Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: For ladies 29 +

I STARTED THIS BLOG WHEN I WAS 27 AND I SAID IT THEN AND I’LL SAY IT AGAIN…USE EYE CREAM.

It dun even have to be expensive! Just get lashing some moisture under your peepers quick smart because those lines are TELL TALE. Eyes, back of your hands and your neck.  Start now! Moisturise! Don’t leave it. DON’T SAY I DIDN’T WARN YOU.

 

NOW IS THE TIME TO QUIT YOUR WHINING.

Shit just ain’t cute. You’re supposed to know better, be independent, have a better idea of problem solving, be a woman of the world etc etc.  Teenagers and stupid bitches that do the Kardashian baby talk can kinda get away with tantrum throwing and being emotionally unstable so the big, heroic man will come and save them.  But seriously, you gotta sort that out as you head into your thirties.  More assertive less annoying.

 

START WORKING OUT.

In you’re thirties you are still ‘young’ but in 10 years time people will start saying things like ‘you look so good for your age!’ and you know what? You will. If you work out. Now is the time! Get serious. The party is semi over, say bonjour to your twenties and the frivolity and recklessness that went with it, and start thinking about your future! And by future, I mean your looks. Eye cream and the tread mill are your friendsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.

 

AVOID THE TEENAGE PARTIES.

MAINLY because you’ll get irritated and whine (refer to 2nd segment of this post) And here’s the thing:  You are in THEIR world if you are at one of THEIR parties, they don’t give a shit if your old ass is there or not so don’t huff and puff and get wound up because everyone is so ‘childish’ and talk about boring shit and their hair for about an hour when you have no place being there in the first place. But when in Rome and all that…so either drink the cheap booze that tastes like candy or take your ass home and put on some eye cream.

 

IF YOU’RE PUSHING 30 AND YOU ARE SINGLE DO NOT GET A FUCKING CAT.

Laying in bed with your anti wrinkle cream and your cat, watching Sex and the City and wondering whether you’re a ‘Carrie’ or a ‘Charlotte’ and trying to convince yourself that you don’t actually even want to get married is so lame hey. Go rub a different kind of pussy and pop a bottle of vino.

 

YOU CAN STILL DRESS YOUNG!

Just with a little more decorum is all.  Push that boundary because once you cross the line there is no going back.  Especially on the right side of 36, you can get away with loads!  Just look after your face, that’s the give away. I can’t stress it enough. So sunscreen, eye cream and get more sleep.  Also, avoid ‘cute’ go for ‘hot’ or ‘sexy’ but ‘cute’ is for the kids and Thai prostitutes.

 

NOW IS THE TIME TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.

Maybe an ex boyfriend fucked you up and you have ‘trust issues’, maybe your parents were weird and gave you your insecurities and complex’s as a kid, maybe you were bullied at school WHO KNOWS, thing is, you can use that as your crutch for only a while, but now you have to go, ‘OK sure, this person/situation was a fuck wit in my life, but now it’s time to build a bridge, and long jump over it’.  Honey, you are about to enter a decade of better self worth, higher self esteem, sexual peak! (apparently).  You don’t want all that lame ass baggage coming into this new time of your life.  Cut it off like the gangrenous limb that it is and free yourself of this shit once and for all. Whatever you don’t like, change it.  I do hate a cliche, but life really is too short. Like srsly, how quick did 30 come round? Exactly.

 

2 Comments on Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: For ladies 29 +

  1. Ms. Fitz // 2012-04-09 at 3:57 PM // Reply

    LOVE

  2. Tammy, I turn 29 tomorrow so I take this post very seriously.
    *pours herself another glass of wine*
    xxx

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