GET ENOUGH SLEEP – You may think you are laughing in the face of the sandman, but that little fucker will chuck you under a sand dune when you least expect it. Don’t underestimate the power of the slumber, and get some shut eye. You are not a salmon.
KNOW WHEN TO SAY WHEN – I’m talking about drugs here. And for those who never partake, good for you! And for those who do … you know what I’m talking about. Don’t be that guy.
HOLDING YOUR FINGER TO YOUR MOUTH AND GOING ‘SSHHH’ IS THE MOST PATRONISING THING ONE CAN DO TO ANOTHER PERSON – Who do you think you are? Rhianna?
WHEN YOU GO TO A STRIP CLUB, THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A HOSTESS FEE – So don’t look too shocked when service charge is a whopping 27%. Plus that is just for a bog standard pole dance. And on top of that, old mate stripper will come out looking like a dogs dinner, wearing sparkly flip flops and have a vagina that looks like cos lettuce. Jus sayin.
DON’T BE BORING – It’s embarrassing.
Still in London. But my brain is on the hill in Glastonbury. I should get some kind of award for typing this shit x