OH THE TANGLED LIES WE WEAVE THAT WE ARE NAIVE ENOUGH TO BELIEVE
Sometimes…no actually MOST times we are indecisive so when we think we have made up our mind the need to over articulate and speak about it becomes unbearable. Almost as though talking ourselves into it in public will provide us with a witness which then sets the bullshit in stone which will hopefully force us to stick to our guns. The other reason could be our quest for validation that we have in fact made the right choice. Ever noticed how when you know its the right decision that no further discussion is required and you don’t need any assistance in helping you sleep at night? Wake up and smell the Nescafe Blend babe.
WE ALL COME WITH AN EX
Unless you are dating a 14 year old, your current squeeze most likely has an ex. Sometimes you might bump into them. Sometimes they might rear their head on a facebook feed. Sometimes they might send a text. Don’t freak out about it and look like a fucking psycho. See? You just made me use the word I hate, but you are a frikkin psycho if you lose your shit over your boyfriend/girlfriends saying hi to an ex if they happen to be around. Just like opinions and assholes…we all have an ex. Hell, your ex’s new shag probably hates your guts as well! Let’s just all agree to acknowledge that whomever we are dating at present once had a life before you and that it is all water under the bridge. (and that we all still have a sneaky wank over them from time to time)
OLIVE OIL IS GREAT FOR REMOVING EYE MAKE UP
No seriously, I was amazed at how well it works. A bit on a cotton wool pad and BAM! the dirt is gone. The oil is moisturising round your peepers as well. Double win.
BACK HANDED COMPLIMENTS
‘Oh that would look really good on you, but I wouldn’t be seen dead it it’ Yeah. Great. Thanks for that. Man, it’s totally fine to acknowledge something is dope even though it’s not really your thang. I never understand when indie chicks are all like , ‘EWWW’ over David Beckham and ‘SCHWING!’ over Pete Doherty. Yeah sure, whatever floats your boat, but David Beckham is a looker whether you admit it or not. One can acknowledge something is decent without having to enjoy it. A bit like heavy Metal for me.
USE NATURAL YOGURT INSTEAD OF CREAM
If you wanna drop a few kay geez but still like you some pasta, use yogurt as a base to the sauce instead of cream. Don’t add it to heat though, just stir it through the tomato paste or pesto. It’s way kinder to dem thighs girl. Be sensible. If you feel fat and are unhappy with the way you look, then do something about it. Just stop fucking moaning about it to your friends because they actually hate you for it. And you know they do so just stop it OK?