FOR BOYS ONLY
OWN AT LEAST ONE SUIT
It needs to fit perfectly and make you look like James Bond. It needs to not be polyester. Your mum shouldn’t have helped you buy it when you were 17 for your year 12 ball. The sleeves should not cover knuckles. A velvet suit can be hot…jus sayin
IF YOU PUT YOUR FINGER IN OUR BUM AND DON’T SPIT ON IT OR LUBE IT UP SOMEHOW, IT WILL HURT.
MAKE IT FEEL AS IF YOU ARE GOING TO RAPE US
But then don’t. I’m not saying rape is cool, rape is bad. But to most girls, the feeling of danger is a total turn on. If you are a girl, and you have been genuinely raped and you’re reading this, I’m sorry. But I’m not deleting this, because its the truth.
STOP DESCRIBING GIRLS AS ‘STARFISH’ WHEN THEY JUST ‘LAY THERE’
Ever thought that you may be a ‘dud fuck’ arsehole? She was prolly just bored.
IF YOU READ A TEXT MESSAGE, AND THEN QUICKLY PUT YOUR PHONE IN YOUR POCKET AND DART A LOOK OVER AT YOUR MISSUS, SHE WILL BE SUSPICIOUS
Stop being a wanker and tryna turn your girl into some kinda psycho just so that you a) feel needed and b) can get into a ‘who has the most psycho girlfriend’ debate with your friends. We’re onto you…….
IF YOU HAVE LONG HAIR, WEARING IT IN A BUN IS NOT A GOOD LOOK
Who do you think you are? Mr Miyagi some shit?