well the weather dude says Monday but he's usually a liar. Right. My life. In 500 x 500 instagram pictures.
I'm not sure what landed on your desk at approximately 2pm on Thursday afternoon but I hope it was as sweet as the new NIKE FREE RUN +3's! Hot damn these are fresh. It's like you're not wearing anything except that you are! Similar to a g-string but for your feet. Kinda. And the colour! Oh my God THE COLOUR. About as subtle as a baseball bat to the face but hey, that is how we do round these parts. I have declined in my er, 'training' over the last week or so because I have been pretty work focused. And I've been reading more. And on Wednesday night I got drunk by myself on red wine in my underwear listening to Nick Cave, so you know, I've been busy. But if these aren't a nudge from the sneaker Gods that I need to get my Size 12 ass back on the treadmill then I don't know what is.
You looked past the Nike's and saw the kewpie dolls didn't you? Of course you did! Feeling nostalgic? Well, you to can decorate your workspace with these naked and borderline pedo cherubs if you take your pretty little fingers over to www.vintagenostalgia.com.au and go nuts. I literally spent 48 minutes on there it is so awesome. I bought 4 kewpie dolls and I luz them. Look! They hold pencils and everything! Don't be jealous, buy your own.
In other exciting news I got a pet. Her name is Neneh Cherry. At first it was Bob (original) but then I realized she was a girl based on the fact that she threw up her dinner on the second day I had her. It could have been because of the car ride from home to work but that is neither here nor there. She is probably bulimic. At least she will always look thin compared to Buddha right? That's a great tip actually...feeling fat? Hang out with someone fatter. Win! Anyway, there are sceptics that Neneh will survive under my care but they're just haters. Hopefully this will train me for the day that I inevitably become mother to a chihauhau.
Roses Roses Roses *sigh* I never get sick of them. I want a big fat rose garden one day. Anyway, boring. Next!
Look! It's a dog in a hat! Next...
Live in Melbourne? Like burgers? Hit up St Edmunds on Greville Street in Prahan on Thursday nights because they do this SWEET burger, fries, wine deal for 20 smackers. Lord knows it takes a deal like this to get me over to that side of town. That and my friends new store that just opened called LUNAR STORE. She doesn't have a website because she hates the internet but she loves amazing things and she sells them all in her store. I met her on Thursday and gobbled up the above. Yikes, I am SO taking those Free Run+3's for a test drive around the gym tomorrow. Oh and Jules store is on Greville as well. Near the record store. Tell her I sent ya.
Hey did I tell you I work for an online store now? www.notemaker.com.au - you all will find youself getting excited over stationery again just like you did in grade school. Some of you are already crazy about it AND I SHOULD KNOW. I have always been a journal girl and I've enjoyed my Moleskine's and Lamy pens as much as the next discerning (yes discerning) consumer but this website is like a stationery wonderland. I even used some of our marker pens to colour in my tattoo...the possibilities are endless! Also, I completely forgot how ridiculously good it feels to sharpen a pencil. PS - copy my tattoo and I will hunt you down and give you a Chinese burn.
Standard nail photo. Shorter, less hoochie, less art. Nail art is exploding huh? That's cool. I just like to go east when others go west. I almost ALMOST got rid of them last weekend. But after an hour with them off I was like, 'I want to have acrylic on me and I want it now!' I just could not do it guys. So they are here to stay and you will just have to carry on pretending to care whenever I've had them did.
Mid way through January 2012 and so far so fucking good. Sun is shining, the weather is sweet! *touch wood* this is Melbourne after all! I started a new job, got some new room mates (some friends I rolled with in London Town) and a new look on life. Well, not NEW per say, but you know, maybe a little less cynical....OK, maybe not less cynical but defs more positive and less 'the world fucking hates me' not that I was like that in 2011...OK I was.
Moving swiftly along...
