'TELL YOUR SECRET TO THE WIND. BUT DON'T BLAME IT FOR TELLING THE TREES' - Khalil Gibran
We all like to get a load off and we all like to voice what's going on in our heads and sometimes our hearts because it's nice to hear someone say you're not crazy when you're pretty sure you might be. So sure, babble away, but 99.9% of the time that person will tell someone else and no doubt will embellish a little because they are now 'a source who is a close friend' and therefore have the exclusive on any information you have willingly given them. Sure it's annoying when they share your info and you may be left with a sour taste in your mouth but we live and we learn eh? In love and war, hold your cards close to your chest because at the end of the day, everyone is playing their own game.
HOW GOOD ARE SUNSETS?
Yeah sure they're pretty as fuck but they also draw a line under the day and promise a fresh start in but a few hours. As the guys from Fleetwood Mac would say, 'Don't stop thinking about tomorrow' but also, don't forget to stop and smell the roses. When you watch the sun go down, think about what the future holds, but take in the pretty colours that are happening right before your eyes. Then get drunk.
FORGIVE EVERYONE EVERYTHING.
But don't be a fucking idiot and throw yourself in the fire again.
DON'T BE THAT GUY.
Don't line up for shoes or clothing. They do not maketh the man/lady. It's lame and if someone see's you wearing it they know how you got it and they are laughing at you behind your back. Tickets for gigs are OK though, I'd probably camp for Prince. Live for moments not things because if it's all taken away, you'll be lost and going through yet another identity crisis. Eurgh, remember those?
GET UP EARLY.
Your boss and your anxiety problem will love you for it.
GIRLS. PLEASE STOP TALKING IN FUCKING BABY VOICES.
I think the Kardashians are to blame possibly. Or maybe it's an attempt to make the opposite sex think you are a vulnerable little play thing that needs rescuing (ew) or maybe it's because you're uncle touched you in your special place when you were a little girl? Look I don't know your reasons but cut that shit out.
FOR BOYS ONLY
WEAR SUITS, BUT DON'T BE ALL 'I WEAR SUITS' ABOUT IT.
I dunno why, but when men enjoy a good suit they like to scream about it. Suit wearing should be effortless...in my opinion, but then, who else's opinion are you after if you're reading this innit? Once I met this guy at a bar and he was wearing a suit...not in a wanky 'I'm here for after work drinks' way but in a, 'this is what I put on to come out' way. He looked nice, but before I could tell him he did, I'm not sure if he thought I had something in common with Stevie Wonder or something but he said, 'So, have you noticed I'm wearing a suit?' What the fuck hey
INSIDE OUR BODIES THERE IS A SOUL, AND SOME OF US HAVE A PERSONALITY.
So don't just use us as a service station to empty your balls thanks. Even if it is a one night thing, make a woman feel sexual and desired and put your fucking back into it. I know some of you have cock issues i.e. not big enough, goes soft on you, you arrive early to the party etc and that then causes you to rush in quicker than R Kelly on prom night because you're nervous, but seriously girls talk. And lemme tell you, two thirds of you lot need to step your game up. Hey I know that there are ladies who enjoy a game of planking in the sack but I will take that up with them.
Before you go ahead and label a girl with the ever so original term 'psycho', just take a little step back, make yourself a coffee and consider your part in it all. Some of you are pretty easy to fall for, despite your head olympics and your cock issues.
WE SERIOUSLY DON'T EXPECT *THAT* MUCH FROM YOU HEY
The standards you set for yourself are way taller than those that we set for you. OK, we like you to smell nice, be nice and dress nice along with being attentive yet assertive, not money hungry but ambitious, sensitive but not a pussy and aggressive yet gentle during love making (yes love making). OK...maybe we DO expect a lot. Don't be such a pussy about it.
TRY TO FIND HAPPINESS BEFORE SUCCESS
One would think that with one comes the other, but this is just not so. Also, take some responsibility for your misery but don't hate on yourself...IT IS WHAT IT IS - God that saying is annoying.