Do you guys ever feel like you've lost your zest for life? No seriously, I'm not going emo on you or anything I just kinda feel a bit 'blah' you know? Not depressed or unmotivated just a little 'meh'. 'Blah' and 'meh' are such beige words...inoffensive and kinda unnecessary, that's how I currently feel. Work is cool, its challenging and I really want to do well and not let people down and life in Melbourne is going swimmingly but I just feel as though I'm existing lately. It could be because I haven't travelled in a minute but sometimes I think that my life as a gypsy was more filled with drama than it was exciting. No it's not because of that because I like Melbourne. It fits like a hoodie right out of the dryer on a cold day. It feels right.
Maybe it's because up until now my life has been a perpetual Seinfeld episode and I'm not even kidding. I sometimes think that I may be the kind of person that gets high off drama. I am trying to become a person that can take things in their stride and just be cool and not over think things. Fuck those guys! I'm so jealous of them. Sure, they're prolly imploding and may be rocking themselves to sleep every night while they cry and wank simultaneously but at least they LOOK like they've got their shit together right? I don't know, just a thought.
Actually, I know what it is. It's this, this place where we all are right now, this black hole that lures you with it's seductive ways only to spit you out when it's finished with you and won't even miss you when you're gone. The Internet. It's so fucking self important. It even insists you spell it with a capital letter in Microsoft Office. Does it ask you to spell 'book' with a capital? Or 'newspaper'? Or 'film'? No. No it does not. These things are not important according to this soul sucking abyss of a bastard. I feel two faced for even tapping such 'tings when I think about how much space I've occupied online. When I think about the little world I've carved for myself here. I am now the OWL, or the OWL lady or that OWL blogger. I don't even like Owls! I mean, they're OK. They're cute and they have big eyes which I like, because I have big eyes. My nan, bless her heart, used to call me a little Owl because of my peepers but I'd much rather have been compared to something more tropical like a parrot, or something quirky and feminine like a flamingo. But no, I'm the Owl lady. Which is about two seconds away from being a cat lady. Sweet. I guess I could be a penguin? I dunno, whatever. Owls are cool. ANYWAY, I digress...
The World Wide Web. As I was saying, I've done OK by it..I guess. I read back on some of these posts and you could probably see me cringe from space. But it's like looking back on photographs of yourself as a kid when you had a spiral perm (Loooooord knows why I permed my already curly hair?!?) and rocked dungarees with only one strap done up, Timbaland boots and a BOYZ 2 MEN tshirt. Sure I looked wack but at the time? Woooooo child, I was rocking 'dem dungarees. I thought I was the shit. It's like this blog...everything made sense at the time.
So yeah, feeling unzesty. I haven't bought new threads in ages, I'm not even pumped to get my nails done, I have 3 half read books next to my bed...no actually it's 4! (I just checked) Oh my God, the 23 year old me would hate me so much right now. It's kinda weird though because I'm not even that active online as much as I used to be, ya know? I'm not saying I'm online instead of reading words printed on paper, I'm saying that the internet has turned me into a somewhat jaded and diluted version of my former self. There is just way too much info on here and I'm a sucker for it. Nothing shocks me any more, nothing begs for my attention other than all those unread books and the list of movies I've been meaning to watch that I've written in my journal. I did go see Prince the other night though and that was awesome. I left feeling inspired and fired up and happy. All great things to feel. But then I can't rely on Prince coming to town whenever I'm feeling 'eurgh'. So how to break the cycle? How to rewind a bit and get back to basics? I don't reckon it's something you can wean yourself off, I reckon it's flat out cold turkey steeze I gotta get with.
This is cool, doing some posting. This is normal. But what I should do when I'm done is close the computer, get into bed and finish that pile of books. I actually have to do that because 2 of them I have to give back to friends. So this is me, logging off. I suggest you do it to.