I currently have a huge hard on for the city of Melbourne and all my friends (non lezza). So as Australia day approaches, I thought I'd dedicate this experience to the city I have grown to adore in the country that has adopted me. They kinda have adopted me actually as this year I hope to become a fair dinkum Australian citizen. Most aussies I know kinda hate Australia Day, it really is just a public holiday where they can get pissed for a reason. End of. But I love it! I am still riding the novelty factor of living down under, it has only been 4 years after all. I nearly piss myself when I see a kangaroo, I love the men (oh sweet Jesus the men are hot), I love the lifestyle and I dunno hey, there is a certain lightness in attitude here that can sometimes come across as ignorant, but then, wouldn't you be if you had no worries mate?
A lot of the things I love about Melbourne aren't typically Australian, they are just things that make me happy to be here. One of the things, is that even in the most urban of areas, there are roses. I love roses. You can walk down the street in the grottiest of suburbs and outside a shit house there will be roses just growing wildly over the fences. I'm always snapping them. See? I can be fucking whimsical.
Sorry more of England's national flower. This is in the cafe in my building. It's a bit of a wanky cafe to be honest. I mean, it's really cool and I like going there because the coffee is like rocket fuel and they only charge me $3.50 even though I ask for a triple shot but the clientele can be a little try hard. Rad food though...they do this smashed avocado and Persian feta thing...oh my God.
NAILS. This is obviously one of the first things I seek out in a new city considering I've had acrylics for 6 years. I live in Abbotsford which is basically Vietnam, and we all know that the Vietnamese know their way round a nail file. 9 times out of 10 you don't need an appointment, they're fast and they're cheap. I'm pretty sure they talk about you in Vietnamese though but hey, I leave with fresh claws and only short around 25 bucks so they can wag their tongues all they like! This is my fave little salon on Bourke Street in the city.
These were the last result. The place is called 'Modern Nails' and it is GHE-TTO but amazing and open till 7 which is great! They let you design your own shizz which I love and they don't anialate my cuticles which let me tell you, is nothing to bulk at.
I took this photo 2 weeks ago on Victoria Street during the Chinese festival. Australia is Asia and every Australian has some kind of affiliation with Asia, even if it's just by association. Nearly every Australian know their way around an Asian menu and I always let them order for me. Coming from Africa, we weren't as exposed the mouth explosions that is Asian cuisine. I live right near a strip of great Vietnamese joints and it's almost stupid to cook when the food is healthy (mostly), tasty and CHEAP. God I love cheap. I love cheap almost as much as I love free.
Look I don't want to start throwing labels around, but I have become pretty green fingered of late. I've really taken pride in my apartment and with my good friend Paul who also shares a love for interiors we went to this dope nursery called GARDEN WORLD and bought us some shrubbery. I had my doubts about whether I could keep shit alive, but I think in this photograph you might say that this guy is flourishing.
The 2 dolla stores. A treasure trove of plastic crap and tacky shit and I fucking love it.
OK, Melbourne is known for it's shit weather. But when they say shit, they mean shit compared to the rest of the country. And when they say shit they also mean inconsistent. Melbourne has the moods of a pre menstrual woman. But I dun care 'cause I get to wear nice jackets and take self photos in the lift HA! Nah, the weather is the only thing that bugs me I gotta tell ya. But I really shouldnt moan after living in London for 7 years, but Perth made me realize how much I adore the ocean. But different strokes for different folks because Perth hits 40 degrees for 2 weeks straight on the reg and to me THAT is shit. Mother nature just can't please everybody can she?
Non Melbourne related but I don't straighten my hurrr any more and have started to let if go natural. Have to straighten the fringe though. I came close to growing it out but I'm too paranoid about frown lines and I already had a 23 yr old come up to me at RoofTop Bar a few weeks back and go 'milf'. So the fringe is here to stay. Anyway where were we...
The good folk at DRUM MEDIA in Perth have let me keep my column even though I now live in a different city. I love it, because it keeps me connected to the place I called home for over 3 years and it was good to me. Last night I finally got round to scrap booking all my clippings. Haha, I still can't believe I get paid to write. Those that know me, know that this really is a dream come true. I know it's only a column but it's mine and I'm proud. So there.
'burn city kids and their steeze. This is easily the best dressed state in the country. Easily. Not to mention the live music that is here in abundance (got nothing to do with Reebok pumps but I dun have a photo of a live gig) - arts and culture and fashion and food and coffee and trams and everything you hear is true about this place. I also love how most Aus folk will affectionately call me 'Tam' even though they just met me. There is an ease about them that I enjoy immensely.
