Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 108

SOMETIMES WHEN YOU THINK PEOPLE ARE BEING MEAN TO YOU, IT’S JUST ALL IN YOUR HEAD.

Paranoia is such a cunt hey?  It’s like the absolute worst when you think one of your friends don’t like you because then you assume that everything they do or say is somehow directed at you. Then you react and become all passive aggressive and then everything is shit.  Plus then you get your period and pretty much just want to lie in bed and hate the world with the rest of the people on tumblr.  But never fear! Wash those demons out of your head and BE COOL. No emotional outbursts please…that’s SO 2011.

 

YOU KNOW WHAT’S NOT ‘TOTES AMAZE’?

Saying ‘totes amaze’.

 

LEARN TO SUMMARIZE AND GET TO THE POINT.

This especially applies to when you are telling a person about your dream. Food you can go into detail with though, and maybe outfits.  Oh and movies!  Keep that shit tight too…we don’t need a blow by blow account thanks.

 

OH MY GOD, HAVE YOU TRIED USING PRAWNS INSTEAD OF CHICKEN IN A CAESAR SALAD?

Dude. It’s life changing hey. Plus carb free if you vito the croutons.

 

FOR EVERY SHIT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE, THINK OF 5 GOOD ONES. 

Are you struggling with this?  You may need to get out more…

 

ON A SCALE OF ONE TO LAME, HIRING A LIMO IS LAME.

It’s just not chic darling. Plus the ‘For Hire’ sign at the back just really takes it to non-chic island.  Also, there is no way in Hell that you are a person of discerning taste if you have ever considered hiring a Hummer limo, let alone actually following through and doing it. Hummers are a key indicator that wankers are in the area.

 

STOP SAYING YOU DON’T WANT TO GET MARRIED AND YOU’RE HAPPY BEING SINGLE!

You are like one step away from buying a cat and listening to Adele on repeat. Sure, you don’t want to look desperate and needy but jaded and cynical is so not your colour.  Just be a whatever will be, will be kinda gal.  So much more flattering.

 

LOSING WEIGHT…

Eat less. Move more. Sorry…I wish I had better news.

 

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