FOR BOYS ONLY
NO WE DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOUR ‘SCHLONG’ – And stop calling it ‘schlong’, what is this? 1998? You will be hard pressed to find a girl that gets off just by looking at a penis…it takes more than that gentleman.
DON’T CHEAT – I know its hard, hell, I see what you guys have to put up with on a daily basis…chicks are hot. And your poor little penis brain can’t handle all the stimulation and it needs to be released. Take it out on your girl…she’ll appreciate it. Just don’t cheat, OK?
WHITE LEATHER BELTS WITH ‘IRONIC’ BELT BUCKLES MAKE YOU NOT SHAG WORTHY – They kinda never did.
ON THE FIRST DATE, SHE SHOULD OFFER TO PAY – But you should decline. If she doesn’t at least offer, or make fake advances for her wallet, then she will have your balls in vice if the relationship ever progresses. Unless of course you want a mindless bimbo, but I am an ambassador for modern, intelligent females.
WE DON’T NEED IT BROUGHT TO OUR ATTENTION THAT THE GIRL WHO JUST WALKED PAST US HAS AMAZING TITS/LEGS – We know you looked anyway, and we understand. We don’t need the commentary. Keep it subtle you douche bag.
DO NOT USE FAKE TAN – If I have to tell you why, then you are all ready to far gone and the case is hopeless.
IF A CUTE GIRL OFFERS TO BUY YOU A DRINK WHEN YOU’RE OUT, ACCEPT IT – Even if you aren’t keen, just have a drink with her and be nice. This is not an opportunity to be a sleaze bucket, it’s an opportunity to meet someone new, who may possibly be cool and you will feel flattered at the offer and she’ll feel flattered that you accepted. It’s win win.