Tagged: relationships

domestic owl: be my valentine

VfUD_Wta2r
Heart shaped cake tins from DAISO

For those that are unaware I have decided to cook every single recipe out of Nigella Lawson's How to be a Domestic Goddess cookbook over the course of 2013. By the end of it I will be a domesticated owl! Or so I hope. I'm not starting from the front and working my way to the back, its not like wiping after you have had a wee! (sorry)


I am picking and choosing recipes and then adapting them for the occasion at hand. As it is Valentines Day next week and I am single to mingle (woop! yeah! awesome!) I decided to take Nigella's Victoria Spinge recipe and bake some heart shaped cakes for my friends who are the current occupiers of my heart.


I am not one of those that hate Valentines Day purely because I am single and I also don't think its a commercial racket. I love these little days throughout the year that give you an opportunity to love.


I also included these cute little original 1950s cards from Vintage & Nostalgia and fed my girlies up.


I know this all seems very twee of me and a little um, 'housewifey' but this is the year that I wasn't going to concentrate on eliminating the bad but rather on embracing the good. Friends? Good. Cake? Good. Love? Good.


Happy Valentines Day owlies! I loooovvvvveeee youuuuuuu xxxx




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First some strawberry jam


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Then some fresh strawberries


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Enter the vanilla cream!


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Sandwich together...


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Sieve icing sugar over the top! Allow everyone to be impressed :)


VaMLMhta9l
Vintage V day cards from Vintage & Nostalgia

Have fun this Valentines Day! Remember: Love the one you're with and up the bum = no babies x



 

take my advice…I don’t use it anyway part cent vingt-quatre

 

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  1. FML = Fuck My Life. Why would we say that? Let's all agree to stop saying it. What you put out into the world via your mouth is usually what you get back and being all FML about everything makes you sound ungrateful. It's not funny anymore.

  2. Some girls need other girls (even sometimes their own friends) to be lesser than they could be in order to feel better about themselves. Is it you? 

  3. Sometimes all you want to do is stay in with a bottle of wine, watch teen movies from the nineties and paint your toenails on a Friday night and that is just fine. Just don't let it be every Friday night. 

  4. I will never stop repeating what I have to say right now: Never ever put your self worth second and a boy first. Not even a boy, it can be anybody but we mainly do it when our knickers are wet so I say boys. If you are out with your friends and having a good time you don't need to jump when he says so. In fact, put your phone away. Don't be the ball and chain, be the women who has a life! A mysterious creature! A fireball of fun! An independent lady! 

  5. Get off your phone. 

  6. Everyday is like a movie that you don't know the ending of. Unpredictability is what keeps things interesting. 

  7. Clean your room and change your sheets regularly. If you are doing it less than once a fortnight then you are doing it wrong you big grubby so and so! 

  8. Accept compliments! Even if you don't think you deserve it. If someone gives you a present on your birthday do you say 'Ah I'd rather not have this, could you take it back?' No. No you don't. Say thank you when someone compliments you. It's a present made out of words. 

  9. Going through a break up? I swear to God you will be fine. Just don't over eat and get fat like I did. 

  10. We gossip about people because we think it gives us power. By talking about someone else it draws the attention away from all the bullshit that we do. Don't get it twisted though...there is talking about someone with someone else because you are unsure of them and often you can come out of a conversation like this with a better opinion of said person. Then there is having a third party conversation with someone else with malice intent. The power of words! If you put out negativity then it will come back on you. If you trust me on nothing else then just trust me on this one. 

Take my advice…i don’t use it anyway part cent vingt-trois

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  1. When you go to describe something as 'amazing' stop! Rethink and come up with an alternative word. To be amazed is to be astonished, to be bewildered with wonderment to be stupefied even!  Perhaps a sunset could be amazing or Beyonce can be amazing. Unless it is the size of your face and stuffed with rare solid gold cow meat that is edible on a bun made by nuns with each tiny sesame seed placed on top by hand with a tweezer then your hamburger, I'm sorry to say, is not amazing. Although I fear, much like the word 'cunt', that 'amazing' has lost its impact amongst our vocabulary. 

  2. Don't get vex about 'not being accepted' because of your tattoos. It's not like you got them to blend in. 

  3. Comfort eating has a bad reputation. Just make sure you go for a walk afterwards and drink plenty of fluids OK fatty? 

  4. Loneliness is often self inflicted and that is because we are searching for company in the wrong places or people. Often you need to accept where your support is coming from and embrace it. I will bet my last dollar that every one of us have a person wanting to be our friend and we are none the wiser. 