BATS. My favourite part of the evening are when the bats fly over the city to go hang in the Botanical Gardens for the evening. This is the view from my living room...you can't really make them out but dun the city look pretty? I'm telling you, you just go quiet for a few minutes and watch them fly over the city. Hundreds and hundreds of leathery birds swoop the sky and create such an eerie yet not scary atmosphere as dusk kicks in. God I sound like I'm writing a Harry Potter novel, I'm not....I just got lost in my thoughts there for a minute. Do I sound lame? I hope I don't and if I do well...I am still just a tourist after all.
I'm obvs on instagram so follow me...'Obnoxious Owl' - duh
I'm telling you, getting rid of pre conceived idea's and what you THINK is the truth is way easier than trying to figure out what is actually going on. Delusion leads to failures and broken hearts and all the things that make you want to eat cake and get fat.
HURT LEADS TO BITTERNESS, BITTERNESS LEADS TO ANGER...
And anger leads to acting out and doing dumb shit BUT don't beat yourself up over it too much. We've all been there and we've all been powerless at some stage. We aren't programmed to feel shit all the time, it will pass. So in the meantime hang out with people who make you feel better not worse and do something that makes you happy. Like Kim Kardashian's career, this soon will pass.
IT IS WHAT IT IS.
And never what it is supposed to be. Let this be your mantra and disappointment will be less frequent. Also, some people are just cunts. Remember that.
DO NOT PRESS 'SYNC' IF YOU'RE NOT SURE.
I tell ya, them iPhones are more fucking trouble than they are worth. I am actually more inconvenienced since I've had the damn thing because now people can get at me all the dang time. It's pretty good for instagram though and you know, its fun. But there is no longer an excuse to not replying to emails and that is where it bites you in the ass.
This is me in a hotel room in Korea. Yes, I purposely have my tits out. I wish I had a white dressing gown. I was so tempted to roll this from the hotel hey...but I'll be damned if I go to a Korean prison for a terry cloth robe.
*sigh* London gives me the same butterflies you get before a date with a boy you really like. But then hate the city the same way you hate the boy when you're waiting for his call. I didn't do much on this trip other than catch up with friends, eat Doritos Cool Original and buy jackets. I bought 4 jackets...who the fuck needs 4 jackets? Not me, that's who. Some girls like shoes, I'm a jacket girl. Saying that, how swaggy do my purple AM's look hey?
I styled the female grime mc LIONESS in Landan Town...look at her rocking the BUTCHDIVA! Hot damn I can't wait to show you the whole shoot. Pity photographers don't know what deadline means. Are you a photographer and offended? Don't care.
This is me after I got my first WAH mani and I got a fringe trim. I never in a million years thought I would be the kind of girl that takes photos of herself and put them on the internet...WELL I AM. Can you tell I'm grumpy? I just flew back into Aus this morning....I want to kill everyone.
Art on Brick Lane. Art Art Art Art Art Art .... it's everywhere.
And so is INSA
Me and my friend Kara, the designer of Y'OH. Check it out...it will make you excited. She was so fucking busy with the launch yet she found so much time to hang out and listen to all my boy trouble. LET'S KILL ALL THE BOYS! Haha, I kid. Anyway, Kara is a gem...one for the BFF book.
God I miss these already. I had like 27 packets while I was there. They are little light cheesy 'tings. I drank 4 quid wine and munched on these. Cheese and wine innit.
What do you want me to say about these exactly?
I took her photograph on the bus...her jacket is fucking baller!
This is Dalston, where I stayed for the full 3 weeks. I took this when I was on my way home from spending 24 hours with someone really special...well to me anyway. He actually isn't that special in general haha. I love East London...I think I left it like 3 times. I seriously need to get out more.
