Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 106

 

STOP BEING SO PRECIOUS WHEN IT COMES TO FOOD.

Try it! Ok maybe you had it when you were 9 or something and you hated it but what, you’re like 26 now?  Your tastes have changed! Go on, give it a go…I might be your new favourite thing ever! Went out with this guy the other night and he hates pesto…like what the actual fuck?  If it’s olives or cucumber though I will understand.

 

YOU KNOW WHO IS TO BLAME FOR MAKING ‘SLUT’ A DIRTY WORD? WOMEN. THAT’S WHO.

Girls call each other this WAY more than men.  If we get a bit jelly when another female looks good in a tight dress? Slut. Our BF thinks some chick who just walked past is hot? Slut.  The Kardashians? Sluts. (no really…they are) – seriously ladies, chill out on the ‘s’ word.  Even if home girl’s vagina is like a 24 hour drive through LIVE AND LET LIVE! So what? She’s not hurting anybody (unless her gentleman suitors are married) plus, she is just living the life of equality that our grandmothers and great grandmothers have been fighting for! Although to be fair, I doubt they were burning their bras and chanting ‘We will fuck anything with a pulse and will not be judged!’ – but you get the picture.

 

YOU ARE NOT AS FAT AS YOU THINK YOU ARE.

Except for you girls with the back fat who insist on wearing fucking halters. Look honey, it’s all about dressing fr your figure.  It’s the glass half full theory (probs ’cause you drank the other half if it was a milkshake or something) stop tryna hide the shit parts…focus on flaunting the good ones.  Instead of focusing on ignoring your enemies, put effort into your good relationships.  Praise the good and the bad just melts away.  Unless you are actually fat…and if you’re actually fat, then you know you are.  Stop moping. Quit eating bread and sugar and take the stairs.  It literally takes about 10 seconds to indulge in a lifestyle change. But yeah, eat those donuts…they’ve worked so well for you this far.

 

GO SAY HELLO.

See someone you like? Go over and say hi.  Offer to bye them a drink. Give a coy smile. BUT BEWARE OF GIRLFRIENDS! I’m telling ya, you just never know these days.  Just get out of your comfort zone and stop watching/reading ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’.  Rejection is a cunt I KNOW but fuck, you don’t not go swimming in the ocean because of sharks do you?  What? You do?! Jesus…live a little will ya!

 

DURING YOUR PERIOD YOU PROBABLY SMELL A LITTLE ‘OFF’.

Hygiene bitches.  Shower morning and night and use that FemFresh stuff if shits real.  Man I know it sucks I KNOW but you have to pay a little more attention.  Most of us are such bitches during Flow Season, you don’t want to be a smelly one on top of that.

 

PUT FOOD IN A BLENDER WITH NO LIQUID AND SEE HOW LONG IT TAKES TO BLEND.

Same thing happens in your gut. Moral of the story?  Drink water.

 

3 Comments on Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 106

  1. I really love this new website called My Body Gallery. It’s incredibly voyeuristic looking at images of women in their underwear, but it’s basically about showing girls they’re not as fat as they think they are and celebrating us for the *~unique snowflakes~* that we are.

  2. Too true Owl.. Too true.

  3. besssssst

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