FOR BOYS ONLY
WE KNOW YOU HAVE TO SPIT BUT COULD YOU AVOID DOING THOSE BACK OF THE THROAT ONES IN FRONT OF US?
We aren’t sure WHY you need to spit, but those back of the throat, sinus clearing winners are the most disgusting things ever and put us off you quite a bit.
KINDLY ASK US BEFORE YOU BLOW ON OUR TITS, FACE OR IN OUR MOUTH
A polite warning is the done thing you assholes. Ever tried prying your eye open that has been super glued shut with jizz? That’s why we need the warning, so we can tilt our face in such a way that avoids our peepers. All we ask is for a heads up OK?
THOSE NOVELTY BELT BUCKLES ARE SO 5 YEARS AGO
And don’t make it worse by tucking your t-shirt in a little in the front to show the bloody thing off. Get over it.
SOMETIMES, YOUR FRIENDS GIRLFRIENDS ARE COWS
Seriously. Girls are more sly than you think – look at your mother for Gods sake. We know how to manipulate and the subtlety of our nastiness reaches new heights daily. When you introduce your girlfriend to your friends, do not just assume that their birds will automatically be her friend. Just because they have a vagina and she is has a vagina and they straighten their hair and she straightens her hair that they will be chums – it just ain’t the case. They will be cold, frosty downright bitches but in front of you and their boyfriends they will be sweet as cherry pie, so that when your girlfriend complains about them, SHE comes off as the difficult one because you have yet to pay witness to their fucking rudeness. This doesn’t always happen but believe me, it happens more often than not. So hold her hand, check up on her, ween her into the group. Girl politics eh? Who fucking needs it.
YEAH THAT’S RIGHT, SIT WITH THE BOYS AND TELL THEM THAT ALL WE DO IS NAG
We’re just sitting with our friends anyway telling them how when you finger bang us sometimes, you twist your fingers like you are trying to squeeze the juice out of an orange and you stupidly think we love it. So it’s an even trade I guess.
Why do you all have to be so damn cute x