Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway HOMME Part 23


FOR BOYS ONLY

 

CLEAN YOUR FINGERNAILS 

Else there ain’t NO WAY those bad boys are getting into any of our crevices.  What if you have a bit of happy juice underneath them from when you last performed the Jedi Hand Trick and you give us herpes?  Not to mention the possibility of chicken grease and various other food like residues.  A bit of Dettol hand wash goes a long way my lovelies.

 

YOU ARE NOT A ‘FAG’ IF YOU WEAR SKINNY JEANS 

WHY are some of you acting like they have just come into fashion or something?  Aren’t we over it now? They’re here. They’re queer. Get used to it.

 

DON’T PULL THAT HORRIFIED FACE WHEN WE GO TO KISS YOU AFTER A BLOWJOB 

What are you scared of?  It’s your own penis!  You scratch your balls all day long, and by the look of your fingernails, I KNOW you ain’t be washing yo hands before you eat your sushi. And by sushi, I mean salmon NOT twat.

 

SEND FLOWERS 

Chicks who say they hate receiving flowers are tryna be all ‘new age’ and anti old school romance in order to impress you.  What they don’t realise is that so many of you are slightly clueless and if they start bashing at the classics then they gonna get nothing.  Roses are always good, white or pink.  Personally I’m a tulip girl.  In case you were wondering.

 

EAT PUSSY

Use your fingers.  Whip that tongue back and forth. Nibble. Suck. Softly tap with your fingers. Make her cum in your mouth. Spit it back at her. Put that finger in deeper. Tell her how pretty her pussy is. I swear to God she will declare you king of her world.  Don’t wanna give head? Well then you better make your way to the florist quick smart son.

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