  5. Toxic Relationships: People will try to give advice and support for a while but if you insist on engaging in the poison then you will need to accept that you may be doing so alone. Toxins are contagious unfortunately. 

  6. Nervousness only comes when you feel out of your league. 

  7. If you are over 25 you should have a signature dish. It doesn't have to be complicated or even that good or even AMAZING. It just needs to be something you can do well. A great caesar salad is better than a half assed roast dinner. 

  8. He's not calling you because he doesn't want to. Keep busy! Work hard, read, discover your signature dish just don't become neurotic and depressed. 

  9. Often when you are in a bad mood it is because you are either tired or hungry or both. Look after yourself and the rest will follow. 

  10. Soy lattes are not tasty. I tried...I failed. Moooooooooooooo!

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part cent vingt



  1. Don't even think for a single second that you can buy a tub of salted pistachios or cashews and just eat some and out the rest away for later. It's never gonna happen. 

  2. Someone said something wise yet obvious to me the other day and I am going to pass it on to you:  Stop trying to control the things you can't and focus on the things you can.  i.e work hard, work hard and laugh a lot.   Things like where we're gonna end up and who we are going to end up with is in the hands of the universe.  

  3. You should always know when its time for your period so that you don't get surprised and therefore stain your favourite underwear.  Have 'period knickers' that you wear for the whole week you think the bugger is going to arrive. 

  4. Try to be offline more often than not.  Or at least appear to be offline and don't update your social media as much thus leading people to believe you have a life. 

  5. You're not black.  You're not even American. 

  6. Out of sight does not mean out of mind because that would mean that distance does not make the heart grow fonder.

  7. We can't judge a book by it's cover but we can by it's iTunes library. 

  8. If you are going to blow money on one beauty product passed the age of 25 let it be on eye cream.

  9. Nothing and I mean NOTHING is forever. You can also try and plan things and map out the future but curve balls are inevitable as are assholes. 

  10. Life will become that much more rewarding if you spread yourself thickly amongst a few people rather than thinly across many. 

A little light reading for your Sunday night.



Love is a pretty selfish emotion when you think about it.  Romantic love anyway.  We only put it out there in the hope that it will be returned because as much as we all want 'to love' we all want to feel that love back.  Man, what an unfair burden to put on another human! That is why people get animals...for that no brainer, unconditional reciprocated affection.  You can count on the fact that at least once a day a living thing will be happy to see you.

I always thought owning a pet was a bit obnoxious (ha!) until the other day I picked up a puppy because I was hurting inside and it felt good.  It was similar to that immediate relief you get when you burn your finger on the oven and stick it under a cold, running tap.  Except you know you have to switch the tap off at some stage and walk away and the minute you do, the pain will be back.  It's the kind of pain you can live with, but you'd rather not.

Do you think it's why humans are conditioned to want children?  To create little, tiny versions of ourselves that we will love so unconditionally which in turn helps us to learn to love ourselves?  Maybe.

The Beatles said 'All You Need is Love' but does it matter where you find it?  The Bible tells us that we all have it within in the form of the Holy Spirit...I guess thats where it starts.  'Like attracts like' according to the laws of attraction.  Happy people who like themselves usually attract other happy people.  So if you love yourself then you will probably attract someone who will love you?  That sounds a little unfair to be honest.  Thats a bit like a millionaire winning the fucking lottery!  What about all of us who don't love ourselves that much and need validation in someone else's affection? Hey? What about that?!

This is why God made cheese. And red wine. And $10 dresses that fit like they were made just for you.  I love all those things.

 

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part cent treize


LIVE AND LET LIVE.


I'm serious about this hey.  You're on your path and folk are on theirs.  There is no accounting for taste and variety in the spice of life. Hmmm I wonder if I can fit in another cliche here....oh yeah, people in glass houses should buy a really good window cleaner. Or something.

 

DO NOT POINT IT OUT.


People didn't even notice that spot on your face or your weird knees or your semi-chubby calves until you pointed them out.   They'll be all like, 'Don't be ridiculous!' and laugh but really they'll be thinking, 'Shit, you're right!'  So ssshhhh!