So after 3 weeks I'm back in Melbourne. I went to London to consider moving there again...and I think I will...but not just yet. It was weird, near the end I kind of couldn't wait to leave. It really IS weird because London is my most favorite place on earth. I don't know what it is though, recession, maybe post riot come down, I dunno...but there is an air of misery in the air over in England at the moment. My folk who are holding it down there at the moment have so much respect from me, it's hard city man. But when it's good, it's just magical. My love affair with that place is directly linked to my taste in men. I love to be treated mean and kept keen but its becoming exhausting as I get older. If anything came out of this trip, it's that I am going to get a hustle on the book I have been writing for the last 5 years. Thank you London for inspiring me yet again x
This is Jules with Theophilus London. I took the snap and about 20 seconds later Jules went ever so slightly mad. Well not MAD per say but I just couldn't really pull her away from him. He was loving it though and his hand made a sneaky mission to her thigh as well. Although I struggle to think whether homeboy can get hard by anything else other than his own reflection. He does have some moves though and I do love a man that loves the jewelry.
My office is over in North Melbourne and the shops round here are a little 'farm style' and when I say 'farm style' I mean 'random' and 'shit' but then when I stumble across some blowing bubbles in the shape of an ice cream cone for $2 whilst buying my lunch time protein bar I suddenly realize that life ain't that bad.
Last Sunday I went to my friend Sarah's drum for a bit of a girly hang out and business talks (check her youtube vids 'all dolled up') Anyhow, THIS is just one corner of her crazy ass apartment. She wears those wigs like you and I wear clean knickers. The girl is mental but I love her.
Whomever tells you you can't wash trainers in the washing machine needs to get over it. They are probably the same people who buy kicks to keep them in a box which they only open to look at while they have a wank. These two pairs of 90s are my babies. My absolute favorites! They have seen the washing machine more times than I have seen hot dinners...and some of you have seen my ass...I've had a few. Here they are drying out after a spin looking fresh and and undamaged. Just remember to put it on delicate cycle and SLOW spin and knock them in with some towels or sheets so they don't get knocked about too much.
Actually. I put them in the washing machine and this is what happened. LOL JKS. Nah, these are little plastic dolls that I always cop when I go home to Cape Town. They are what the kids in the township play with. Talk about humble! Apparently I like yellow and purple hmmmm...I'm not even a Lakers fan
My mum and dad came to visit from Perth over the weekend and they bought me this jumper. Mum knows me so well....
They also got me this smurf night light (I chose it) can you believe it was only $19.95 from Myer? Small price to pay to keep the bogey man away.
I also managed to wangle these leggings out of them. HAHA! I am in no way spoilt at all hey, this shit usually never happens. I think mum is tryna bribe me to stop swearing on the internetz. Also, it would have taken a lot for her to part cash for such 'wild' adornments considering it would make her day if I arrived at her doorstep in a nice twin set and plastic surgeon husband. Nah, my folks are cool. I don't see them much these days but when I do I am always stoked. You certainly begin to become more understanding towards the 'ol parents as you come of age as I have discovered.
STICKERS! Yup, Owlly has different colour love hearts now. There is also something else exciting happening in the nest...over the course of the next few weeks you will see a few new writers round the traps. I will still be here EDITOR AT LARGE and the advice posts will continue, but I thought it would be nice to get a bit of variation happening ya know? So we have home girls coming from Brooklyn, London, Bristol, Sydney and Cape Town. Mama OWL gots babies now ya hear! Oh and if you want stickerz, hit me with your addy owl@obnoxiousowl.com and I'll fly one over. HOOTIE HOOT! xx
Don't you kinda feel like Christmas is happening all around you but not TO you this year? I sort of feel like there is this festive pandemonium of 'Secret Santa's', embarrassing work function 'hook up's' and everyone selling out of iPads going on all around me and I am having an out of body Xmas experience. So far I've bought my Mum a handbag (don't worry, she stopped reading this blog a LONG time ago), received a Christmas card from my Nan and watched Jamie Oliver's Christmas Special on telly during a serious case of writers block one evening....this has been as far as my participation of the silly season has gone. What is really confusing me though, is that I actually like Christmas. I'm not a Bah Humbug kinda girl at all! I love the tackiness of it all, and the food and cloyingly sweet mince pies....fuck...I forgot about that...I ate an entire packet of mince pies and washed it down with a bottle of Cab Sav during the afore mentioned writers block ordeal. I think I'm struggling to say yes to my inbox full of Christmas invites and get into the spirit because the other day after 7 parking fines were found in my wallet an actual real life moth flew out. Yes kiddies...Mama Owl is BROKE with a capital FUCK.
