THERE IS LITTLE OR NO SHAME IN ORDERING HALF A PINT – Same goes with spritzers.
YOU CAN’T GET ANGRY WITH SOMEONE IF THEY COPIED YOUR TATTOO, WHEN IN FACT YOU GOT THE SAME ONE AS A CELEB – It’s just going down the line innit?
LONDON IS THE GREATEST CITY ON EARTH – Don’t argue.
HE IS NOT ALLOWED TO CUM INSIDE YOU – Ever.
YOU DO NOT NEED THE CHIPS TO GO WITH THE SANDWICH – Carb city on the plate meets wobble city on the thighs.
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF THE SIDE BOOB – It’s pretty fucking lethal if you ask me.
USE THAT HAND SANITIZER SHIT AFTER USING A COMPUTER AT A NET CAFE – I’m about to do that in 5.3 seconds.
LESS IS NOT ALWAYS MORE – This goes for gold jewellery, bright colours, and oral sex. Fuck Coco Chanel and all her monochrome wisdom. First rule of being obnoxious: there are no rules.
This is being typed from a pikey net cafe in Hackney, whilst jacked up on cider. FYI. x