PUT ON YOUR FAVORITE TRACK LOUDLY AND PRETEND YOU ARE PERFORMING IT
I KNOW that you girls are practicing Nicki’s verse in Monster for such an activity.
MASTURBATE A LOT
WATCH PORN WITH THE SOUND ON
GO ON A ZIT SQUEEZING RAMPAGE
And make the bathroom mirror look like a painters radio.
PLAY THE MUSIC THAT YOU ARE EMBARRASSED TO ADMIT YOU LISTEN TO LOUDLY
Embrace your secret pleasure! Only God can judge you.
YOU CAN DO THINGS WITH FOOD THAT YOU ARE TOO SHY TO DO IN FRONT OF PEOPLE
Like put more Parmesan on your pasta so there ends up being more cheese than ravioli on your plate. Murder your mac and cheese with so much ketchup it almost looks like an abortion. Eat the entire slab of rocky road Cadburys chocolate. Shove a courgette up your fanny. You know…the usual.
LEAVE THE BATHROOM DOOR OPEN
Even when you’re doing a poo!
PUT ON YOUR SECRET OUTFIT THAT YOU ARE SAVING FOR A SPECIAL OCCASION AND PARADE AROUND THE PLACE
I know you be knowing what I’m talking about bitch!
HAVE ‘THAT’ SKYPE CALL WITH YOUR LONG DISTANCE FUCK BUDDY
Oh don’t act coy. Of course this whole list was going to consist of lust, gluttony and poor taste. Our secret behavior ain’t so secret ’cause we all do it!