Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 111

 

YOU HAVE TWO OPTIONS…

When you get home from work and the last thing you feel like doing is working out because you feel so shit you can either just couch it for the evening and continue to feel shit OR you could drag yourself onto the pavement/gym and without a doubt feel x million times better.  JUST SAYING.

TWITTER: READ BETWEEN THE 140 CHARACTERS:

  • Tweeting a big statement that goes against known mass opinion/assumption = ‘I am creating the illusion of original thought’
  • Thanks @nike! Thanks @blah blah = ‘I am friends with these guys and I didn’t pay for it’
  • Starting tweets with ‘Dear…’ then followed by a non person i.e. ‘Dear Weather’ = ‘I am trying to turn an inane tweet into something interesting’
  • Confessional tweets i.e. ‘I just ate 6 donuts and I don’t care’ = ‘I am putting something out in the open that I would normally try to keep private in order to seek comfort and to ease my guilt’
  • Making statements about one’s next purchase, about one’s ‘personal style’, about a tattoo one is ‘thinking of getting’ etc = ‘I just called it and now I ‘own’ it’

I KNOW IT’S HARD…

… but you just HAVE to try and find your self worth from somewhere deeper than your instagram ‘likes’ honey.

 

KNOW WHEN TO CUT IT OFF! 

This goes for hair, acrylic nails, toxic friendships, bar tabs and unreciprocated crushes. Snip snip!

 

DRESS UP PARTIES ARE LAME.

First of all, they’re bossy.  Second of all, the only reason why anyone has one of these is because they have an outfit they have been dying to wear and therefore the entire theme will revolve around said outfit. RSVP: No Thanks, I’m staying home to drink and get blazed in wearing whatever I want.

 

A LIMO IS NEVER CHIC UNLESS YOU ACTUALLY OWN IT.

Seriously? The ‘for hire’ sign on the back? Really? You’re gonna go there? And don’t even get me started on Hummers…

 

3 Comments on Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway Part 111

  1. Brilliant…

  2. the last time i rode in a limo it was some millionaire’s personal limo. fucking swag.

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