2000 MTV Video Music Awards

  1. The strip is back! And it’s back because I’m saying it’s back. So now when you go for a Brazillian get a Brazillian which means leaving a tiny, wispy strip. The ‘all off’ is a ‘Hollywood’. They do sex way better in Brazil. 
  2. I know its hard but try to swear less. I am not saying give it up entirely because sometimes a good ‘fuck’ sums up a situation, as does ‘cunt’. But if you throw these things around willy nilly, prefixing it onto any old sentence and what not then it loses its strength. Wheel them out for getting your point across only, and try to remove them from your daily vocab which can be hard if you deal with a lot of cunts.
  3. Those who embrace change will grow in strength. Out with the old in with the new! Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened! etc etc etc
  4. When celebrities mean they sometimes eat ice cream and fries they mean like once a month and probably when they have their period, not everyday. So put the Ben & Jerrys down fatty.
  5. Ok listen babe, don’t call me babe if we like only just met, ok babe? There is nothing more insincere than a long, drawn out ‘I misssss your faaaace baaaabe’ which is usually paired with a look that goes up and down. Just be cool!
  6. Sometimes your mind only tells you what you want to hear and not necessarily the truth. Listen carefully.
  7. The secret to getting along with people and avoiding drama is to reserve judgment. Again, hard if they’re a c*nt.
  8. Egg, mayo and cress on a toasted poppyseed bagel is not only fabulously retro, it is also delicious.
  9. Feeling grumpy? Eat something. Feeling emotional? Get more sleep.
  10. When you know who you are then you can start accepting others for who they are. People are so transparent its frightening.

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