 

SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA PRETEND YOU LIKE SOMETHING SO YOU CAN BOND WITH ANOTHER PERSON. 


Pretend you like the same kind of music or movie or whatever. Don't go overboard, just agree, nod, smile and be non abrasive. You don't have to pretend to like anal sex though, that's taking things too far.

 

I WANNA SAY DON'T SLEEP WITH HIM JUST BECAUSE HE IS FAMOUS...


But you're not gonna listen, are you?

 

SOMETIMES WHEN YOU MAKE A POSITIVE LIFE CHANGE, PEOPLE WILL HATE ON IT. EVEN THOSE CLOSEST TO YOU.


It's not even from a malicious place and often they don't even realize that they are doing it but people are scared as fuck of change.  People get used to you being the depressed one, the one with the weight problem, the dependable one that just lives down the road, the single one who is always ready to party, the one in the a relationship who won't be competition when you go out etc  - don't get angry, for they know not what they do.  Also, do NOT let it deter you from entering a new chapter or making some positive changes in your life. If you are picking up weight and can't get into your clothes and decide to do something about it, IGNORE THE PEOPLE WHO SAY YOU LOOK FINE, because you know you LOOK fine but you don't FEEL fine...and they will never understand that...especially if they have been a size 10 for a minute.  If you really like a dude then follow your instinct, listen to what your mates have to say but make your own decisions.  Unless he is a crackhead or something, or married...because they probs have a point.  All I'm saying is, don't be surprised where your support does/doesn't come from when you decide to do something to improve your life.  Change and improvement in others makes people re evaluate their lives and forces them out their comfort zone so they may lash out.  But you're all good because now you've been warned. Nod and smile baby.

 

YOUR GUT IS THE BEST BULLSHIT DETECTOR EVER.


It's built in! But be careful because paranoia can often be disguised as instinct.  Life eh? Wish it came with a manual.  Oh wait...

 

How to make friends and get under the influence with people



YOU DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING. 


People bond with each other by sharing something new and interesting and then shutting up and learning.  Give and take.  Push and Pull.  Sometimes, like maybe, if you want, start a sentence with, 'Oh really? I never knew that!' instead of, 'Well funny you should say that, because I am also just as interesting as you are!'  Nothing to prove when meeting new people hey, it's not a job interview.  Chill out.

 

BE FUN.


I don't mean be 'crazy' and arrange sky diving weekends and shit like that.  Just be up for stuff.  Stay up a bit late. Agree to go to a gig even though it's not really the music you're in to.  Be silly and laugh. Be spontaneous and infectious and someone people want to be around.  Stop going on and on about what you 'don't do i.e. "I don't do facebook/twitter/iPhones.  I don't have a TV.  I don't drink'  WELL WHOOPY DOO FOR YOU! What do you do then hmm?  Not doing those things is fine, but BE COOL, you don't need to shout about it and make a big point of it.  Enough of what you don't and more of what you do.  If what you're not doing defines you instead of what you are doing then honey, you gots a problem yo.

 

JUST DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE.


It really is that simple.  Be nice. Bring something to the table.  Encourage and give credit where credit is due.  Ask for help when you need it and be grateful and thankful.  Take praise and say thank you.  Use your skills and resources to help others and you'll find they'll often do the same back...unless they're also an asshole, then they probably won't.

 

GET A ROUND IN.


Buy some drinks and maybe shout a friend a fucking coffee from time to time eh?

 

THROW SOME SUGGESTIONS OUT.


Are you a 'I'll first see what someone else has planned and if I like it I'll take part and if I don't I'll just stay in and think about how awesome I am' kind of person?

 

TALK ABOUT YOURSELF LOADS AND YOUR 'PERSONAL STYLE'


It's not boring at all. People love it.

 

DON'T BE SO SELECTIVE.


Variety is the spice of life.  Give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Um....I can't think of any more cliche's.  So what if they dress different, talk different, are older than you, younger than you or listen to shit music?  Find common ground, get to know, expand your horizons. But DO NOT be friends with crack heads and people who love hiring limos. They will just drag you down.

 

MAKE OTHERS FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES AND BE GENUINE ABOUT IT.


Don't be a kiss ass, but be someone people want to be around because they feel better for it.  Then you'll feel better about YOURSELF. Truth.

 

Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 30 (how appropriate seeing as that is my lucky number in 2 weeks!)




