Things you can only do when you are home alone



PUT ON YOUR FAVORITE TRACK LOUDLY AND PRETEND YOU ARE PERFORMING IT

I KNOW that you girls are practicing Nicki’s verse in Monster for such an activity.

MASTURBATE A LOT

Duh!

WATCH PORN WITH THE SOUND ON

See above.

GO ON A ZIT SQUEEZING RAMPAGE

And make the bathroom mirror look like a painters radio.

PLAY THE MUSIC THAT YOU ARE EMBARRASSED TO ADMIT YOU LISTEN TO LOUDLY

Embrace your secret pleasure! Only God can judge you.

 

YOU CAN DO THINGS WITH FOOD THAT YOU ARE TOO SHY TO DO IN FRONT OF PEOPLE

Like put more Parmesan on your pasta so there ends up being more cheese than ravioli on your plate. Murder your mac and cheese with so much ketchup it almost looks like an abortion. Eat the entire slab of rocky road Cadburys chocolate. Shove a courgette up your fanny. You know…the usual.

 

LEAVE THE BATHROOM DOOR OPEN

Even when you’re doing a poo!

 

PUT ON YOUR SECRET OUTFIT THAT YOU ARE SAVING FOR A SPECIAL OCCASION AND PARADE AROUND THE PLACE

I know you be knowing what I’m talking about bitch!

 

HAVE ‘THAT’ SKYPE CALL WITH YOUR LONG DISTANCE FUCK BUDDY

Oh don’t act coy. Of course this whole list was going to consist of lust, gluttony and poor taste. Our secret behavior ain’t so secret ’cause we all do it!

5 Comments on Things you can only do when you are home alone

  1. Anonymous // 2011-01-15 at 8:15 PM // Reply

    i do everything bar stick a cig up my vajayjay

  2. Owl this is too good.

  3. Being home alone is great.
    Now excuse me, I need to go and practice dancing in my underwear to Sean Paul…

  4. I think the "painters radio" description of the pus-splattered mirror is the highlight of an excellent list.

  5. Same saying can be applied to when a gentleman decorates a ladies chest

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