Tagged: nipples

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 16


FOR BOYS ONLY - A BIT OF A SHOUT OUT


I always seem to be having bit of a go...so here's a bit of a 'thanks for that' - this is for the fellas who know what they are doing....x


THANK YOU FOR KNOWING THE RIGHT INTENSITY IN WHICH TO SQUEEZE OUR NIPPLES - There is a fine line between pain and pleasure and you totally get it. We heart you.

THANK YOU FOR NOT OVER GROOMING - You understand that you only basically need to smell nice and to be dressed in such a way that is not contrived and your clothes are clean. You are so hot.

THANK YOU FOR PRETENDING NOT TO NOTICE OUR FANNY FARTS - You totes understand that our vagina's are like little caves and can trap air, so when something is plunged into them it causes the air to escape. You are mature enough to know it's not real and you are gentleman enough to ignore it. Thank you for not being a dick!

THANK YOU FOR NOT BEING A PUSSY - Those of you that know how to be a MAN without being a neanderthal are most appreciated. Just letting you know.

THANK YOU FOR BEING SENSITIVE TO THE FACT THAT WHEN ANOTHER GIRL COPIES OUR STYLE IT PISSES US OFF - We already know it's petty...and you understand that girl politics is best left to girls. Look at you being all understanding and shit...naww :)

THANK YOU FOR SPITTING ON OUR AREA WHEN WE ARE NO LONGER...UM, MOIST - Fuck you're hot.

THANK YOU FOR NOT LIKING STUPID MUSIC SUCH AS 'ART VS SCIENCE' - We adore you.

THANK YOU FOR TUGGING OUR HAIR BACK WITH THE RIGHT COMBINATION OF STRENGTH AND GENTLENESS - Of course we'll take it in the bum!

THANK YOU FOR BRUSHING YOUR TEETH - You have no idea what we have to put up with usually.

THANK YOU FOR REPLYING TO OUR TEXT MESSAGES WITHOUT MAKING US FEEL LIKE WE ARE NAGGING BITCHES - Your mama taught you right.

THANK YOU FOR KNOWING WHEN WE WANT TO BE RAVISHED LIKE A DIRTY WENCH, AND WHEN A SOFT LITTLE FUCK WILL DO - You say all the right things...

THANK YOU FOR BEING SO DELICIOUS X

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part soixante


GET RID OF THOSE RANDOM HAIRS THAT GROW AROUND YOUR NIPPLES - Don't get grossed out, you know they happen. Grab your tweezers and sort that shit out please.

YOU CAN'T USE THE EXCUSE THAT YOU WERE DRUNK WHEN YOU HOPPED INTO BED WITH THAT LOSER - If we're being honest, we always know what we are doing. Plus, if you say you were drunk and didn't know what was happening, then it was technically rape ... and not in a good way.

YOU WILL NEVER LOOK LIKE EFFY FROM SKINS - Deal with it.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE WHEN YOU ARE HIGH AND KEEPING YOUR SHIT TOGETHER? - I've got news for you... you are just as equally a dirty drug taker. Get off your diamond encrusted pedestal and shove it up your judgemental ass.

YOU SHOULD HAVE SOME KIND OF FEMFRESH PRODUCT IN YOUR BATHROOM CABINET - Keep that shit tight yo.

WHATS WITH ANNOUNCING IT BEFORE CONDUCTING A FACEBOOK FRIEND CULL? - I'm assuming you are deleting people 'cause you never speak to them or know who they are? Why do you think they would give a monkeys? Plus if it's a passive aggressive way of telling someone you're pissed at them, then do it the old fashioned way and meet them after school...I'm guessing that's where you are still in attendance?

WEAR HORIZONTAL STRIPES, DOUBLE DENIM AND MIX YOUR GOLD AND SILVER JEWELLERY - I promise you won't spontaneously combust if you do these things. Fuck those fashion magazine do's and dont's.

Don't go changing to try to please me x