This has not stopped me wanting however (do we as humans ever stop wanting?) so if money were no object, and Santa really did come down my chimney and blow his cheery load all over the place I would be on my knees and begging for this ...
Yes. These are gold Air Max 90's you are spying. And do you think I can find them anywhere? No I most definitely can fucking not. Not even on the slippery slope of that fickle little cunt Ebay. I reckon I'm gonna have to give a pair of my white ones to the increddy sneaker tinkerer Alex Nash when I'm back in London next year and see if everything he touches does in fact turn to gold.
Not to be worn with fore mentioned kicks...well maybe...but this Alexander McQueen creation costs a cool 6500 hefty English pounds. And you know what? if I had it, I'd throw money at the dead man because this dress is off the chain! It has been embroidered with actual gold bullion thread and real crystal embellishment. I could quite easily sit with my feet up on the 25 December eating 'no brand' mince pie's and drinking 5 dollar plonk whilst wearing this frock. Ha Ha, there is something so cheeky about calling a near $12000 dress a 'frock'. Please Uncle Santa buy me this beauty, I'll let you put your finger in my bum again like you did when I was six.
Yes I know. More gold. But I have had my eye on these ClawMoney 14k gold bamboo babies for quite some time. However the $500 US is not lying side by side in my wallet with the moths. So Ms Claudia, if you are feeling generous, then I would rep these so right! And fellas, instead of trying to get your sleaze on with me in such a pathetic fashion on Facebook chat, rather buy these for me for Christmas. It's a MUCH better way of getting in my pants.
When they call this a 'luxury fragrance' they defs ain't lying. I frikkin love this stuff. I used to have a bottle years ago and would use it to damn sparingly so it would last. It's made from the earthy rainy scents of bluebell woods by Penhaligon's in England. It's really very special. Anyone love me this much back in the UK? Anybody?
Yes. Yes that is a fake vagina. I'm not sure why the er..'puckered' other hole is where it is but hey, it gets my point across. I would like someone/Santa to buy me a bunch of sessions for electrolysis. I am so over getting Brazilians. They hurt for one and two, they are well expenno. Shit is starting to add up yo! But my waxer has become my dentist...it's no longer an option not to go. In fact, it has been known that I have chosen to have my privates made smooth OVER a cavity filling. I know other bitches are feeling me on this. What can I say? Priorities. Innit.
God I miss reading. I never do it anymore. It's all internet internet internet, blog blog blog, eat eat eat - I never read! I used to hit the written word in book form like a drug. A guilty pleasure of mine was the entire Shopaholic series by Sophie Kinsella. Yes everyone...my name is Tammy and I love cheesy chick lit. I also love mindless television like Gossip Girl. See the thing is, if you spent a day in my mind you would probably leave in a straight jacket sucking your thumb. I need the fluff of all this to give the grinding wheels in my brain a break. It's kinda like I'm taking my brain for a little spa trip, or out for ice cream. So instead of judging me, put a good word in with the man in red and get him to give me Sophie's latest release, or the box set of Gossip Girl Series three.
No, it's not an original crush I am aware of this. Every bitch and her dog who has a twitter account claims to love Diplo. But this is a Christmas wish list and it's MY blog and I can tell you quite matter of factly that none of you sluts love him as much as I do. Look, I don't really want to throw around the term 'love' but I absolutely would just LOVE to slowly and deliberately take mini Diplo and do bad things to it. Even if he could just wear my knickers, the one's with owls wearing Xmas hats on it, and serve me up some eggnog then I'd be happy. *sigh* he is just so dreamy, and he talks out the side of his mouth like Drew Barrymore does. So cute. Hey Diplo, will you be my little Christmas miracle? I have an ass you can spin the 1's and 2's off. But you might have to wait until someone buys me that electrolysis shit, because as I said before, I'm broke and it's starting to get a bit real down there. But then again, you're probs rolling in it so you can hook a girl up. In fact, you could probably hook me up with all this shit.
