FOR BOYS ONLY
WE ACTUALLY NOTICE WHEN YOU ARE RE ARRANGING YOUR BALLS
Could you stop doing that in public please? How would you like it if we went around sticking our hands down our trousers in front of you? Actually never mind, you would love that.
MAKE YOUR LADY A MIXED TAPE
Like in the good ‘ol days. Except this time round it’ll be a CD. It’s not gay, it’s sweet.
YOU DO NOT ALWAYS NEED TO BE INVOLVED IN SOME SORT OF FIGHT TO PROVE YOUR MANLINESS
Seriously, that dude spilt his beer on you by accident. Do you really think he would spend $8 on a beer and then pour it all over you when he could have just stuck to water? When it is crowded people bump into each other. Sure it’s annoying but it’s even more annoying when some fuckwit makes the whole situation about him and throws all his toys out the cot. Keep it together man.
IT IS COMMON COURTESY THAT YOU LIE IN THE WET PATCH
It’s part of you anyway! Then again, I’ll lie in it if I want to show how much you mean to me, but don’t count on it.
IT’S OK TO CRY DURING A SAD MOVIE
It’s only human.
THROWING GIRLY LITTLE TANTRUMS IS NOT SEXY HONEY
Get angry, sure, but sulking and going all ‘moody’ on us just makes us want to vomit.
DO NOT TRY TO SEND US MMS PICTURES OF YOUR MANHOOD
You really are the only one who thinks it is the most spectacular thing ever. If you love it that much, instead of sending us pictures of you squeezing the base in order to make it appear larger, why don’t you go knit it a little hat?
AVOID WHITE LEATHER DRESS SHOES
The only time these are acceptable are if you are in the Navy. Otherwise the only other time is…wait…no no, there is no other time.