Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 117

  1. Just because you have a presence on the interrrrrrnet does not mean you have to accept all criticism.  And when I say criticism I mean those mean little gremlins that like to call names and be anonymous keyboard warriors.  It’s quite amusing that people can put constructive in front of the word criticism and therefore make it acceptable but let me break it down for you: Constructive Critique is fine if it is directed towards ones work or even their reputation but if it towards ones character especially if you have never met the person then it is just downright slander.  I will be held responsible for what I say and not your interpretation thereof.  Also, get a hobby asshole. 
  2. You know when you complain about the cost of dentistry and people are like, ‘You should go to Thailand and get it done there it is so much cheaper’?   You should ignore this advice because these people are idiots.  How is it cheaper to book a flight, hotel, take time off work etc than it is to just sign up for some private health and go down the road?  Like really.  Also, I’m not sure how I feel about a root canal in Bangkok. 
  3. And thats another thing! If you are a boy and another boy asks you what the capital of Thailand is and you reply he will probably bang you in the cock.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you and maybe you should stop being friends with cunts. 
  4. You cannot decide where your support should come from and you should just take it where ever you can get it.  We constantly put pressure on one another as humans for support and guidance and we often want it from certain individuals who aren’t up for the job whilst ignoring a plethora of people who are putting their hand out and offering a bit of help in times of need.  Accept help where it is given because life is short and we’re all in this together.  GROUP HUG.
  5. If you have tattoos then you should be prepared to talk about them.  You know why you got it on your upper arm instead of your ass?  Because you wanted people to see it.  So people will see it and they will ask you about it because that is what you wanted…attention.  Be obliging and give the people what they want. 
  6. Buy box wine and decant it into a pitcher because no one will ever know the difference and you will look chic and you will get plus minus 50 likes on insta. 
  7. Likes on insta does not equal love. Remember that.
  8. If someone you think hates you retweets you it doesn’t mean that they like you it just means that they liked your tweet. 
  9. If you ever feel nervous it simply means that you feel out of your league.  Nerves are good because it stops us from becoming too arrogant.  Those that don’t get nervous usually have no self awareness. 
  10. Please stop emailing me asking who I think I am because I haven’t got time/energy/patience in replying.  I am a pop culture pundit who happens to have a way with words and I urge you to go and fuck thyself. 

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