Now we know how I feel about beige...but the neon coral strip saves the day. I enjoy how the swoosh is chocolate brown...black would of made them look hella tacky. I tried them on and I think I could rock 'em. Except they kinda make my Size 6 foot look like a 9 - but peeps will know it's the shoe right? My frikkin one and only pair of air force does the exact same thing *sigh* - whatevs, I'm just moaning because I'm married to my air max's. These, however, could cause me to commit shoe adultery.
Oh get off your 'I'm-too-cool-to like-Gaga' high horse and open your mind. In a sea of black skinny jeaned front men and laid back attitudes towards stage costume, Lady Gaga is just what we need. Her music is OK, (although I now play her album loud and proud, instead of only on the freeway when nobody could hear it) but I was quite frankly uber impressed with her talent, yeah that's right...TALENT at last nights performance. The bitch played piano (which was on fire I might add) with her foot (which was encased in a thigh high black patent leather Louboutin boot) all whilst wearing a minuscule ensemble of black leather studded bra and knickers. But what came through the flames and leather was a voice that I was not expecting. Ms Gaga could quite easily hold her own with the Aguilera's and Houston's of this world. I found myself tapping my foot and getting down like a duck to 'Pokerface' - which I used to hate fyi - whilst fucking dope ass images of the woman rocked the screens behind her.
With MJ's death this year, the music world needs a new 'freak' if you will. I don't mean to sound neg by saying that, I actually think that 'freaks' are amazing and necessary. Hell, some would say that a grown woman of 28 years of age going around calling herself an owl is a freak - for example. Freaks streak through the beige masses with a rainbow paintbrush, and their creative vats overflow with so much ease that it is impossible not to stand back and look on in awe. She is often compared to Madonna, but what she has that Madge kinda lacked in the 80's and especially now, is a certain kind of vulnerability. Gags is very transparent about really wanting to be adored. Which sort of contradicts the whole 'I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks' thing...hmmm. She can contradict all she likes though, 'cause this Owl is hooked! Many are filled with confusion or judgement, which is great because that's what gets peeps talking thus causing hype which sends her straight into the stratosphere - where she belongs. Furthermore, her wardrobe is just fucking BEYOND and her body is increds! Like seriously not normal. Check out the booty...
Daaaaaang girl, I'd be wearing sparkly knickers if I had a rump like that too. Make no God damn mistake.
So yes I bought the merch and yes I am a fan. That tshirt I copped is gonna be tres appreciated by my teenage daughter one day. It will age as well as Angela Lansbery...you just wait and see yo! I even found myself raising my hand when she asked us to while she told us that no matter what anyone ever thinks of us...she loves us. Call me obsessed but ya know what? I believe the crazy bitch.
Yup yup, the purp Air Max's give it a certain somethin some x
GLADIATOR SANDALS ARE NOT MEANT FOR CLUBBING - For God's sake woman. They are for the beach, Saturday shopping and brunch with the girls. Not for booty popping to some beats. Plus there is the hazard of people stepping on your toes and also, you just look silly - in my opinion anyway. You're reading my blog, so my opinion counts here.
THERE ARE VERY FEW GUYS WHO ARE WORTH ALLOWING TO CUM INSIDE OF YOU - And when I say few, I mean none. I know you get caught up in the moment and you want to show him how down you are so you allow it, but please girl...get a clue.
TO BE A STAR YOU NEED TO REACH FOR THE SKY - Soz. I don't mean to sound all Hallmark on ya ass, but that pipe dream can become reality if you don't let anyone say you can't do it or if you reach inside and pull out that confidence. It's in there somewhere. But don't get over confident and become a...um, whats the word?...oh yeah...wanker.
FISTING DOES NOT MEAN THAT HE INSERTS A TYSON SIZE CLUTCHED FIST IN YOUR WOO HOO - Please. This is not a circus show.
LET'S GET OUR BRAIN INTO SOME LATERAL THINKING ACTION - Wearing vintage and skinny jeans does not auto make you 'indie', wearing kicks and gold jewellery does not make you 'black' etc etc. One can wear Air Max's, don a leather jacket, with a 1970's floral dress and listen to the Pixies without the need to have a 'label'. Have I confused you?
Daaaaaang girl, I'd be wearing sparkly knickers if I had a rump like that too. Make no God damn mistake. 