FOR BOYS ONLY



AS THE PHILOSOPHER JANET JACKSON ONCE SAID, 'YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU GOT TILL IT'S GONE'


In a relationship? You love her? She can cook, great in bed, holds your head when you're sad and laughs at all your lame ass jokes? However you can't help but wonder if maybe there might be someone better? Guess what sunshine, there ain't.





MINI LESSON ON WHAT'S A CLIT KILLER:


Getting involved in girl beef (not curtains, just general daily gossip and stupid shit).  Over using emoticons. A filthy bedroom. Dirty fingernails. Over using social media with blatant contrived statements you thought of earlier that day and have been waiting for the perfect moment to unleash it on your followers. No job and no desire to even get a job. Homophobia. Lying on your back with your hands behind your head whilst gesturing at your hard dick with your eyes and saying, 'Go mad'.




'BED SHEETS' HAVE BEEN ADDED TO THE THINGS THAT GIRLS LOOK AT 


I know what you think I'm gonna say...'no Power Ranger or Ninja Turtle sheets' - you did think that hey? NO. That's fine. Although, they seldom make those kids covers for anything bigger than a single bed so....what the fuck dude? We look at CLEANLINESS and how threadbare the bloody duvets are. Also for girls underwear, used tissues under the pillow and those tell tale white marks. Sort it out love.





WHY MUST YOU INSIST ON HEAD GAMES? 


Yeah I know chicks do it too, but you guys are WAY worse. I truly believe it's because you are so scared of confrontation that you would rather us read your actions or between the lines of you not texting/calling/skyping back so we ironically 'get the message'. Grow some yeah?




MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM MARS ALSO


You guys apply logic towards emotion which makes you come across as insensitive. Women apply emotion to logic which makes them come across dramatic. We don't know why we all do the things we do and life is all about figuring that out in my opinion. But in the meantime, let's just get naked and laugh about it.



Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part quatre-vingt-dix




OH THE TANGLED LIES WE WEAVE THAT WE ARE NAIVE ENOUGH TO BELIEVE 


Sometimes...no actually MOST times we are indecisive so when we think we have made up our mind the need to over articulate and speak about it becomes unbearable. Almost as though talking ourselves into it in public will provide us with a witness which then sets the bullshit in stone which will hopefully force us to stick to our guns. The other reason could be our quest for validation that we have in fact made the right choice. Ever noticed how when you know its the right decision that no further discussion is required and you don't need any assistance in helping you sleep at night? Wake up and smell the Nescafe Blend babe.

 

WE ALL COME WITH AN EX 


Unless you are dating a 14 year old, your current squeeze most likely has an ex. Sometimes you might bump into them. Sometimes they might rear their head on a facebook feed. Sometimes they might send a text. Don't freak out about it and look like a fucking psycho. See? You just made me use the word I hate, but you are a frikkin psycho if you lose your shit over your boyfriend/girlfriends saying hi to an ex if they happen to be around.  Just like opinions and assholes...we all have an ex. Hell, your ex's new shag probably hates your guts as well! Let's just all agree to acknowledge that whomever we are dating at present once had a life before you and that it is all water under the bridge. (and that we all still have a sneaky wank over them from time to time)

 

OLIVE OIL IS GREAT FOR REMOVING EYE MAKE UP 


No seriously, I was amazed at how well it works. A bit on a cotton wool pad and BAM! the dirt is gone. The oil is moisturising round your peepers as well. Double win.

 

BACK HANDED COMPLIMENTS


 'Oh that would look really good on you, but I wouldn't be seen dead it it' Yeah. Great. Thanks for that. Man, it's totally fine to acknowledge something is dope even though it's not really your thang.  I never understand when indie chicks are all like , 'EWWW' over David Beckham and 'SCHWING!' over Pete Doherty. Yeah sure, whatever floats your boat, but David Beckham is a looker whether you admit it or not. One can acknowledge something is decent without having to enjoy it. A bit like heavy Metal for me.

 

USE NATURAL YOGURT INSTEAD OF CREAM


If you wanna drop a few kay geez but still like you some pasta, use yogurt as a base to the sauce instead of cream. Don't add it to heat though, just stir it through the tomato paste or pesto. It's way kinder to dem thighs girl.  Be sensible. If you feel fat and are unhappy with the way you look, then do something about it. Just stop fucking moaning about it to your friends because they actually hate you for it. And you know they do so just stop it OK?