The Vagina

Look after your box and she will look after you.

CRANBERRY JUICE/CAPSULES/ETC

Every single time you get your groove on you need to neck some of this red fruited wonder food in any shape or form.  I know I keep reiterating but I STILL get emails from girls telling me they are pissing razor blades. Developing a UTI is no laughing matter girls, it is almost not worth having sex. Almost.  The next time you are sitting on the toilet wishing you could cut out your bladder and throw it at someone I want you to think of me saying ‘I told you so’.

WAX IT OR LAZOR IT

Shaving is mad. OK, SOME of us have Mediterranean blood doing the conga through our veins so shaving is like asking for a cactus to grow in our knickers. Not cool.  And I’ll tell you what else ain’t cricket, scratching your crotch in public. Shaving = a crotch scratch and don’t deny it! Don’t be scared of getting waxed…we are built for child birth i.e. pain ain’t no thang! It’s actually not bad at all dude, like sometimes after having shaved because you were too poor to get that shit yanked or just didn’t have the time in between being a dope bitch and everything, and your bonnet is itchy as Hell till the point of scratching unashamedly on the side of a busy road…um, for instance,  then the ‘pain’ of waxing is actually somewhat of a relief. Truth. It’s all about maintenance yeah?  Although sometimes when you know shits gonna go down and there’s no time that just a quick tidy up round the edges will suffice with a SHARP CLEAN NEW razor. Believe me, he is just happy to be anywhere near pussy to be bothered about the lawn.

ON THE SAME TOPIC… 

I am a little over dudes beginning to specify what they prefer ‘down there’ hey. ‘I prefer it smooth’ ‘no I prefer a bit of a strip’ er……….excuse me, but you will fucking get what you’re given yeah?  It’s not like chicks are all like, ‘Hey do you mind getting the snip?  I prefer my meat a little kosher if you know what I mean?’ Seriously ladies, the minute you give an inch, they take a mile so don’t pander to their little whims. Speaking of inches, how often and how many do we get from them hmm?  Exactly.

EVERYONE LOOKS A LITTLE DIFFERENT

And that’s just fine! Do yourself a favor and watch some porn. Preferably not after some chick has been ploughed by some 9 inch member and her vagina is left looking like an unmade bed. No. Look at them, before the sex happens and they’re messing about on their own. Each is a different colour, size, flaps in, flaps out some are darker some have bush and some look like a Pringles tin…I’m not gonna lie.  Bear in mind these ladies have seen a fair amount of penis so it’s not entirely accurate but yeah the point is, one is not any better or prettier than the next. Some chicks get the bleach in (not BAM, special stuff) but that’s next level and that’s up to you if you want to take a trip down that slippery slope :/

DOES IT SMELL A LITTLE ‘OFF’?

Well does it?  It’s not the end of the world. You just need to start upping your yogurt and those little ‘good bacteria’ shake things.  Your little fleshy triangle has a ph balance and sometimes, it is disrupted by things like antibiotics, non cotton knickers, over washing with soap (just water ladies), letting him go in the front hole after he has been in the back hole (sorry it needs to be said) and not drinking enough water.  A simple pill or cream that you can get over the counter at the pharmacy will sort you right out. And please, don’t be all embarrassed to go and ask for it…grow up. If you’re old enough for dick you’re old enough to ask the nice man for some vagina cream. OK?

WHAT DO WE CALL IT?

Whatever we fucking well want. And you may ALLOW him to occasionally call it ‘pussy’ in bed or for the daring, he can drop the c bomb but only if you feel comfortable with it yeah? Personally, I prefer ‘money box’.

MASTURBATE

Spend some quality time wit yo fine self!  Honestly, it is the most fun you will ever have on your own and also, it makes you a better teacher for when homeboy loses his way. Toys and stuff are fun (keep them clean!) but using the tools that God gave you works just fine. I’m not gonna tell you how you should do it because its different for each individual but what I will say is, don’t be scared to get adventurous…try tasting it for example. Love you x

4 Comments on The Vagina

  1. nawny gold // 2011-06-29 at 10:14 AM // Reply

    you are the best

  2. Hey Owly!
    You and your blog have mind-blowing swagger! I can't even remember how I found it, but I'm glad that somewhere out there is not afraid to unleash their honesty!

    Keep on truckin'.
    xx

  3. Tammy god I love you. But same goes for guys as well. Like seriously dudes hygiene isn't rocket science wash the dame thing and don't wax it but please trim, I don't want to go down on no piece of pubescent chicken skin.

    • Hi there my boyfriend asked me to use the p**y pump like this but I am afaird of injuries. He wanted to make my labia as big as he can, he show me some movies to illustrate the pump the lips of those girls are very big and like is made from jelly I don’t mind to do it but is it hurt and could you describe me how your labia feels after that. For how long it stays big

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