The time in your thirties when you still have a foot in your twenties

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My favourite era lies somewhere between 1978 and 1983 when punk rock was alive and kicking but there was still loads of hippy shit kicking about. I love a time where your furniture was wicker and there were a few Stevie Nicks influences about your person but your jacket was leather and you found you quite liked red lipstick and fishnets. A mixture of rock ‘n roll, folk and disco. You took with you everything that was cool like some of the clothes, the attitude and music into the next decade but you you looked a bit sharper, updated even. There was less of a flakiness to you and you started looking ahead of the pack. I was only 2 years old at the time but I remember.

That is what it feels like being 32. I feel like I am in my twenties, sometimes I can even get away with saying that I am with the right instagram filer. There are things you aren’t willing to let go of but then there are things that you find yourself losing interest in and it’s not even really a conscious decision. It’s like one day you just wake up and think, ‘Yeah…prolly won’t drop 2 pingers tonight and then wake up on Wednesday’ but then you feel a little lame for thinking that. You get scared about becoming boring and getting old but really, all that I find starts to happen when you go into your third decade is that you stop trying to run away from yourself so much and enjoy being yourself a little more instead. Things that I have discovered…

 

LESS NOVELTY CLOTHING

As I start to take myself a little tiny bit more seriously I find that I start to take my  wardrobe a little more seriously by not taking it seriously at all. I spend less time buying impractical things just for one night of drinking for no reason in particular and more time investing in things for the archives. I have a better idea of who I am these days so I’m less inclined to choose items that scream, ‘Loot at me! I’m this kind of girl now!’. You tend to shop less but spend more on fewer items that are better quality and you are more aware of creating an overall aesthetic rather than just sporting the must have must see bag/kicks/product-of-the-moment that will give you momentary credibility until something else has all the hype.

 

YOU TOTES START SPEAKING PROPERLY 

You go to write ‘probs’ and then scold yourself for being lazy. You also feel like you need to replace the word ‘fuck’ with actual adjectives but find that it still fits nicely as a verb.

 

IT’S STILL A PARTY

Oh yes, the party is still is still going over in Thirty Land! There are just a few alterations. For one, food is now usually involved. We incorporate drinks with dinner and someone actually has the initiative to cook. There is something about getting ratchet with a cheese board on the table and drinking slightly better quality wine but is still under the $10 mark. You are also more inclined to ‘create the scene’. There may be some fresh flowers about the place and a few candles going and your surroundings are a little less ‘house share’ and a little more ‘home’.

 

 

YOU BECOME RELUCTANT TO ‘WASTE A DAY’

Therefore you start picking your parties and you really look forward to them that it’s actually almost quite sweet. LOL! BEING 30 IS BEIGE!  I went through years of living party to party, swinging from chandelier to chandelier and forgetting what the event was in aid of. We would have pre drinks for the pre drinks and there would usually be a box of Cheezels on the table in case you got hungry. The next day was a write off because you needed to sleep for about 23 hours. This still happens just not nearly as much and only on special occasions. Like it actually has to be someone’s birthday and maybe even a baby shower. Those things are  brilliant for getting torched.

 

YOU WORK HARDER

Now you consider your future a little more when you’re on your grind and you tend to spend your money on making your life better by investing in things like nicer towels, toilet paper, art and fresh food from the markets, quality weed, new underwear.  Your twenties seem to be a time where work was a necessary evil that you simply had to do in order to fund your lifestyle of new outfits and euphoria. Frivolity is important though and not to be scoffed at. I want to leave my shallowness behind, not my sense of humour.

 

CONVERSATION

As you become of age you just want to step out into the world and run! I think of our family dog, Maddie. Whenever I go home to visit my parents you have to be careful when you go through the front door because she can slip through the smallest of cracks and will run like the wind all over the neighbourhood and you can never catch her. You just have to let her do her thing. She runs around pissing on lamp posts, chasing cats, crawling under bushes, sniffing other dogs butts and ignoring your calls. But then eventually she gets bored and hungry and she trots back home.

After years and years of running and exploring and sniffing assholes you inevitably become wiser and conversation becomes more about reflection and observation than just commentary on what people are wearing and what they look like and who they are screwing and getting upset ’cause they not screwing you. Hindsight is a beautiful thing and you begin to realise that ‘ah yes, things really do happen for a reason’ and maybe we aren’t actually the centre of the world. That being said, you don’t want to start living in a hippy commune and throwing your keys in a bowl in your sixties. Or maybe I do…..

 

ACCEPTANCE

This is the best part. I always thought that how I looked was just temporary and one day I would wake up and I would have a flat tummy, no freckles and be all effortless and whimsical like Kate Moss. When I used to walk home from school I used to start with my feet and work my way up to my head and make a mental checklist of all the things I would change about myself if I could. The truth is, you do seem to get better with age as long as you take heed of the secret rule of acceptance. If you wear your skin like a Tom Ford coat then you immediately begin to radiate.

I still long for a flat tummy and I get self conscious when someone mentions my freckles but now I fret for about 5 seconds and then I’m over it because like what am I gonna do about it? You do tend to take better care of your skin though. I am never drunk enough to not remove my make-up before bed and I moisturise my entire body from head to toe. Eye cream is key! I’ve been telling you this for nearly 5 years now.

 

MEN

This guy seems to have more appeal…

 

Don-Draper

 

This guy begins to lose appeal…

 

diplo-hm-mbdp

 

And you will probably still want to fuck this guy when you’re 90

 

120-SECS-PHARRELL-WILLIAMS

 

But that being said, young guys start to LOVE your ass and they think by paying you compliments like ‘you look 26′ will get you to take them to bed and make men out of them. Bless their cotton socks. The problem is, that line would have worked on the 29 year old me. Now I am  more inclined to go to bed with someone who makes me feel like a woman, age is irrelevant. I swear 22 year old boys who fetishsize women in their thirties were breast fed until primary school.

 

GIRLS IN THEIR TWENTIES

I was not happy when I turned 30. I was pretty bummed actually. Mainly because I was not where I thought I would be which I realise is a big fat cliché. I wasn’t wise enough or looking at the big picture at the time to realise that I was actually in a place that was so beyond my dreams anyway and that life was exactly where it was meant to be. Now when you hear chicks moaning about turning 29 or dreading their thirties you sympathise with some smugness because you know that their lives are only going to get better. Be that as it may, you do tend to see your twenty something mates a little less as you start heading towards the thick of the 3′s. All that angst has a certain ‘been there, done that’ ring to it and if you are to stick around then you feel like you are stuck and they feel judged and you start sounding like your mother so it’s a natural drifting apart but then you will find one another again when they are where you are now and so forth.

Not to say it’s rainbows and moonbeams on this side of the fence, because ahead of us is another fence. There are a whole plethora of new anxieties and revelations to contend with like the fact you still have those issues you had as a teenager that you refused to rectify in your twenties because you were too busy throwing up in the back of cabs.

 

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

They say men age like a fine wine and women are like avocados but they weren’t really taking Johnny Depp, Anthony Kiedis or Mick Jagger into account who look more ‘avo’ than ‘merlot’ when they came up with this little gem. What has kept these dudes young-ish though is their swagger. Sure, having kids will play havoc on the bod and if you don’t look after your skin then that is your problem but I actually find that most women begin to look better as they grow older as long as they step into the light with grace and anti-wrinkle cream.

Guys our age who love their meat young and tender probably love Terry Richardson, have a strict ‘Asian Girl Only’ policy and have not one bad thing to say about those American Apparel ads. Well, each to their own I say but if you as a woman are growing anxious about getting older based on looks alone then maybe you needs a little time out from the conscious stealing media and go and find yourself with Julia Roberts or some shit. Self worth is sexy. But we consume, therefore we are.

On the latest episode of the show I love to hate, Keeping up with the Kardashians; Kimmy K goes into this cosmetic surgery joint and asks if they can laser off a tiny scar on her toe and also is there something that will make ‘her hands look longer and smoother’. I mean, I guess if you got the cash then making yourself society’s version of ‘perfect’ would become tempting but seriously, how fucking exhausting!

There was a time where I would sleep over at my then boyfriend’s house and wake up before he did in the morning to put my make up on. I thought that I looked like shit without make-up and I was attached to those lotions and potions like they were my gateway to happiness. I still wear it and I love it and it makes me feel glamourous and confident and I consider it all part of dressing up and putting on your armour to take on the world.

But the times where I can just be make-up free like on the beach or with mates around the house mid summer in the park with nothing on your face but Vit D beams and sunglasses, I feel free. Free from the shackles of ‘you must wear foundation otherwise you’re not pretty enough’ kind of thinking. I would like to say that turning 30 suddenly gives you confidence but I would be lying. It takes a lot of work and self reflection to start seeing yourself as worthy ‘just the way you are’ and being considered beautiful will probably always be something that women will strive for as this is how we are conditioned. After all, we still live in a time where something like the Miss Universe pageant is still very much alive and kicking and ran by a man with bad hair no less.

I woke up like dis!

 

Photo on 7-12-13 at 6.38 PM Photo on 8-12-13 at 5.49 PM

 

Bite me xxxo

 

5 comments

  1. Adeline

    You’re one brave lady! And I’m certainly grateful you put words on many feelings that do sound very familiar.
    ‘I was not happy when I turned 30. I was pretty bummed actually. Mainly because I was not where I thought I would be which I realise is a big fat cliché.’ That was me last year and I’m happy to say I’ve been going through a very similar process (clothes, parties…) and I’m becoming more and more comfortable in my own skin, with or without make-up. Here’s to our thirties Tammy! Cheers!
    xxx

  2. Caroline

    Just wanted to say that you look great without make up, special and more like you (not that I know you). Natural suits you :)

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